Let’s talk about voyeurism, shall we?
Strictly speaking, “voyeurism” is a type of turn-on. It describes a pleasure you may feel watching someone engage in sexual acts, like getting undressed or having intercourse.
While it probably goes without saying, voyeurism is nuanced. Creepy guy across the street with binoculars? Hell no. Watching you and your partner having sex in front of a mirror? Now we’re talking.
Do you have a voyeurism kink?
Some of us like watching people have sex, masturbate, or get naked – including ourselves. When done consensually, voyeurism can be totally hot…and even bring you and your partner closer together.
And then, there’s the taboo of it all: the idea that we’re watching something private and intimate. Like all kinks and fetishes, voyeurism means different things to different people, so if the idea of voyeurism is arousing to you, here’s what you need to know.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Voyeurism
The surest route to unhealthy voyeurism is doing it without consent. If you want to watch your partner masturbate, amazing! But preceding this desire with a conversation is imperative. It could look like:
“The idea of seeing you touch yourself turns me on sooo much. Would you be willing to let me watch sometime?”
Like all kinks and fetishes, another red flag is life interference. If your voyeurism feels compulsory, like you can’t focus on other things until you relieve this urge, that’s a sign to talk to someone about it, like a therapist.
Healthy voyeurism looks like self-awareness, knowing it gives you an erotic charge, and talking to your partner if you’d like to try it IRL. Which brings me too…
5 Ways to Practice Voyeurism
Need some voyeurism inspo? Here are a few hot ideas.
- Watching voyeurism porn. Did you know voyeurism is a popular porn category? Just make sure it features two consenting adults and not an actual hidden camera. IMO, this is a great way to “test out” this kink and see if the psychological notes turn you on.
- Watching your partner undress, shower, or bathe. You can scale this one up or down depending on their comfort level, from getting dressed together in the morning to watching them undress from a window. (Who knows, you might have an exhibitionist on your hands: voyeurs like to watch, exhibitionists like being watched.)
- Watching your partner masturbate. You could “secretly” watch them through a crack in the door, lay down in bed next to them, or try mutual masturbation. Pro tip: add a favorite sex toy.
- Having sex in front of a mirror. Super hot, and this way you both get to be voyeurs.
- Bring another person into the bedroom and watch your partner have sex with them. The most advanced! But if you’re emotionally prepared, have had the upfront conversation and everyone is down, it’s a pretty potent way to play.
If voyeurism is something you’re interested in exploring, bring it up with your partner. You could even suggest one or two ideas from the list above, if you feel so inspired. Happy playing…and enjoy the view.
Special thanks to Amanda Kohr for a previous version of this article. Sign up for my newsletter and get sex secrets on the regular.