We all know what goes in a Christmas stocking: chocolate, candy canes, the odd nail polish. And sure, it’s all real cute, but c’mon now. When you want to stuff their stocking (wink wink) with items of intrigue – sexy intrigue – we gotta get a little strategic. Less sugar, more spice, and most importantly…will it fit. Lingerie? Sure. Bondage tape? Have at it! A mountable, self-thrusting sex machine? Eh, probably not, unless their stocking boasts truly impressive storage capacity.
That’s why we’ve curated the best sexy stocking stuffers, for not-so-silent nights this holiday season. Here are five tiny gift ideas to take Christmas morning from nice, to delightfully naughty:
For Playful Vibes
Good Vibrations is one of our go-to spots for all things sex, but here are two teensy toys to make them grin:
- The lip-shaped Naughty Bits vibrator looks as much like an adorable change purse as it does a clitoral stimulator. And surprise: it’s waterproof! Because nothing goes better with a relaxing bubble bath than an orgasm…amiright?
- The Mini Sweet Cream bullet vibrator, which if you didn’t know any better, could be a poster-making marker for their next volunteer gig. It’s not, but won’t they show up to said volunteer gig relaxed and happy, after they’ve masturbated? You’re welcome, society.
For Oral Lovers
If they’re all good on vibrators, but still dig pocket-sized pleasure, Dame has several hot options. We’re huge fans of the Aer, which creates a soft seal around the clitoris, then delivers pulses of air to simulate oral sex…but, like, the best oral sex of their life. Traditional vibrators can make some vulva owners go numb during solo sex; this stimulation hits all their sweet spots, while maintaing toe-curling sensation throughout.
For Couples Play
Sex toys aren’t just for solo play. With the Chorus from We-Vibe, you can your partner can share the vibrations and share the pleasure. This remote-controlled couples toy adjusts to you and your partner’s body so that you can feel the vibrations right where you want them. The shape is easy to use AND stays in position once you’ve found that “just right” fit. Intelligent but intuitive, Chorus allows you to experience powerful and intimate pleasure: a shared, simultaneous orgasm.
Moving away from toys for a moment, let’s talk stocking stuffers that prime the body for sex. Promescent is famous for their delay spray, which is a game-changer for so many penis-owners: there are tons of nerve endings in the penis, which of course makes penetration pleasurable… but also a little stressful, if our penis-owner is worried about finishing too quickly. That’s why delay spray is a must! On the flip side, this brand also makes a warming gel for vulva owners, who deal with the opposite problem during penetration: not enough stimulation on the clitoris, so those nerve endings need a little TLC. This formula boosts blood flow exactly where it’s needed.
For Booty Action
For the ultimate stocking spice, how about a butt plug? We love b-Vibe for their mission of anal education, and while there’s lots to choose from, the vibrating snug plug is our top pick for anal newbies. They come in different sizes depending on anal experience, but all of them are weighted, to create a pleasantly “full” feeling upon entry. And listen, if you’ve never experienced an anal orgasm, here’s the scoop: your anus is full of nerves, including your very erogenous pudendal nerve – which connects to your genitals (penis and vulva) along the perineum. Once stimulated, it helps deliver deeply internal orgasms that also involve the anal sphincter. TLDR: they’re gonna freak (with joy) over a booty climax.
There you have it! Save Santa the trip and put yourselves on the naughty list, because this is a stocking they’ll absolutely savor. Happy shopping!