Want help in crafting your sexual intentions? Check out the Sex With Emily Pleasure Planner, a step-by-step guide to help you map out and reach your sexual goals.
An objectively rough year is finally coming to a close. For most of us, a new year means setting new goals and wishes. We go about creating vision boards and to-do lists, putting most of our attention on professional, academic, and financial success. But what about sexual goals and wishes?
The truth is, we need to prioritize our sexual happiness and wellbeing, just as much as every other part of our lives. To help with that, here are 5 intentions you can add to your 2021 vision boards, wish lists, and goal sheets to level up sexually.
Whether you’re wanting to be more intimate with a partner or yourself, you have to do it intentionally. It’s important to remember that intimacy does not have to mean physical contact. Intimacy can be having a deep conversation with your partner, preparing their favorite meal just to be nice, washing their hair, or massaging their feet while asking them about their day.
If you are wanting to be more intimate with yourself, try meditating, journaling your thoughts, or having intentional solo sex. Make your next masturbation session nice and slow, giving yourself ample time to bathe in those feelings of yes.
Explore your pleasure.
We are ever-evolving and growing, which means the things we enjoy can and do change as well. Set the intention to explore the different things you enjoy and find pleasurable, both sexually and otherwise. Explore new positions to masturbate in, new forms of stimulation (reading erotica is a really great stimulant as it really lets you use your imagination), and ask your partner to try new things with you. Don’t feel bad if something you used to love no longer does it for you—that’s totally normal, especially as our bodies change over time.
If you need some help getting started, the Sex With Emily Pleasure Planner is a fantastic guide for helping you slow down and discover more of your sexual needs. Do it solo for a more personal journey, or alongside your partner to plan out some exciting adventures for your sex and love lives. Either way, it’s a great tool to gain clarity, set some sexual goals, and make pleasure a top priority.
It’s very common for us to go into sex with expectations. However, aside from the expectation that you’ll enjoy yourself, additional expectations can create a lot of pressure. Set an intention to release expectations, and fully live in your sexual experiences, whatever they might be.
For example, if you walk into all sexual interactions with “I want an orgasm,” or “I am going to have so many orgasms,” then your chances of disappointment increase exponentially. Try to walk into sexual situations purely with an expectation of enjoyment. Enjoy how every touch feels, enjoy how well you and your partner are communicating, enjoy the moment of togetherness, or aloneness, as a moment of release.
Turn yourself on.
If 2020 has taught us anything it was how to get comfortable being alone. Be prepared to keep that amazing energy! Consider setting the intention to turn yourself on, just as much as you are turned on by or turn on others. Dance sexily for yourself in the mirror, take nudes solely for yourself, massage yourself, or talk dirty to yourself.
After all, you are your greatest sexual partner—so why not give into every aspect of you?
Be open and honest.
We live in a society that is built on shame and silencing sexuality and pleasure. It should be everyone’s intention to fight back against that in 2021. This doesn’t mean you have to go out and become the poster child of the sexual/pleasure revolution, but it does mean you should get comfortable talking about sex, intimacy, and everything in between with your partner(s), with your friends, and definitely with your children (if you have them or plan on having them).
Remember: Eliminating shame doesn’t happen overnight. But just taking some baby steps will help you get more comfortable and make big changes in both your life and the lives of others. Consider talking to your partner about something sexual you’re interested in exploring. Talk to your friends about what they are trying in bed. Make it a point to educate your children about their bodily autonomy and consent.
Whether or not you choose to use these exact intentions for 2021, remember that your sexual wellness and pleasure are just as important as your financial, professional, academic, and personal success. We may not be able to control much of the world around us, but we can control the pleasure we experience.
Javay da BAE is a sex educator, content creator, writer, and comedian. She is also known as the Millennial Sexpert. Her sex education work focuses on comprehension and inclusion while being accessible. She specializes in LGBTQIA+ identities, STIs, pleasure, and kink/BDSM. Visit JavaydaBAE.com to see her work.