Real talk: orgasms are the best. In addition to physically feeling amazing, a solid orgasm can help decrease stress, promote relaxation, and overall just leave us in a better mood. Still, like snowflakes, no orgasm is exactly like the other, and there are some magical moments where you feel as though you couldn’t have had a better orgasm.
But have you ever noticed that it’s sometimes hard to repeat those mind-blowing orgasms? Or that achieving orgasm feels really difficult, and maybe even impossible? Totally normal, but admittedly frustrating. Luckily, there are tons of ways to improve your climaxes. The first step is learning more about your body and understanding what’s going on under the (clitoral) hood. Here’s a rundown of what you can do.
Strengthen your core—and your pelvic floor.
Alright, say it with me: pubococcygeus muscle. Too early (or late) for long anatomic names? No worries. It’s the PC muscle, better known as your pelvic floor. And, if you’re human, you need to pay it some attention. No matter what parts you’re packing, your pelvic floor is responsible for a lot–including the strength of your orgasms. You know those awesome, uncontrollable contractions that accompany a big O? That’s your PC muscle doing its thing.
BUT, there are a ton of common factors that can lead to a weakened PC muscle–from time to childbirth to plain old inactivity. And, your sexual enjoyment can easily be the biggest victim. The good news is that you have a lot of options to take control of the situation.
For the vulva owners among us, you can take all that up a notch with Yarlap, a discrete device that features AutoKegel technology. This uses gentle stimulation to put your PC muscle through an automatic exercise. Combine that with your physical workouts and you’ll have Kegels of steel, and orgasms of gold. Or something like that. You get it…
Meditate or focus on the breath.
Sometimes, anxieties creep up and don’t let us focus on our bodies, especially during sex. I’ve had times where my mind drifts to what I have to do for work and even the latest news—and those are definitely not sexy thoughts.
When I feel my mind drifting from my body, I try to reel it back in by focusing on my body in different ways. First, focus on your breathing and on how you can control it. Then, focus on things you can perceive with your five senses—sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. By doing so, you’re grounding your mind and body to what you’re experiencing at the present, rather than thinking of the past or future.
You can also practice sexual meditation with your partner to feel closer, increase intimacy, and yield better orgasms. Incorporate this practice by starting off with slow foreplay, focusing on each other’s breathing and keeping eye contact—which in itself is super hot. You’ll find that getting in touch with your body allows you to experience increased sensation, and that includes your climaxes.
Ride the edge.
And while we’re on the topic of slowing down, edging is another great way to get stronger and better orgasms. To edge, you get yourself as near to orgasming as you can, but STOP right before you actually do. As you do this, energy builds up in you and, after getting close a few times, it makes for an amplified stretch across the finish line.
You can do this alone or with someone else—just let them know what you plan to do so you’re both on the same page.
Invest in a new toy.
Another great way to explore better orgasms is by using toys. Using a toy, whether solo or with a partner, takes off some of the pressure of having to find the right spot with just your hands. Many modern sex toys are incredibly advanced and do a superior job of honing in on your erogenous zone.
If you’re in the market for a new toy but don’t know exactly what you want, check out Good Vibrations. They have an ample collection of diverse toys that are all designed to target the body in amazing and versatile ways. Also note that if you find a “perfect match” toy, it doesn’t have to be just for solo-play—you can totally incorporate it during sex with a partner to amplify your orgasms.
Communicate your needs and desires.
Communication is one of the top ways you can start having better orgasms—and this includes communication with yourself. Before fully diving into orgasming with a partner, find out what makes your body feel good.
Once you know what buttons to push and switches to flick, it’ll be easier to communicate it to a partner. Introduce check-ins during sex by making sure to ask each other how you’re doing with basic but necessary questions: “Does it feel good? Where and how should I touch? Do you want something different or the same?”
Sometimes doing the same motion or stimulating a specific part of your body or vulva in repeated motions or at a set pace helps reach an orgasm, so make sure your partner is well-informed in what’s working and what isn’t. And what’s hotter than letting someone know they’re doing a good job?
Remember: exploring your sexuality is an act of self-love. Don’t be afraid of trying to maximize your pleasure! And if you’re ever looking to increase the strength of those orgasms, remember that listening to and caring for your body, finding out feels good, and communicating your needs are some of the first steps you can take.
María Lysandra Hernández is a writer and book lover from Guaynabo, Puerto Rico. She received her BA degree in Writing, Literature and Publishing with a minor in Global and Post-Colonial Studies at Emerson College. She now lives in Los Angeles, and her work has been published in Anomaly, Raíz Magazine and Are We Okay? A Memoir. Follow her on Instagram for more.