8 Ways to Amp Up Your Sexting Game

couple in bed

So you wanna send a little sugar in your next text message. That’s great! A great sext, just like a great striptease, is all about anticipation. And as the 21st century way to talk dirty, it is—when executed well– super hot.

But sexting is also an art form, because let’s face it: randomly sending a bunch of squirting emojis might not be as sexy as it is…confusing, for the person on the other side. As with everything in life, good sexting comes down to emotional intelligence, so let’s talk shop. Here are eight ways to send your best sext, and thrill the person receiving it:

Get consent first.

Before using portrait mode on your nipples, ask the other person if it’s ok to send something a little sexy. It’s both a) the right thing to do, and b) kinda hot all by itself. Wouldn’t you like to see that intriguing text pop up, in the middle of work / house cleaning / tax preparation? Yeah. It’s a great opener.

You might also want to take a moment to discuss your sexting afterlife. Something along the lines of, “if it’s ok with you, I’ve love to take this party to What’s App” (if you prefer a secure messaging option) or, “I can’t wait to do this, but first, can we agree to delete afterwards?” This doesn’t need to be long and drawn out, simply lay a few quick ground rules so you can safely sext with abandon.

Check your phone settings.

Another quick pre-game tip: make sure your phone settings are conducive to this endeavor. Say you get a nude, you save it, and it accidentally, automatically uploads to a shared folder with your parents? Yeah. We don’t want that. 

While you’re at it, go ahead and double-check that you’ve cued up “Dan” and not “Dad,” because again, let’s not accidentally sext our parents. 

Time to play!

You’ve gotten consent, your phone is good, and now it’s time for action. Yes! For your opening sext, I recommend something playful and open-ended. The classic “what are you wearing right now?” is always a popular option, next to: “can I tell you a secret?” 

What we’re doing here is building up the energy. Think strip tease: we want things a little winky, a little cheeky at first, before we get to the fireworks.

Share a fantasy. 

Warm things up by describing a fantasy that involves…them. Something like, “I can’t stop thinking about putting my hand up your shirt, and feeling you get hard.” Or, “remember when you pinned me to the wall? I’d love to try that again.”

If you need inspo, here’s an easy rule: sex past and future. For past, draw on a recent sexual experience with them, pulling out the details you loved most; for future, describe something you’d love to do to them…and mean it. “I can’t wait to see you on top of me while I grab your hips and make you moan,” forrrrr example. 

Embrace the three dots.

One of the best parts of sexting is watching the other person type, wondering what they’re going to say next. So let’s deconstruct my example above:

“I can’t stop thinking about putting my hand up your shirt, and feeling youget hard.”

Broken down into bite-sized, sexy bits, you can write it like this:

“I can’t stop thinking about…”

“…putting my hand up your shirt,”

“and feeling you get hard.”

Kinda cute, right? Try this easy technique when you want to draw things out a little more, making them wait in the most painful, erotic way possible. I promise, their eyes will be absolutely glued to those three dots.

Tell them you went shopping.

…for sex stuff, not groceries. Toys, lingerie, condoms: you get the idea! It can also be something you intend to put to immediate, sexy time use, like: 

“Sooo I just got some System Jo flavored lube…any ideas about who I should lick it off of?”

(Hint: send a little pic of said item, for extra excitement. I dare them not to heart it.)

And now, the nudes.

Staying with our strip tease analogy, we want to increase the heat little by little. We want them to, dare I say, beg for more? So before sending a full frontal, try something more suggestive at first: underwear on, hand traveling. (Note: this is a great time to check back in, consent-wise!)

If they’re up for it (and if it’s possible), maybe they’ll return the favor. If not, that’s ok. The important thing is that you’re both having fun! And as long as you stay attuned to their reaction, which at this point is likely full of fire emojis and the words “OMG OMG OMG,” you’re good.

Tell them the effect they’re having on you.

Because sexting is part performance, part conversation. So let them know how turned on you’re getting from all the sexy things they’re saying. A simple something, like “you are so unbelievably hot” doesn’t only stroke their ego, it tides you over until you can IRL stroke…other things. 

Sexting is a killer skill to have in your back pocket, figuratively and literally. Have fun trying out these tips, and pressing “send” in a most erotic way.

Tolly Moseley is a writer and content contributor for Sex With Emily. She is a storyteller and board member for Bedpost Confessions, has written for The Atlantic and Salon, and loves listening to all the sex podcasts. When she’s not writing, she’s doing aerial.