Would you like sex so good it’s like you’ve left the damn planet?
SAME. We spend so much time on our phones, glued to our laptops – screen life feels like all life. Which is why sex feels muted sometimes. We don’t know how to drop into our bodies!
We’re all eyeballs and memes, phone scrolls and text threads, basically…living from the neck up. But. If you love sex, and we do (obviously), there’s a way to remedy this modern dilemma: radically activate your senses.
“Sexual mindfulness” is the practice of being fully engaged in the present moment during sex, and it’s been shown through research to enhance pleasure and connection with a partner. A 2021 study* found that experiencing a flow state during sex, characterized by complete absorption in the activity, results in much greater sexual satisfaction for both partners. You can experience this with sensation play! LFG.
1. Open your blood flow
To experience max sensation, get your blood flowing. More circulation causes slight swelling and engorgement of tissues, which brings nerve endings closer to the skin’s surface. This increases their ability to detect light touch, like kisses, strokes, scratches down the back…
There are all kinds of ways to do this of course, but if cannabis works for you, you’re in luck. Cannabis is a vasodilator, opening up blood vessels for increased circulation. We’ve been completely obsessed with the High Love Gummies by VIIA Hemp Co. for a while now, it’s because they combine cannabis with the herbs damiana (to increase clitoral sensitivity), muira puama (to help erectile dysfunction) and horny goat weed (😉) to take your current sexual satisfaction and multiply it by 1,000,000.
2. Light the right candle
Research shows that vanilla – humble vanilla – is a legit aphrodisiac smell.
Why vanilla? Maybe because we associate it with coziness. Maybe because Mayans to French, it’s been used across cultures for thousands of years as a gift (& sometimes for sensual ceremonial use).
Besides that, you just can’t go wrong with vanilla. There are no vanilla haters, just lovers. LELO makes a vanilla and creme de cacao candle for erotic massage (get it here) which melts into a warm, silky oil. You can pour it right into your hands, then rub all over their body for erotic massage.
3. Expertly use light touch
When your partner is lying down, trace over their skin with feathers or soft brushes. Pay special attention to erogenous zones like the jawline, neck, nipples, sides of the waist and inner thighs. (These are areas where skin is a bit thinner, with very sensitive nerve endings.)
If you don’t have a feather, a silk scarf – or even your fingertips – will do just fine. Our love language is teasing and that’s what’s happening here: light touch makes sensory receptors come alive, hungry for more. (Hint: this form of sensation play works especially well when blindfolded.)
4. Or, use pressure
Sometimes the most exciting thing in sex is what you can’t do. Tying down wrists or ankles (aka bondage) pressurizes the sex, by tricking the brain into high alert arousal. You do not need to spend any money to pull this off! Silk scarves or ties are great.
Then again, if bondage is your thing, it is nice to have a restraint set always set up for spontaneity. This bed restraint set is incredibly easy to install, and the restraint cuffs tuck in under sheets for complete discretion.
5. Get tingly during oral
Big fans of oral sex as-is, but once you bring the tingles – game over. Total sexual flow state. Try this to make oral sex more electric:
- Suck on an ice cube right before you go down on them. (Classic)
- Put a menthol drop in your mouth before/during oral for a *rather unique* sensation
- Apply an arousal gel to the genitals to increase blood flow + feeling
6. Whisper/growl in their ear
Did you know your ears contain erectile tissue? It expands when stimulated, which is why you shiver sometimes when someone whispers in your ear just right. During sex, try the following in their ear…
- Breathing heavy and moaning
- Whispering something filthy
- Growling for #primalsex vibes
Basically, anything quiet and sexy will perk their ears up (literally). Some people even experience “eargasms” when stimulated. These are moments of intense pleasure or even euphoria with the right auditory input. (A whole new take on being a good listener.)
7. Embrace au naturel smell
Listen: armpits are underrated. Our body odor contains substances that influence attraction, and it signals a person’s emotional state and hormonal levels. “You smell aroused” is, according to science, a legitimate (/hot) observation.
Think carefully about your deodorant before sex. Skip anti-perspirant, and look for a formula with charcoal to draw out toxins and impurities. Your natural body odor is a turn-on for lovers – resist the urge to cover it up.
8. Yes chef
Let’s not forget our sense of taste, sooo very linked with sex and eroticism. Appreciating the natural taste of your partner can increase erotic confidence, and if you’ve taken any of the steps above…guaranteed your taste buds will notice.
On the flip side, try licking things off their body. Anything sweet will trigger a dopamine release, for a quick hit of increased pleasure. We love…
- yummy flavored lubes
- whipped cream on nipples (for 70s p*rn realness)
- chocolate body paint
(Whatever you use, keep a damp hand towel nearby to rinse off anything too sugary or sticky.)
At its core, sexual mindfulness = deep focus on your senses. Try incorporating some of these techniques next time you have sex.
Want to learn more about sexual mindfulness and flow state? Ask me anytime inside my membership platform, SmartSX, submit your Qs to Ask Emily, or sign up for my newsletter and get sex secrets on the regular.
*References:
