Dear Emily,

I’m writing because I want to have an orgasm in missionary. My partner and I love it for the intimacy and eye contact, but it’s really hard for me to have an orgasm since I typically need clitoral stimulation to finish. Some of my friends have told me they’ve experienced orgasms in this position… Are they lying or is this a real thing? Help a girl out, please!!

Alissa

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Hi Alissa, 

Good news: orgasms during missionary sex ARE possible! Even though it sounds like your friends are able to easily experience orgasms during missionary sex (you’ll join them soon), it’s not the sort of thing they teach us in sex ed. Don’t get discouraged that you haven’t experienced one yet. I’ve got some ideas to help make that happen. 

Whether it’s adding a toy, playing with new positions, or lubing it up, there are a few things that you can do to help bring your missionary game to the next level. 

Bring in reinforcements. 

If you haven’t yet incorporated a toy into your missionary routine, I highly encourage you to get started. You’re not the only vulva-owner who needs clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm—most do! Penetration, even great penetration, simply isn’t enough because the tip of the penis isn’t hitting that precious, magical button. (AKA, your clitoris.) 

That’s when a little toy can become your best friend. Slide a bullet vibrator between you and your partner, or opt for a hands-free toy, like the Dame Eva. Many people find that adding in a bit of “buzz” can be enough to make missionary sex more sensational (if you know what I mean).  

You might also consider implementing an arousal oil—Foria’s Awaken Arousal Oil with CBD is a great option because it uses broad-spectrum CBD oil to help stimulate blood flow, which is a crucial element for arousal. Because this can ultimately enhance clitoral sensitivity, you’ll find that you’re better able to focus on those “feel-good” sensations… and increase your change of orgasming in missionary.

Experiment with CAT position. 

Lots of couples find that CAT sex position can lead to orgasm. An acronym for “coital-alignment technique,” CAT position is a spin-off of missionary for penis and vulva-owning couples. It involves the partner on top using their body to help stimulate the vulva owner’s clitoris while penetrating. Let’s break it down:

• Start in missionary. Get into this classic position with the penis owner on top. You can do your normal thing of adding in some little kisses, hot make-outs, or nipple play to get the mood going!
• Partner on top enters. Slide the penis in. Some vulva-owners might find it beneficial to wrap their legs around their penis-owning partner.
• Align the pelvis to the clitoris. This is where the magic happens. Your partner should align the lower part of their body (just above the base of his penis and below the belly button) to your clitoris. There should be an added amount of pressure that when applied often and at varying levels of intensity, feels amazing!
• Move up and down. While penetrating, the penis owner moves their body in an up-and-down motion to stimulate the clitoris. They do this while moving in and out of you so that there’s plenty of sensation for everyone!
• Grind your way to orgasm. Keeping pressure on the clitoris while continuing to move and grind can feel amazing and quite possibly lead to orgasm.  Don’t be afraid to give your partner feedback about what feels good (“a little to the left, please”).

If it doesn’t happen your first time around don’t feel discouraged! Like many things in life, practice makes everything better. 

Lube it up. 

Whether you’re adding in a toy or playing with new sex positions, I cannot stress the importance of incorporating lube. Lube is amazing because it increases sensitivity and decreases friction. It’s like a magical pleasure elixir.

One of my go-to brands is System Jo—they’ve got a massive selection of lubes. (Including flavored ones for oral! But that’s a different article…) You can opt for a water-based, silicone-based, or hybrid lube for missionary sex. Hopefully, the combination of these tips sets you up for sexual success!  If anything, experimenting with some variety will help you and your partner discover what works for your bodies. 

xx,

Emily