When was the last time you decided what to do with your hair down there based entirely on what you wanted?

Bare, bushy, trimmed, or somewhere in between? Most of us have an opinion about intimate grooming. But how much of that preference is actually ours?

After more than 20 years of talking about sex, I’ve heard how much pressure can come from partners, porn, beauty standards, and the idea that there’s a “right” way to look down there.

So let’s question the default: Who decided what’s sexy, clean, feminine, or masculine? And what do you actually like?

Who Decided What “Sexy” Looks Like Down There?

Grooming trends have changed a lot over time, which is a pretty good clue that there’s no universal rule for what we’re supposed to look like.

For much of history, having hair down there was simply… normal. There wasn’t a constant cultural conversation about whether you should be bare or bushy.

Then beauty standards started shifting. Swimsuits got smaller. Hair removal became more accessible. And eventually, the completely bare look became heavily associated with femininity and sexuality in mainstream culture.

Then came porn, where grooming trends became even more visible, and easy to mistake for reality.

Men got their own version of this pressure with the rise of “manscaping,” when suddenly having a completely natural body started feeling less like the default and more like a grooming choice.

And these trends keep changing. What was considered sexy in one decade can look completely different in another.

That tells us something important: there is no timeless, universal standard for what you should look like below the belt.

A lot of what we call “preference” is actually conditioning.

Your Hair Down There Has a Job

Let’s talk science, because that hair down there actually has a job.

Hair in the genital area isn’t random. The skin in this area is particularly sensitive, and hair helps protect it from friction and irritation.

That means removing hair can sometimes come with a little extra maintenance: razor burn, ingrown hairs, bumps, itching, or small cuts.

Does that mean you should throw away your razor? Not at all! It simply means your skin deserves extra TLC if you do decide to groom.

If you love being completely smooth, great. If you prefer some hair, also great. If you change your mind every few weeks, welcome to the club.

And none of these choices is inherently cleaner, sexier, or better. Hair isn’t dirty, and being bare isn’t automatically more attractive.

Your grooming choices don’t dictate your femininity, masculinity, attractiveness, or hygiene.

Your Homework: What Do You Actually Like?

This is where I want you to get curious about your own intimate grooming choices.

Instead of: What does my partner prefer? What do people in porn look like? What am I “supposed” to do?

Ask yourself: If nobody else could see my body, what would I choose?

Your answer might surprise you. Maybe you love being completely smooth, prefer a trim, want to let it grow, or realize you’ve been following the same routine for years without questioning why.

Experiment. Notice how different choices feel…physically AND emotionally. Do you feel more comfortable? More confident? More like yourself?

The right choice is the one that’s actually yours.

Your body. Your hair. Your rules.