Dear Dr. Emily,

I love everything you’re teaching the world about sex and communication. Your tips and discussions on sexuality and pleasure have really ramped up my confidence in the bedroom and life in general. So my partner is very open to all things sex which has been amazing. Recently I got bed restraints and he tied me down which was so fun and I had multiple orgasms. Now, I want to do that to him but I’m not sure what to do other than just giving him a blowjob and sensual touching. Do you have any tips for extended foreplay for men? Men are so visual but is it possible to keep him turned on and aroused if he’s blindfolded? I want him to get as much pleasure from the experience as I did. Thank you so much and I look forward to any advice you have!

– Hallie

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Dear Hallie,

I love this question! And here’s my short answer: yes, it is absolutely, 100% possible to keep your partner turned on and aroused while he’s blindfolded. But the question is how, and since you mentioned your partner is very open to all things sex, I’ve got lots of ideas for you. Here are 6 sexy ideas you can try right away.

1. Embrace your dom side 

I don’t know about you Hallie, but one of the most exciting things to me about being restrained is that I’m not in control. It suggests a sub/dom dynamic that heightens the power differential, and in this situation, YOU are the dom. HE has to obey. 

So before you put the restraints and blindfold on him, lean into your inner dom by ordering him around a bit. “Lay down. Put your hands up. Do exactly as I say.” Exert control through every step, so that his last image before he gets blindfolded is you – sexy as hell – taking charge. 

2. Bust out the dirty talk

Along those lines, warm him up with a few kisses, a few nibbles – whispering filthy things in his ear as you do so. 

I know I know, dirty talk can be intimidating! But listen to my interview with erotic film actress Joanna Angel, to hear it from a pro. And know that you don’t have to go all-in at first (“I’m gonna make you BEG for MERCY”), but rather, you can start soft. “Do you like that? Yeah? How about this?” 

You’re a dom, but you’re still you, so give him little hints about what’s to come – in the most naughty way you can. 

3. Try a lil’ temperature play 

When we take away one sense during sex, others get heightened – making this an ideal time to play with his sense of touch.

You could light a delicious smelling, body-safe candle, and drip the wax on his torso. Or, put some wax on your hands, for a shoulder or thigh massage. Is he an ice guy? If so, try sucking a small piece, then planting icy cold kisses down his torso. Keep in mind, he’s blindfolded – so you can always let him know what’s about to happen, in your best dom voice. “I’m about to drip hot wax on you, and I need you to stay absolutely still. Don’t move a muscle, or you’ll get punished.” 

4. Yes to sensual touch, but mix it up

You mentioned this idea in your email Hallie, but I want to give you a few ways to explore sensations that might be new for your partner. You can start with your mouth and tongue, stimulating erogenous zones that sometimes get neglected during sex: his neck and throat, earlobes, nipples. Try licking these areas gently…and maybe giving the tiniest little nibble too, if he’s into it. 

You can also experiment with various tactile sensations, and here I mean feathers, light nail scratches, even whips. Professional dominatrix Justine Cross joined me a few months back to share some sensual touch ideas; give it a listen, and see if you don’t come away inspired to test-drive a few accessories. 

5. Handjobs can be hot

You talked about a blow job, but what if you brought back our old friend, the handjob? As an underrated sex move, I think this can be so incredibly erotic while blindfolded…and if he’s been super good, maybe you can free one of his hands, just for now, to join you – by touching himself. 

Now would also be an ideal time to rub some delay spray for him, since in all honesty he’s probably painfully aroused. My go-to is Promescent: just apply it to the most sensitive parts of his penis (which for most penis-owners, is the head), and give it 10 or so minutes to be fully absorbed. This will calm his nerve endings down a bit so that by the time you get to penetration, he can last longer. 

6. And now ladies and gentlemen: penetration

By this point, you’ve teased his entire body, you’ve brought the dom, and now you’re ready for penetration. Showtime!

Personally, I like keeping the tease going in moments like these and making him beg for it. Has he been bad? Of course, he has – so deny him just a bit, to ratchet up the sexual tension. 

Like I said, he’s hot and bothered by now, but hopefully so are you. What better time to strap on a couple’s sex toy? The Eva by Dame can drive you both wild, as a hands-free clitoral vibrator that stays in place during sex. Simply tuck the wings underneath your labia, and enjoy one hell of a vibe during penetration. The best part? He’s blindfolded! So the sensations will be a surprise by the time you finally let him penetrate you. Good thing he’s got delay spray. 

I hope these tips help, Hallie. You’re right, that a lot of men are visual in their arousal – but you can definitely titillate his remaining senses, for a seriously hot sex sesh. Enjoy taking away his control…as you step into yours.