Hands up if you masturbate. Good! Very healthy. I see you.
Now, keep your hand raised if your masturbation – or solo sex, as I like to call it – is hit-it-and-quit-it. You know what you gotta do to get off, you know what sexy media to watch, you go right for the sweet spots and call it as soon as you’re done.
So many hands I see.
Listen: this type of solo sex, or “maintenance masturbation,” definitely has a place in your self-care routine. It’s enjoyable, it’s relaxing, and I’m here to say that you can keep it.
But when you’re craving solo sex that’s a bit…juicier, I’ve got tips for you. Here are nine ideas to elevate your solo sex, for a more intense build-up and a long, lingering finish.
1. Take a sexy supplement
Aphrodisiacs are a fun idea, but in truth, there’s not a lot of science behind the stereotypical ones (like oysters). But there is science behind a few supplements, like ginseng and maca. While neither is fast-acting, incorporating one or both supplements into your daily routine could have real impact on your sex drive.
A 2013 research survey of several studies found a positive correlation between ginseng and cis-male sex drive, ginseng and testosterone production, and ginseng and enhanced erections. In 2015, a study on maca showed it to be a significant sex drive boost for cis-females on anti-depressants, which are notorious for killing libido. (Want other tips for supporting your sex drive while taking anti-deppressants? Listen to my Love, Lust, & Lexapro episode). Full effects for each start to appear after 2-3 months of usage.
2. Make your bedroom a whole vibe
Don’t just collapse on a messy bed. Prepare a pleasure nest for yourself, with a tidied room, candles, music, maybe a glass of wine…anything to engage your senses, and get you in the mood. Of course, if you want to upgrade your pleasure space in a more permanent way, Melanie Rose has a few thoughts on that.
3. Touch yourself everywhere (not just your genitals)
As you begin solo sex, lay down, and give yourself deliberate, soothing touch. Rub your neck, draw light fingernails down your sides, caress your chest, apply pressure to your thighs. You’re arousing yourself, by encouraging blood circulation and…giving yourself a little tease.
4. Breathe like you mean it
Box breathing is one of my favorite methods for calming my mind, and cultivating presence. Try it as you touch yourself: inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold for four counts. Aim for three to four rounds, and notice your headspace afterwards.
5. Try a warming gel
Just like a lube but with heating properties, warming gels can be fantastic for encouraging blood flow to the genitals, engorging them in the process. Look for one that’s pH balanced and relatively fast-acting, so you can enjoy the sensations as you masturbate.
6. Reach for a toy
And now: it’s toy time.
Vulva and penis owners alike can enjoy external stimulation with a wand toy, such as the Majesty 2 from Vush. Did I mention it’s appeared in a Cardi B music video? Because the creator of WAP is exactly who I want endorsing my toys. I love the Majesty 2 because you can personalize the levels and vibe patterns for an astonishing 50 options of sensation, customizing your pleasure with the press of a button. You could also try the Sol Vibrating Stroker if you’re a penis owner, a beginner-friendly, non-intimidating sex toy that provides stimulation all along the shaft. Bonus: you use it for partner play too, since the open-ended structure allows for oral stimulation of the head…and massage for the testicles. Get 40% off any of Vush’s couples toys when you use code SEXWITHEMILY at checkout.
7. Edge for a more powerful O
As you build up to an orgasm, resist the urge to finish right away. Instead, try edging: where you work your way up to the cliff’s edge of orgasm, then deliberately bring yourself back down…as many times as you like. The resulting orgasm, when you finally let go? Intense.
8. Go for seconds
If you’re a vulva owner, chances are, you’d like to treat yourself in this pleasure sesh with more than one O. Why stop at the first? Now that your genitals are fully engorged, go for internal stimulation, and use a toy built for G-spot orgasms. Vush’s G-Spot Vibrator is ideal for this: the tip has a textured surface, making the sensations extra fun as you hit your internal erogenous zones.
9. Meditate, masturbate, manifest
Finally, wind down your magical, mindful masturbation by setting some intentions. How would you like to utilize this positive energy? What dreams, hopes and goals can you infuse with all this pleasure potential?
Solo sex is one of the very best self-care practices you can gift yourself. By taking a bit more time to slow down and get intentional, you’ll find the benefits go much further than your bed sheets.