Dear Emily,

My boyfriend has expressed that he feels it’s unfair that I have so many sex toys when he doesn’t have any, but neither of us knows where to start. Do you have any advice for buying a sex toy for a boyfriend? Or recommendations for sex toys for men? I would love to get him something as a surprise gift! 

xo, 

Erin

P.S. My boyfriend is a cishet man, so he has a penis!

*  *  *

Dear Erin,

First of all, you’re a fantastic girlfriend to want to buy your boyfriend a sex toy. Congrats on taking the first step! This is going to open some exciting (and very sexual) doors for you both.  Despite multiple options for sex toys for men and penis-owners, the education surrounding these types of toys is not mainstream. Some men feel intimidated by the thought of buying a sex toy, and I’m here to help. 

But I firmly believe that everyone should own at least one excellent sex toy, even if they love going “acoustic” (AKA, hands only) for the majority of the time. Sex toys create new sensations, add variety, and can help us discover new pleasure points. Plus, it can be incredibly erotic to watch your partner play with their sex toy, making this a great gift for both of you. 

As for finding the right toy for your boyfriend? Let’s discuss.

1. Understand the basic penis sex toys. 

There are so many different types of sex toys out there, and that includes toys designed for those with a penis. Here’s a basic overview:

• Strokers and Sleeves. These are among the most popular choices for penis self-pleasure, as they mimic the feeling of being inside someone. There are so many great strokers out there, and you could honestly break this category into many subcategories. I recommend browsing on a site like Good Vibrations to see the different types. For a real treat, the ArcWave Ion is an exceptional stroker that uses pleasure-air technology (like the iconic Womanizer!) to provide a totally unique orgasm experience.
• Cock Rings. Cock rings are fun because they can be used solo or during partnered sex. Most people tend to use cock rings because they prolong ejaculation and can increase hardness, and this might be a solid option if your partner simply wants to practice edging while using his hands to masturbate. Some cock rings vibrate, making them very pleasurable for a vulva owner who wants her clitoris or outer labia stimulated. JeJoue’s Mio is one of my go-tos—It creates ultra-low vibration frequencies that can transfer down the shaft and onto the clitoris. Pleasure for all!
• Butt Plugs. If your partner is interested in having his anus explored, then consider a butt plug. While butt plugs often feel intimidating, they’re a fun way to add new sensations to sex, particularly if you have a prostate and want to chase that oh-so-pleasure “p-spot” orgasm. B-Vibe has dozens of options, ranging in all different shapes, sizes, and vibration patterns. They even offer an anal training kit, which is perfect for anal play newbies.
  

2. Watch some porn sex toy scenes.

If you’re feeling confused about the different sex toys, one of the best ways is to watch them in action. Try searching “fleshlight” or “penis sex toy” the next time you decide to dive into some adult content and watch these sex toys in action. Seeing them onscreen will give you a better idea of how they’re used and what sort of reactions they elicit. For ethical porn options, I recommend Bellesa Plus. It’s the ”Netflix of porn” (seriously) and might help you brainstorm some sex toy ideas.

Of course, no one body is the same, and people respond to sex toys much differently depending on their pleasure preferences. You might even join your partner in the fun and ask him which toys he thinks would be fun to try. This leads me to… 

3. Talk to your partner. 

I know you mentioned wanting to keep your partner’s sex toy a surprise (which I find so sweet), but that doesn’t mean you can’t slyly start to investigate which toys he might like best. If you’re watching porn together, point out the sex toy onscreen and ask him if that’s something he’d be down to try. If you’ve experimented with some prostate play, like using your finger, ask if he’d be comfortable “leveling up” with a butt plug. Like shopping for someone’s Christmas present, shopping for someone’s sex toy does require a bit of sleuthing, so don’t be afraid to fish around for some clues. 

While it can be intimidating to talk to your partner about exactly what sort of self-pleasure he’s into, these sorts of “adult sex talks” have fantastic rewards. Not only will you likely learn more about what makes him feel good, but the conversation alone might be enough to turn you on. 

4. Try it out with him. 

Okay, you’ve done your homework, scoured the internet, and found what you feel might be the perfect toy for your partner’s penis. Congrats! Now comes the fun part… 

Depending on your boyfriend, he might want to try out his toy on his own—and that’s okay! Lots of people prefer using their sex toys in private. But if he wants you to join in on the experience, great, because now you can learn how he responds to the toy IRL. 

Now he’s got a new toy in his collection, and you can feel good about giving him something that he (and his penis) adore. Maybe the two of you can even play with your toys together in a super hot mutual masturbation sesh. Knowing you’re about to give your boyfriend the ultimate gift—the gift of pleasure—has got to feel pretty amazing!

xx,

Emily

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