I thought I knew how to give a blow job. I talked to a bunch of men and women about their preferences and techniques, and I was still convinced I knew how to give a blow job. But many years ago, I met Conner Habib and he really changed my mind. Here’s a round-up of some of my advice, Conner’s advice, and all the advice I’ve received from my Sex With Emily listeners combined into one glorious guide to giving amazing blowjobs.

10 Tips on How to Give a Blowjob

1. Under Pressure

One of the biggest blow job mistakes is not applying enough pressure. While you don’t want to go vampire on the penis, you are going to want to suck. If you’re not sure how much pressure to apply, pop up and ask. Remember, all penis-owners have different sensitivities. Sucking on the head is overwhelming for some, while others might love it.

2. No Teeth

Alright, we’ve all heard Cosmo’s “give a little nibble” advice, but that doesn’t necessarily feel good for the penis-owner. While some people like to pucker their lips, the safest bet is to stretch your lips completely over your teeth to prevent any accidental harm to the receiver.

3. Helping Hand

While you don’t need to use your hand for a good blow job, it does make it a hell of a lot easier. A hand gives you lots of momentum and the freedom to focus on the head. Plus, you don’t have to swallow the entire penis. Some people like it when you give their penis a light twist while licking on the tip.

4. Lick It

Swirl your tongue around the head before swooping back down the shaft. Circles are always good when it comes to genitalia. Do whatever you need to do to keep your tongue up and licking. Try to imagine you’re licking an ice cream cone.

5. Slow and Steady

Some penis-owners will want you to make love to their penis with your mouth. If you’re going to slow it down, make sure your tongue stays active. Keep it working the shaft and tip and remember you don’t have to race through the experience.

6. Grab Life By the Balls

There are two kinds of penis-owners in this world: those who really want you to touch their balls and those who really don’t want you to touch their balls. You can find out what kind of partner you’re dealing with by giving the testicles a light tap. Try caressing the balls while you suck on his penis. Pay attention to how your partner reacts. If they’re enjoying it, massage the balls while you have the penis covered with your mouth.

7. Deep Throat

We all know that many penis-owners love deep throating and all that fun stuff. While a handjob–and–blowjob hybrid certainly gets the job done, deep throating can be thrilling….although sometimes in a horror movie kind of way. Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but it can get pretty intense. Relax your throat and only go down as far as you feel comfortable. Breathe through your nose and lick while the penis slips down your throat.

8. Change is Good

While some people are one-trick ponies, most penis-owners like it when you change things up every once in a while. Changing things up does not mean trying something really creative and different right when they’re about to come.

But you should lick outside your comfort zone from time to time, especially if you’re sucking on the same penis every day. If you’re deathly afraid of his balls, bounce them around in your hands. If you’re always using your hands, suck it up and give deep throating a try. Or if you’re feeling it, give a blow job right when your partner walks in the door or wake them up in the morning with your mouth.

9. Eye Contact

Look lovingly into your partner’s eyes while you take their penis in and out of your mouth. Making meaningful eye contact while you’re licking the tip can be a turn-on.

10. Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is key for both cunnilingus and fellatio. You LOVE your partner’s genitalia. You draw doodles of their penis with hearts and they write love poems to your vagina. That is simply the basis of a good relationship.

You might not always be super pumped when your mouth is balls-deep, but you do it because you care about your partner’s pleasure, and hopefully, they’ll lick yours after.

If you enjoy giving a blow job, it’s because you get pleasure from giving pleasure and you’re good at it, damn it. Don’t ever do anything half-heartedly or half-assed in sex. With tongue on the tip, finger on the balls, and eyes on their eyes, go down on the penis-owner in your life like you mean it.