Prostate Play 101

man in underwear with his hand behind his back

Hey, you. Yeah, you there – the one who’s heard about prostate play, but haven’t tried it yet. I see you. I know you’re booty-curious. 

In truth, prostate play for penis owners is kind of like G-Spot play for vulva-owners, allowing for very intense orgasms, with a more internal quality. So it’s definitely pleasurable, definitely fun. But if you’re brand new to this world, where exactly do you begin? 

Right here. Let’s talk about all things prostate play, so you can explore a whole new world of sexual sensation. 

What’s up with the prostate, anyway? 

The prostate secretes fluid that nourishes and protects sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes this fluid into the urethra, and is expelled with sperm as semen. When the prostate is massaged, it can lead to a more powerful orgasm – not to mention more intense sexual interplay, what with your deep pelvic floor muscles and your sphincter muscles contracting during climax. 

Sound fun? Of course it does! Here are some ways you can pleasure your partner’s prostate.

Have them prepare their booty

Maybe this sounds obvious, but it’s important to clean – either solo, or even as erotic foreplay moment in the shower – using soap and water on the outside of the anus opening.  (And expelling all waste before you cleanse is a great idea.) Also, make sure they consider their diet 24 hours leading up to play time: they’ll probably want to avoid foods or consumables that shake up their digestion.

Relax the sphincter muscles

The sphincter muscles are tight, y’all. But just like every other muscle group in our body, they can be relaxed for greater pliability. Helpful for anal play! You can prompt their relaxation with foreplay all over the body: massaging the thighs and glutes, kissing down the torso, and stimulating your partner’s genitals in whatever fashion you like. Including P-in-V sex, but just know that if your partner wants to “save” their orgasm for later, a delay spray could be extremely helpful. Promescent carries my favorite one

Once your partner is relaxed, lube up one finger, either your index or middle finger, and begin gently caressing the outside of your partner’s anus. (You can do this gloved or ungloved – your call.) They may begin to clench up more, but continue to kiss and touch, and breathe together. After your partner relaxes, you will feel the ring of sphincter muscles relax. At this point, very gently, insert the finger up to the first knuckle.

Go a bit deeper

If this is an anal play rookie, their sphincter muscles will likely clench around your fingertip. That’s alright – continue with gentle in and out movement, until you are able to insert the rest of your finger. Listen to your partner here: if they need more lube, oblige them. If they’d like to stop for today, respect their wishes.

Massage the prostate

Once one finger is comfortable, try slowly inserting a second one. If you are face to face with your partner, turn your palm up with fingers extended while inside your partner. Slowly pull your fingers out in a come hither motion. You will likely garner a response from your partner because congratulations, you are massaging the prostate! Be aware however, if this is your partner’s first time, it may elicit an unexpected ejaculation. (In which case – congratulations, again!)

Toy time

Now comes the fun part. There is a litany of toys out there to stimulate your partner’s warmed up prostate. A butt plug continuously stimulates the prostate, whereas a vibrating nub or anal plug will most likely reduce your partner to an over-stimulated puddle. Also, anal beads are a great way to exert a back-and-forth, permission-based sexual experience – slowly pulling beads out creates an ebb and flow of pleasure in the moment.

If you’ve taken all of these steps, you have graduated summa cum laude on prostate play and are ready to try pegging. Yes! Using a strap-on dildo to stimulate your partner though is the kingpin of stimulating the prostate. Just remember — the anus is not as elastic as the vaginal canal. Lube is your friend, and it’s good to have a safe word during anal sex. Establish it prior to entry, and…don’t be surprised if pre-ejaculate is expelled from the prostate during this time. So check in with them, have fun, and enjoy giving your partner some intense prostate pleasure. 

Try, try again

When it comes to anal, don’t be discouraged if at first you don’t succeed. Like any sexual skill, it takes practice to get comfortable, and comfort is the precursor to surrender – which the receiver will need, when being penetrated here. So allow your prostate play to be a journey, where you explore a potentially new form of sex, and make discoveries along the way with each other. Enjoy!