6 Ways to Upgrade Your 69

A woman kissing another woman's neck

Listen: whatever you think about 69 as a sex position, I guarantee you have an opinion. And if you’re like 99% of my show listeners, your opinion is either:

This is the literal BEST!


I hate this 😒

If you fall into the latter camp, please know that I do understand. Even the sexiest 69 sesh can feel like a juggling act: “should I focus on how it’s feeling right now? Oooh that’s nice. Oh wait I have to keep doing my part – OK cool, hope they liked that – anyway back to sensation…” 

In other words: it’s a lot.

The classic 69 position involves one person laying down on their back, with the other person on top, facing them – except, the heads and feet are reversed, so you both have oral access to each other’s genitals. Like I said, hot – but a lot. 

You can make 69 more erotic though, and less multi-tasky, with a few helpful tweaks. Behold: six creative ways to up-level your 69, from toys to positions, role switches to finger action. 

1. Use your hands

I’ve talked about the “handy dandy” on the podcast before, but the gist is this: while one person is performing oral sex, the other person is performing a handjob. This came from an actual discovery I made with a partner of mine, where we realized that he could go down on me, while I pleasured him with the rhythmic action of my grip. We both orgasmed, we both loved it, and the best part – no lockjaw. Win win! Try it out and see if it’s helpful.

2. Switch top and bottom

Another easy tweak is to reverse who’s lying down and who’s elevated. If you’re used to lying down, you might find that being on top provides your partner more access to certain erogenous zones (like the perineum, for example), while if you’re typically the top, lying down might feel luxurious and relaxing. 

3. Take turns

There’s no hard and fast rule that your lips and tongues have to be in contact with one another’s genitals at all times. So the second 69 starts to feel awkward or exhausting, take a break from giving, and focus on all the pleasurable sensations you’re receiving. With your mouth free, it’s an excellent time to incorporate some dirty talk, or some positive feedback: never, ever doubt the power of a simple “that feels so good.”

4. Use a toy

Another way to make 69 feel très bien is to work in some toy action, which – like the handy dandy in tip #1 – takes the pressure off your mouth. But also, IMO, it’s super hot to have your partner use toys on you, and vice-versa. A vibrator like the Dame Pom is perfect for this situation, given that it’s pliable and can be manipulated to put pressure on different areas of a clitoris or penis – and with a broader body and a slightly tapered head, the Pom gives you options for both firm and soft contact. 

5. Make it penetrative

Speaking of toys, why not experiment here with different forms of penetration? Good Vibrations has a plethora of G-Spot stimulators, if getting oral on your clitors and internal stimulation to your G-Spot sounds nice. But don’t underestimate the power of fingers, too: you can certainly spice up 69 with digital anal play (especially if your partner is on top), and/or, by inserting fingers into the vulva.

6. Try sideways 69

Finally, you can make this quasi-athletic position a little more chill, with both of you lying down on your sides, mouths facing genitals. From here, you can use free hands to grab each other’s hips (or butt), which not only makes everything easier to reach, it’s less work for the partner who’s typically on top. 

Et voila! Your close encounter with 69 just got a little more inventive. Test-drive one or two of these tips during your next oral sex session, and see if it doesn’t turn into your new favorite position.