All Aboard the Masturbation Train!

Masturbation has always been a touchy subject in relationships. How exactly do you go about it when you’re having sex on a regular basis? Does masturbating mean that you aren’t that into your partner? Does it mean your partner doesn’t satisfy your needs? What if one partner does it all the time and the other has never even tried?

If masturbation is causing problems in your relationship, most of the time it’s due to a lack of understanding. Opinions and experience range immensely, and each new partner has a different take on the matter. There are some who get upset when their partner masturbates, seeing it as a form of cheating. Others don’t see masturbation as a problem, but still never talk about it with each other. Sometimes one partner has no actual issue with it, but still doesn’t see the point of doing it.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter who you’re with or your relationship status; masturbation is for everyone all the time. Masturbation isn’t a problem, it’s just a way of making yourself feel absolutely wonderful. So if you’re partner’s name and masturbation rarely are within three words of each other, it’s time to purchase them a ticket to Self-Love City. Here are some very valid reasons to get your partner (or yourself!) on the masturbation train:

Me, Myself and I

Masturbation is all about YOU. If your partner doesn’t see it that way, let them know that it has absolutely nothing to do with them. You masturbate as a way to bond with yourself, relieve tension on your own terms and because it’s fun! Reassure your partner that you love them (and sex with them), but you also love yourself. Also encourage them to try it for themselves—it will help them to realize how much pleasure and personal intimacy they are missing out on.

Gimme a Break

We all need a little alone time, regardless of how long you’ve been in a relationship (in fact, the longer the relationship, the more time you need). Sex takes effort and compromise. Just because we’re horny, doesn’t mean we always have the stamina or mindset for a quick romp in the sheets. Masturbation allows you or your partner to feel pleasure without having to prep for sex.

Orgasm 101

Masturbation is more than just self-pleasure for the sake of pleasure; it’s actually a pleasure lesson in disguise. The more that you masturbate and self-explore, the more you learn about your body, what turns you on and how you like to be touched. Especially if you or your partner have trouble in the orgasm department, masturbation can help you find your way to climax. It can even help you last longer by ways of muscle memory! Isn’t science awesome?

 

 

Fantasize and Visualize

Ever been asked what your fantasy is, only to be…speechless? It’s an important question, and if you’ve never masturbated, how would you know? The more time you spend getting intimate with yourself, the more comfortable you’ll be letting your mind tap into your fantasies. Think about it: you’re entirely alone and in your own head, where no one can judge you, allowing you to use the full extent of your imagination. You may never feel comfortable sharing these thoughts out loud, and that’s okay! You can bring these fantasies into the bedroom and keep them completely in your mind. Just the thought of your fantasy can help you achieve your orgasm faster than without, so why not give it the good ol’ college try?

Treat Yo’self

Honestly, masturbation is fun as all hell. There’s an entire industry specializing in toys and tools that cater to making your one-on-one sessions exciting, many with multiple orgasms as an end-goal. Getting a sex toy really amps up your self-love game—and they can always be used during sex as well. Whether you get yourself a Fleshlight Turbo, a Womanizer or go classic with a Magic Wand, you can’t go wrong with more stimulation and sensation. Treat yourself to a toy and see how intense your orgasms can actually be!

Relax

Everyone experiences stress, and while there are many ways to cope, there’s nothing quite like an orgasm to help your worries fall back into the dark pit from where they came. Sex isn’t always going to be available to you, and let’s face it, it might be one of the issues contributing to your strenuous life. Masturbation is one of the best stress relievers because you can knock out an orgasm (or two, or five), get some of that joy juice—serotonin—released into your brain, and you don’t even have to spend any money! What a win.

Add Spice to the Sex Life

Although masturbation is usually a solitary activity, it doesn’t have to be. Mutual masturbation can be incredibly hot to watch and—bonus!—it’s informative! Watching your partner masturbate is essentially a step-by-step tutorial of how they liked to be touched, and how you can ensure an orgasm the next time around. Plus, seeing them get off will turn you on and you being turned on will turn them on, and you will continue down this amazing pleasure spiral until you’ve passed out from orgasmic exhaustion.  

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Masturbation has so many benefits, this list could go on forever. But ultimately, knowing the road map to your own body and pleasure can help you and your partner know more about the ins and outs of your body and desire. I mean, with a whole month to honor it, if you’ve never tried it, it’s time to start getting down…on yourself!

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2 Discussion to this post

  1. Many marriages would be less filled with discussions and fights if more people read this article. When either husband or wife doesn’t want to have sex that day, the do-it-yourself method can occasionally alleviate some of the stress from the marriage. Why fight over sex when you can have fun – and then enjoy ‘real’ sex the next day?

  2. Martha B says:

    Dr. Emily, I love your sex positive articles and you are always so open and honest and, most of all, fact based. As it has become less stigmatized and we know more, people have indeed relaxed and embraced masturbation. Not just in science articles but we can actually see this in the boom of sex toy industry and the popularity of so many online sites and services. But we still have so far to go.
    For many couples, partner does not always give each other the room and explicit permission to masturbate like they should. Perhaps, like expressing love, it is too often just assumed. Perhaps it is outdated shame or embarrassment or even old fashioned jealousy. I think a good way to break the ice and give implicit encouragement that does not embarrass is to give a partner sex toys and a wink. Let them know that you know they need it and that’s fine with you. Perhaps with a compliment such as your pleasure and orgasm is so strong when we have sex but I know how hectic our schedules are. So I hope you will use this a lot and thank me each time you ejaculate. I even told one of my boyfriends I always wanted to know if masturbating more will increase his urge, ejaculation, and pleasure. We set a goal together of daily, which is common. He liked that so much he increased it on his own to several times a day on occasion, when he is extremely horny. So encouragement can mean so much to a masturbating lifestyle.

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