4 Ways to Close the Orgasm Gap

Beauty portrait of happy young african woman with eye closed isolated on grey background with slight gap between lips

Orgasms: the climactic point of our sexual bouts, the light at the end of the tunnel, the eruption of pleasure that releases euphoric brain chemicals into our entire bodies. It’s a shame that the orgasm gap exists. For most of the penis-havers of the world, orgasms happen quite frequently. So frequently, in fact, that it’s almost astounding to them when they hear those of the vulvar persuasion aren’t as lucky.

Studies have shown that same-sex couples are having a helluva lot better sex than heterosexual ones. Reason being? It’s a bit easier to understand someone with the same tools in the toolbox.  So when your body’s roadmap differs from your partner’s, there is some studying to be done, and geography (of sorts) to go over.

This brings us to the orgasm gap. Yes, men on average only take around five minutes to climax, while women on average take about eighteen. For those who don’t want to do the math on their own, that’s 13 whole minutes of difference.

So how do you make up for lost time? There are a few ways to even the score a bit more. And, this information isn’t solely for the male-female relationships of the world either, because as most of you with a partner (should) know—everyone has a different way of approaching orgasm. 

Don’t forget your foreplay.

Many times in relationships, we start off hot and heavy, taking our time before we get to the main event. Then, as time goes on, we begin to get “lazy,” if you will, and speed up the process tenfold. But it’s been said before and I’ll say it again: foreplay is not a suggestion, it’s a requirement. You can start foreplay inside the bedroom or outside, and trust it will yield results.

The more time you spend touching, kissing, and exploring each other’s bodies, the more aroused you’ll be before you start having sex (whatever that looks like to you). The more turned on you are, the more likely you are to orgasm, and honestly, the more fun you’ll have. Who doesn’t like being turned on?

Get topical.

I get it—some of you can perform all the foreplay in the world but want to orgasm through actual penetration. Still, foreplay helps. And if you’re going penis to vagina or penis to prostate, the penetrative partner can’t always last as long as needed.

In comes Promescent – an FDA compliant delay spray that will allow you to last longer. You spray it on the penis, wait 10 minutes (great time for some foreplay action) and begin the insertion! The best part is that it doesn’t transfer to your partner, and unlike other sprays, only numbs you a very miniscule amount – just enough to give you a few extra minutes.

Explore some vibrations.

When it comes to lessening the gap between orgasms, any extra sensation can’t hurt, so why not add in some good vibes? (Vibrators, that is.) Any vibe will do. Whatever your go-to is (if you have one), using it during sex can help give that person who needs a little extra time to climax that oomph they need to get there.

Communicate with each other.

If the sexual scales aren’t balanced, one of the best things you can do is talk to each other about what is or isn’t working. No one is a mind reader, so how are you supposed to get past a ten-minute gap between orgasms if the most you do is give your partner a look? Sorry, not sorry—your look says nothing.

If you take longer to orgasm and your partner always seems to finish when you feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick, don’t play the blame game. Bring up some things that will help you reach your climactic goals outside the bedroom so you can work together to make sure you both finish the next time you’re horizontal (or vertical).

If you need more oral sex, tell them it’s pivotal to your arousal. Have a certain position that helps you finish, let them know what it is. The point is, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell someone what you need to have an orgasm – it isn’t selfish, it’s fair. And if they can’t see that, do you really want to be with them anyway?

Whatever combination of couple you are, both you and your partner should work together on helping each other across the orgasm gap. Very few will have the same minute count when it comes to that finish, and it’s okay to realize that. The thing is, while there may be a start and a finish, it isn’t a race – so enjoy the journey.