When you think of foreplay, do you think touching, kissing, massaging? And do you think that happens in the bedroom as simply a perfunctory “warmup” for the big deed? Like, say, 10 minutes worth?
Well, think again. Foreplay isn’t just for the bedroom. In fact, it can be a geographically diverse series of events! It should even start wayyyy before sex.
This article will help you prime yourself and your partner for a sexy night. Here are some things you can do to make the leading up to sex (almost) as good as the sex itself.
The Buildup To The Bedroom
Timing is key for sexual play. Many times our mood, our circumstances, and other things can get in the way of us truly enjoying our sexy time. Therefore, the time, effort, and thought you put into the “buildup” prior to sex can pay off major dividends.
Foreplay starts way before even getting into the bedroom. If you are interacting with a live-in partner, it can start when waking up the “morning of.” Our minds are suggestible, so if you want to plan a hot sexy night with your partner, you can start by mind f-ing them (in a good, yummy way) in the morning.
Plant the seeds of a sexy night ahead by whispering in your partner’s ear some dirty talk. Talk about things you are going to do to them or what you want done to you. Anticipation is yummy so milk it!
We tend to think sex should be quick to be passionate – not so! The buildup can get your juices flowing and create more sexual polarity.
What’s the biggest sex organ you own? Your brain. And what is the communication tool we use the most? Texting. Bringing some dirty talk into texting (ie, sexting) is one of the best ways you can incorporate foreplay into your “out of the bedroom” life prior to sex.
Sext your partner while they’re away or at work. Build up that sexual tension. Tease them. Take a hot photo of yourself and send with a saucy text about how much you are looking forward to sex with them.
Again, don’t wait for nighttime to start the dirty talk. Set the stage earlier in the day with some surprise sexting.
Priming Your Body
If you want the most out of your orgasms (and who doesn’t?), consider priming your body by building your pelvic floor. A great device to help you with that if you are female-bodied is the Yarlap. The Yarlap helps you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which are essential for a strong orgasm. The Yarlap won a Women’s Health FemTech award for “tools designed to empower women for physical and mental health” and is an FDA cleared treatment that requires no pills or surgery. Featured in Bustle, InStyle and Huffington Post, the Yarlap is an electronic device that tones your pelvic floor muscles by sending gentle signals to the muscles from inside your vagina. Sweet!
For male-bodied peeps, you can strengthen your pelvic floor too! You can also try withholding from orgasming for a day or two, or even try edging while masturbating. This way you can build the sexual tension leading up to sexy play night.
Probably one of the most important facets of foreplay is physical touch. For example, one study found that, “Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.” Finding those erogenous zones is vital for great foreplay touch.
Hands, lips, inner thighs, ears…Don’t forget that full-bodied, hot sex relates to, well, the full body! Often a nice massage can lead to great sex. It depends on how relaxed it makes you. One thing is for certain – touch can stimulate the nervous system and help you both get into the mood.
But, again, don’t wait to get to the bedroom to start this touching foreplay. Try kissing in the car on the way home. Or coming up behind your partner and kiss their neck while they do dishes in the kitchen. Consider starting up some foreplay in the garage, or in the back yard. I find the laundry room to be erotic. Sit and spin, baby! Use the vibration of the dryer to get things started.
Taking a shower together is a great way to enjoy the pleasurable sensations of warm water running over your bodies. Incorporate an element of surprise. You don’t even have to end up having sex in the bedroom. There are lots of other fun places to have sex.
Make foreplay an exploration and adventure!
Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed!