As much as we’d love for every partner to be an expert in cunnilingus, that dream is a far cry from reality. We know people aren’t mind-readers, and vaginas are all about as similar as snowflakes. What works for one may not work for all, but there some key elements when you’re going down on a vulva.
When done correctly, oral sex gives all the parts of the vulva the attention they deserve and shows your partner that you want them to be just as sexually satisfied as yourself. Needless to say, in most of your relationships, being less-than-amateur at going down can cause sexual chemistry to sizzle out.
If any of this is hitting too close to home, don’t give up just yet! Everyone has the potential to become a vaginal victor in the mouth marathon. Before you let your mouth do the talking, try using a few of these cunnilingus tips to help you get your head in the game of giving head.
1. Take an anatomy lesson before going down.
If you’re traveling to a foreign land, you wouldn’t explore the streets without a map or GPS, would you? Think of oral sex the same way; take the time to learn what you’re getting into. Seriously, study the vagina. Google diagrams and facts, read a book if you have to. Hopefully, you’re already aware of the clitoris, but learning more about all things vulva will amp up your skills and wow your partner. You’ll want to learn about labias, where the urethra is, and pay attention to the mons pubis (the what? Exactly). And although you’re aware of the clitoris’ existence, spend some extra time brushing up on all of its complexities.
Did you know that there’s an inner clitoris, different quadrants and clitoral legs? That’s not even all of it! There is definitely more to it than meets the eye. You should refresh your understanding of other erogenous zones. Grab the butt, caress the breasts and nipples, and kiss the inner thighs. Covering all of these areas at once will make your partner go crazy and make you seem like an expert.
2. Listen & ask questions.
It’s true, you are never going to be able to read someone’s mind (sorry to burst your superhero bubble). That being said, if your partner is telling you what they like, then that’s exactly what you should do. Pay attention to their words and other verbal cues. Are they breathing heavily or moaning? Are they arching their back? These are signs of enjoyment, so if you notice them, keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing.
If they aren’t making much of any kind of sound or movements, maybe something just isn’t going right. If you aren’t hearing any auditory validation, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask them how they like to be touched or let them touch themselves first, so you can watch and try to replicate what they did with your mouth. It’s the easiest way to know exactly what they like.
3. Practice your tongue twisters.
Speaking of your mouth, it’s important to use your tongue, but don’t just lick the vulva like an ice cream cone. You want to start off slow, licking very lightly on the labia, the tip of the clitoris, and under the clitoral hood. Once you get more into it, a great trick to try is to spell the alphabet with your tongue around the clitoris. Once you find the letter that makes their whole body move, stick to it, going faster as they rise towards climax.
Keep in mind that one day, your partner may be loving the ‘S’ move, but be totally into ‘G’ the next, so never go straight to what you think their favorite is each time. In the midst of licking, try a little sucking as well. Despite appearances, the clitoris is not a straw, so BE GENTLE. Some vulva-owners love this feeling, but others do not, so only use it if they respond favorably. Get creative, too! If you can roll your Rs, try doing that around the clitoris to simulate a buzzing sensation, or dirty talk while you’re down there. And if it seems to be working, keep it up!
4. Lend a helping hand.
Just because it’s called oral sex doesn’t mean you can’t also let your fingers do some of the work. Unless you have a Gene Simmons-esque tongue, you won’t be able to stimulate the g-spot too well without some help. Inserting your fingers into the vagina will allow you to stroke the g-spot and lick the clitoris simultaneously for a blended pleasure experience. Using one or two fingers in a “come hither” motion will rub the g-spot perfectly.
This is especially great when your partner is nearing climax because it makes the orgasms even more explosive. And, although you shouldn’t stop using your mouth completely, using your hands as helpers will keep your tongue from cramping and give you a breather.
5. Lube it up.
You might be wondering what purpose lube would have during oral sex; your mouth is wet right? Well, I don’t know about you, but my mouth is not always overflowing with saliva. Sometimes, we need a little extra help in the fluid department, and that’s where lube comes in. It keeps everything nice and slippery, and depending on the type of lube, can really enhance the experience.
There are flavored lubes, making taste an excuse that is no longer valid. In fact, JO’s Gelato lube collection has delicious flavors like creme brûlée and hazelnut espresso to turn your partner into a sexy dessert you just can’t wait to finish. Anything to add to your own level of arousal and excitement will most definitely add to hers—so consider a flavor before going down.
6. Confidence is key.
Have you ever received oral sex from a partner who seemed… apathetic? I would think it’s a mood killer. The same goes for cunnilingus. If you go down and you seem less than interested, it’s going to be hard for your partner to stay in the mood. Maybe you are interested but aren’t sure how to show it. Just like in the dating world, in the bedroom, confidence is incredibly attractive. Tell your partner how much you want to please them; make eye contact when you can; let them know how much you enjoy what you’re doing; anything to show them your face is right where you want it to be! They’ll be able to vibe off of your energy which will help them keep their mindset oriented towards climax.
Whether you’re a cunnilingus master or not, there are always more techniques to learn, positions to try, and ways to enhance your oral sex skills. In fact, just the gesture of trying to please your partner and blow her mind shows that you care about their pleasure just as much as your own. Try new things, experiment to find what works. Flip them around on all fours if they’re normally on their back. Have them sit on your face or bring in some 69 action! And seriously, study a vaginal diagram, it will really help you. The better you make your partner feel, the more likely they’ll be to return the favor.
