6 Ways to Upgrade Your 69

Illustration of 69 sex position in a brown circle on a dark brown background

Ahh, 69ing. The great multi-tasker of oral sex.

Many of you don’t need convincing. You love 69ing, it’s your favorite, you do it all the time. Others need to be enticed, because, well – it’s not your go-to? You’ll agree to it, but rarely suggest it. It’s just a lot of…work. 

If that’s you, I’ve got six creative ways to make this oral classic more enticing. But first:

What is 69ing?

Usually it involves one partner lying flat on their back, with the other partner on top, bodies facing each other (see below).

illustration of the 69 sex position

The top partner is turned so that they’ve got oral access to the bottom partner’s genitals, and vice-versa. The yin-yang of oral sex. 

Why do people like it?

Lots of people enjoy the sensation of receiving oral sex, while simultaneously getting to taste their partners. There’s a lot of sensory stimulation happening. But in addition to that, many people get turned by the erotic overtones of 69ing: it’s highly intimate, even taboo for some.

Whether you’re a big 69 fan or not so much, the following ideas will give you lots of ways to spice it up. 

1. Use your hands

One common complaint of 69ing is jaw ache. If you’re giving oral for a while, your mouth gets tired! So work in hand play.

Alternate between performing oral sex, and performing a hand job. On a penis, this could look like wrapping your fingers around the shaft and using lube to pleasure it, the head, and the testicles (cup lightly at first – these can be sensitive). On a vulva, this could look like inserting a finger, then two or more, and pulsing on the G-spot. Even better if you use an arousal gel on your fingers to help engorge this area with blood, making it more sensitive to the touch. 

Psst, need a great lube and arousal gel? This is one of my VIP lubes with a subtle, woodsy essence, and this is my favorite arousal gel, made with CBD for extra blood flow. 

2. Switch top and bottom

Switch roles, between who usually lies down and who’s usually on top.

This is nice for basic sexual novelty (something we all need), but it also gives you oral access to different erogenous zones. For example, if you’re usually on bottom but now on top, you might find you can lick, kiss and tease their inner thighs more easily. If you’re usually on top but now you’re on bottom, you may discover you love giving oral in this context, which feels akin to face-sitting. Newness! 

3. Take turns being in charge

Make it a little kinky. Have one partner dominate the pleasure by strictly giving, the other submit to the pleasure by strictly receiving.

Not only does this help with the ADD aspect of 69ing, it introduces some fun power dynamics. And why stop there? Work in a blindfold, drip bodysafe candle oils down their legs, run your nails lightly down their thighs. While you’re calling the shots, you can (consensually) make them your plaything. 

4. Use sex toys

Now that we’re amping up our stimulation, this is a great time to introduce toys. A versatile, rumbly vibe like The Mimi by Je Joue feels amazing on their clitoris or perineum while you kiss their thighs. It’s also whisper-quiet, which is nice if you’re still getting used to the sound of a buzzing toy in bed. 

Pro tip: if you’re pleasuring the clitoris, don’t come at them with the toy on the highest setting all at once. Use it low first, taking it higher and applying more pressure as your partner gets into it. Also! If you’re using it along their perineum, that sensitive stretch of skin between testicles and anus, know that you’re indirectly stimulating the prostate: the highly sensitive gland inside their bodies responsible for truly explosive orgasms. 

5. Make it penetrative

Speaking of toys, 69ing actually gives you a great angle for insertion toys.

I personally love vibrating G-spot massagers that are slightly angled with tapered tips, like this one from We-Vibe. If you’ve been going down on your partner for a bit, chances are their genitals are engorged and ready for insertion (just ask before you do it, of course). Generously apply lube before inserting, communicating with them about what feels good. 

Another bold move is to use a prostate massager. This requires a lot of communication and some advance prep, so I wouldn’t recommend using a P-spot toy out of nowhere – but – they do feel extraordinary. This one from LELO has a nice handle and a finger-like motion to the internal arm, pressing on their prostate in a way that they’ll love. (Prostate orgasms are deep and powerful, analogous to G-spot orgasms for people with vulvas.) 

I think both of these tricks work best if your partner is on bottom while you penetrate them. So if you’re the top, the key here is to allow yourself some freedom in your movement. Holding a plank while using a vibrator inside your partner could get exhausting, so feel free to sit up and kneel, while still angled towards their genitals.

6. Try sideways 69

Finally, make this quasi-athletic position a little more chill. All the tips above apply here.

Take the exact same positioning you’ve got for regular 69, but lie on your sides. That’s it! From here, you can use your free hands to grab each other’s hips or butt, pulling them in toward you in a way that feels urgent and sexy. 

Et voila. 69ing, new and improved. Try one or two of these tips during your next oral sex session, and see if it doesn’t turn into your new favorite sex act. 

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