We’re back with another round of “embarrassing” sex questions!

When I put out the Instagram call for penis questions you’re too afraid to ask out loud, these were the top contenders. I say “embarrassing” because as a sex educator, these are ~truly~ questions I get all the time. And there is zero shame in wanting answers. 

For past “embarrassing” questions about attraction, anal and toys click here, and for past “embarrassing” questions about masturbation click here. Let’s get into it with your penis queries: 

“Can I train to ejaculate with more force? Right now it kind of dribbles out when I climax.”

Yes you can. Two things I recommend:

First, do kegels. These are muscular contractions of your pelvic floor, which is the muscle that spasms when you ejaculate. It naturally atrophies with age and with lifestyle, especially if you have to sit a lot during the day. But you can train it: 

• Squeeze as though trying to stop the flow of urine
• Hold for 10 seconds, then release 
• Repeat 10x 
• Aim for 3 sets in a day

A stronger pelvic floor will result in a more intense orgasm, which will also affect your ejaculate force. 

Second, take a supplement that builds up semen. Popstar is an extremely buzzy supplement that achieves this goal. It’s made with Pygeum, an herbal extract that increases prostate secretions and seminal fluid, and Lecithin, a lipid associated with increased ejaculatory volume. Safe, effective, reviews are off the charts. 

*Get 20% off at Popstar when you use code “EMILY” at checkout

“How much curve to a penis is normal and can/does it add pleasure? Best positions?” 

Some penis curvature is absolutely normal. Typical curvature ranges from 5 to 30 degrees, so imagine a clock. A 30-degree curve looks like 9:10 on the clock. A 5-degree curve looks like 9:13 on the clock.

As far as its ability to add pleasure: that depends on your partner. Just like every penis is unique, so is everyone else’s anatomy. It also depends which way your penis is curving. If you’re having sex with someone who has a vagina, the tip of your penis might hit the G-spot quite nicely. Then again, it might hit someplace they don’t love, so the best way to ensure a good time is open communication and feedback. 

For intercourse positions, missionary works well for an upward curve. For a side curve, try “T-position” where your partner lays on their back, and you lay on your side, resting on your hip. They’ll lift their legs to rest on your top thigh, and you enter them from the side. 

“Are there creative ways to make sex more pleasurable for my partner (who has a vagina) with a smaller sized penis?”

Absolutely! It’s all about stimulating more of their internal clitoral network.

One easy way to do this is with a vibrating penis ring, which sits at the base of your shaft. (PS, this should also feel really good on you too.) The head of the vibrator will make direct contact with your partner’s clitoral glans, the part of the clitoris that you can see. The rest of their clitoral organ is actually tucked inside the body, and the vibrations of the penis ring will stimulate it. It honestly feels incredible – this is one of my favorite toys to recommend to couples. 

I’ve got a selection of penis rings for you to choose from here. 

“How much of male arousal is physical vs. emotional/mental?”

While there’s no blanket answer that can explain all of male arousal, I really love this question. I want to challenge the premise though, because it’s a binary that pits physical qualities against non-physical qualities. But arousal doesn’t always work in such a black and white way.  

Have you ever seen someone you were initially attracted to, then you talked to them and realized there was no spark? Has the reverse ever happened? My point is: looks do affect our arousal response – in males and females! – but they’re not everything. 

Arousal is your body’s response to stimuli, and what stimulates you is quite personal. Someone’s smell could turn you on, someone’s quick wit and personality could turn you on, someone’s talent could turn you on. To crack this code for yourself, think less about “male arousal” and notice what’s going on inside you the next time you’re aroused. Was it their looks? What specifically appealed to you? What were they doing at the time? How did they interact with you? 

Asking yourself these kinds of questions will give you a lot more information about your unique turn ons, which is helpful data for present and future partners. 

“I’ve lost a lot of penile sensitivity over the past 10 years. Can I get it back?”

Yes, although it depends on what decreased sensitivity in the first place. 

Since you mention the past 10 years, it could be testosterone decline, which happens naturally with age. As T levels decrease, you might feel less sexual response. The solution for this is exercise, which increases your body’s levels of free testosterone and increases blood flow, which tones the arteries and veins in your penis. 

Another faster solution is an arousal gel, particularly one with CBD – a vasodilator. This helps open up blood vessels wherever you apply it. Morgasm is a pretty incredible CBD arousal lubricant that addresses this issue and makes orgasms feel more intense. You can get it right here. 

“What’s the average amount of time men need between orgasms? I often ejaculate before I’d like, but want to go again.”

The refractory period for men varies a lot. For younger men, it can be as short as 15 minutes. For older men, it can be anywhere from 12 hours to a few days.

If you’re ejaculating before you’re ready though, a quality delay spray might help you a lot. It calms the nerve receptors in your penis, so they aren’t quite as sensitive during sexual activity. This gives you more control over your orgasm. Promescent makes my favorite delay spray: it’s an industry standard that I recommend all the time. 

“Is there anything to help size? What do penis pumps really do?” 

There is, but it’s good to have realistic expectations.

Short of surgery, a penis pump is your best bet. This tool creates a suction vacuum on the shaft which improves penis vascularity, engorging it with blood when you use it. Over time, the increased blood flow can improve stamina in bed, help with erectile response, and yield size gains. Will you suddenly grow several inches? No. But will you enjoy a more “swollen” appearance that consistently looks more engorged and vascular? For sure. Check out my penis pump guide for a more in-depth look at how they work and what you can expect. 

And there you have it! I love answering your sex questions, and can’t wait to do more of them. Come find me on Instagram @sexwithemily and let me know what else you’d like answered. 

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