Want to spice up things? Consider the sex dungeon. Now, don’t freak out: a sex dungeon doesn’t need to be the “red room of pain” from the 50 Shades movies. It can be as elaborate or as simple as you want, or as your budget and timeline allows. For example, you could decide to simply have a “sex room” or designate a corner of a room for your kinky play toys.
However high you aim, set an intention for the space and how you want to use it. Decide what activities you would like to do. Start with what you are already into, and then decide on what activities you might want to try in the space.
Once you decide those things, you can start designing to facilitate those activities. If you have enough square footage, you can leave room for future “build-out.”.This is where you can have new activities, kinks, or sexual pleasures you might be attracted to in the future. This is the equivalent of “creating space”—both energetically and physically—for your sex life.
A few things to consider when building your dungeon:
- Dimensions of the space
- Mood/color pallet/lighting
- Group play
Set the mood.
Setting the mood is key for creating the right BDSM space. So many things go into “mood” or “atmosphere.” Choosing the right lighting options can make or break the atmosphere you are trying to create. BDSM often incorporates a sense of drama and gravity.
For example, if you are dominant and want to get your bratty submissive into the right frame of mind that you are serious about your commands, you don’t want to have bright lights and pastel-colored pillows everywhere. There’s a reason BDSM colors tend to be in the black/red/grey area. They connote a sense of dark drama and suspense. (Of course, you can tailor the mood/colors to any type of kink so don’t feel wedded to dark colors… It’s just something to consider!)
Rethink the bedroom.
Contrary to popular belief – you don’t need a bed to have a dungeon! In fact, a lot of dungeons do not have a bed in them. So, if you feel your bedroom is not ideal for a sex dungeon, don’t panic. You can use another room or space to create a dungeon. Maybe put it somewhere that isn’t your normal “living” space like a basement or attic.
In any event, you should think about the dimensions of your available space so that you can plan accordingly. This is especially important if you are considering group play. The more people, the more space you need!
Consider the level of privacy you need. You don’t want Aunt Bessie accidentally stumbling on your kinky dungeon on the way to the bathroom. Consider what kind of doorway you want, including what it looks like on the outside. Locking the door is another way to maintain your privacy. Sex isn’t something that should carry shame – but there is nothing wrong with keeping your sex life private.
Similarly, if there are windows in the room that people can see into, you might want to consider blacking them out. This helps with mood and privacy. Some people even sound-proof their sex room or dungeon so that their play can be as loud as they want.
Products for the perfect sex space.
Regardless of your kink level, there are tons of products that can help you design the perfect space for awesome sexy time. Here are some great sex dungeon toys, accessories, and furniture:
Sex Swing. A sex swing is such a great addition to a dungeon. You can grab this affordable one from Sportsheets for around $73. What is great is that you don’t have to fasten it to the ceiling with a large screw. It is built to fit on a door jam and is versatile enough to accommodate several different positions.
Blackout Mask. If you are not able to fully black out your windows, a blackout mask is a great way to create atmosphere and suspense. Sportsheets has a great one you can buy and keep hanging on your dungeon wall.
Cuffs. A dungeon just wouldn’t be complete without having a set of handcuffs on hand to restrain your partner. If you have a bed, you can keep them near it. Or, use this one designed to place your partner’s wrists above their head. Better yet – if you are doing some bed play or even floor play, these suction cuffs are an awesome option for restraint.
Collar and Leash. Your bottom/submissive might like to be led around by the collar in a session. In that case, you can install a hook on the wall and hang a collar and leash to use in your dungeon.
Spanking Paddle. Implements for pain play (ie, impact play) can be a big part of your dungeon play. There are so many to choose from, from whips to floggers to canes. I like to tell people to start with a basic: the paddle. They aren’t too expensive and are a good place to start – as well as a “mainstay” of spanking if you want to more than just bare-handed spanking.
Storage. We usually get caught up in all the fun sex toys and implements we can buy and use in our dungeons. But we forget that they need someplace to live when we aren’t playing. Choosing the right storage can help you plan your BDSM sessions and organize your toys. One way to organize and store your implements when not using them is to install hooks on the walls of your dungeon. This not only helps keep you organized but having them out on display can set the psychological tone you may want for your submissive. Bonus tip: strap-ons are better stored on hooks rather than jumbled up in a drawer.
Clean Up. Playing in the sex dungeon can get messy. By the end of your session, there’s a good chance you’ve got a few fluids on various parts of your body. Freshen up with Woo More Play wipes of you don’t have time for a full shower!
Keep your dungeon safe.
Often people get all caught up in the excitement of creating a dungeon that they don’t consider safety elements that should be incorporated into the design and planning. If you are using restraints, doing pain play/impact play, or any other potentially physically and emotionally risky activities (ie, sadism, humiliation, consensual non-consent, etc), you need to consider safer alternatives and contingency plans.
For example, if you are planning on a lot of impact play, you might want to have a cooler handy with ice, or have ice packs stored in your storage area/container. You also want to consider what items are necessary to help with aftercare, such as soft blankets and pillows to cuddle your submissive or partner. Think of anything you have used in the past or need to soothe your partner if you are a top/dominant and especially if you partake in intense play.
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At the end of the day, your sex dungeon is your space. Let your inner BDSM guru go wild and make it your own.
Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed!