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Dear Dr. Emily,

Do you have any tips for lasting longer in bed? I have always had trouble climaxing too soon in the bedroom and would like to last longer. It’s not something that my girlfriend has brought up as a problem for her or anything, but I can’t help wanting to last longer in bed.

Sincerely,

Seeking Sexual Stamina

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Today, we’re talking about my second-favorite bedroom activity: sleep. I’m putting on my PJs, setting my phone to ‘Do Not Disturb’, and sitting down with sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus. He tells me how to figure out what kind of sleeper you are, what that says about your sex drive, and how you can take advantage of your body’s natural rhythm to optimize your day.  
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An objectively rough year is finally coming to a close. For most of us, a new year means setting new goals and wishes. We go about creating vision boards and to-do lists, putting most of our attention on professional, academic, and financial success. But what about sexual goals and wishes?

The truth is, we need to prioritize our sexual happiness and wellbeing, just as much as every other part of our lives. To help with that, here are 5 intentions you can add to your 2021 vision boards, wish lists, and goal sheets to level up sexually.

Cultivate intimacy.

Whether you’re wanting to be more intimate with a partner or yourself, you have to do it intentionally. It’s important to remember that intimacy does not have to mean physical contact. Intimacy can be having a deep conversation with your partner, preparing their favorite meal just to be nice, washing their hair, or massaging their feet while asking them about their day.

If you are wanting to be more intimate with yourself, try meditating, journaling your thoughts, or having intentional solo sex. Make your next masturbation session nice and slow, giving yourself ample time to bathe in those feelings of yes.

Explore your pleasure.

We are ever-evolving and growing, which means the things we enjoy can and do change as well. Set the intention to explore the different things you enjoy and find pleasurable, both sexually and otherwise. Explore new positions to masturbate in, new forms of stimulation (reading erotica is a really great stimulant as it really lets you use your imagination), and ask your partner to try new things with you. Don’t feel bad if something you used to love no longer does it for you—that’s totally normal, especially as our bodies change over time. 

Release expectations.

It’s very common for us to go into sex with expectations. However, aside from the expectation that you’ll enjoy yourself, additional expectations can create a lot of pressure. Set an intention to release expectations, and fully live in your sexual experiences, whatever they might be.

For example, if you walk into all sexual interactions with “I want an orgasm,” or “I am going to have so many orgasms,” then your chances of disappointment increase exponentially. Try to walk into sexual situations purely with an expectation of enjoyment. Enjoy how every touch feels, enjoy how well you and your partner are communicating, enjoy the moment of togetherness, or aloneness, as a moment of release.

Turn yourself on.

If 2020 has taught us anything it was how to get comfortable being alone. Be prepared to keep that amazing energy!  Consider setting the intention to turn yourself on, just as much as you are turned on by or turn on others. Dance sexily for yourself in the mirror, take nudes solely for yourself, massage yourself, or talk dirty to yourself.

After all, you are your greatest sexual partner—so why not give into every aspect of you?

Be open and honest.

We live in a society that is built on shame and silencing sexuality and pleasure. It should be everyone’s intention to fight back against that in 2021. This doesn’t mean you have to go out and become the poster child of the sexual/pleasure revolution, but it does mean you should get comfortable talking about sex, intimacy, and everything in between with your partner(s), with your friends, and definitely with your children (if you have them or plan on having them).

Remember: Eliminating shame doesn’t happen overnight. But just taking some baby steps will help you get more comfortable and make big changes in both your life and the lives of others. Consider talking to your partner about something sexual you’re interested in exploring. Talk to your friends about what they are trying in bed. Make it a point to educate your children about their bodily autonomy and consent. 

Whether or not you choose to use these exact intentions for 2021, remember that your sexual wellness and pleasure are just as important as your financial, professional, academic, and personal success. We may not be able to control much of the world around us, but we can control the pleasure we experience. 

Javay da BAE is a sex educator, content creator, writer, and comedian. She is also known as the Millennial Sexpert. Her sex education work focuses on comprehension and inclusion while being accessible. She specializes in LGBTQIA+ identities, STIs, pleasure, and kink/BDSM. Visit JavaydaBAE.com to see her work.

You don’t know what you don’t know, especially when it comes to sex. I get so many questions from my listeners in their 20s, so I thought it’d be fun to showcase some of their insightful questions in one podcast, specifically the ones I wish I knew at their age. Anal sex, cheating, miscommunication in the bedroom, pain during sex, moving past shame, advice for starting an open relationship, and so much more all in this episode! 
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abstract art that says "Plan Your Pleasure"Welcome to 2021, everyone! I’m sure many of you are taking the time to set intentions, resolutions, and goals for the year ahead. And while that’s amazing, I’m here to encourage you to consider setting sexual intentions, or goals that are focused on prioritizing pleasure and intimacy. And to help you get started, we’ve created the Sex With Emily Pleasure Planner. 

This planner is a step-by-step guide designed to help you be more intentional about creating a pleasure-filled year. Do you want to have more orgasms? Are there fantasies that you want to explore with your partner? Maybe you simply want to enhance intimacy and pleasure in all areas of your life. In any case, the Sex With Emily Pleasure Planner will help you gain clarity on your sexual needs and desires and set actionable steps to obtain these goals for the year ahead. 

Do it solo to develop a deeper connection with yourself or try it with your partner to learn more about one another’s needs and desires. In any case, you’ll walk away with a pleasure-filled action plan to make 2021 your sexiest year yet.

Download the Sex With Emily Pleasure Planner

After all, when you fail to plan, you plan to fail. (I’ve definitely been there…) Having a plan in place for your sexual pleasure can make it so much easier for you to start incorporating better sex, more intimacy, and stronger communication in all facets of your life. 

And remember: I’m here to help guide you along the way. You can ask me anything. I love hearing from you, so send me your thoughts at feedback@sexwithemily.com. I’m always here for you. Let’s get it on!

Not all resolutions revolve around losing weight or reaching a career goal. January can bring about fresh starts in various areas of your life. And this new year, why not take the opportunity to explore new ways to pleasure yourself with some innovative (and highly pleasurable) masturbation techniques?

Whether you’ve been masturbating for years, or are new to the game of physical self-love, there’s always room for improvement. Here are some of our favorite game-changers to celebrate a brand new year of pleasure. 

Change positions.

The go-to masturbatory position is to lay on your back in bed. It’s convenient, easy, and comfortable. But when it comes to coming on command, angles are everything. Trying different positions just like you would during partnered sex, leads to different experiences and orgasms. 

Try sitting up on the edge of your bed, throw your legs in the air, or even get on your hands and knees. Something as simple as flipping over onto your stomach can change your masturbatory experience in ways you never would have expected. Plus it makes you work a little harder for that orgasm at the end of the tunnel. 

Incorporate your butt.

The obvious stars of any masturbation session are your genitals. But this year, why not work on stimulating other nearby erogenous zones while you’re at it? The anus is packed with nerve-endings, and if you let them, they can take your solo-love experience to a deeper level. 

While touching yourself, let your fingers wander a touch more Southward than usual. Test the waters and tease your butthole a bit at first. If you’re feeling adventurous, graduate to single finger penetration. If you’ve got a prostate, anal penetration can stimulate the “P-spot” and culminate in an orgasm for the ages. 

Masturbate after a workout or meditating. 

Masturbation isn’t just a physical activity—it’s a mindset. And so one of our favorite masturbation techniques is actually the work you do before you masturbate. 

If you’re in a bad, lazy, or sullen mood, your orgasm will almost certainly reflect that. Exercising floods the body with endorphins, chemicals that leave you with a positive and euphoric feeling. If you’re more into the mental workout, try 5 to 20 minutes of meditation to help soften the mind and rid the body of any lingering anxieties. Capitalize on that natural high or clear headspace and ride it straight through to your climax. 

Masturbate in the mirror. 

Even though masturbation mostly happens alone, that doesn’t mean it isn’t an act of intimacy. Self-pleasure is all about knowing your body being intimate with yourself. Level up the self-connection factor by positioning yourself in front of a mirror before you do the deed. Watch the way your face and body react when you touch yourself in different ways. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but remember to look at yourself lovingly and with admiration. This technique is great for boosting self-confidence and you might even learn a thing or two about how you like to be pleasured. 

Talk to yourself. 

Keeping in the theme of self-connection, try engaging in some dirty talk with yourself while you masturbate. Visualizing and vocalizing your pleasure can accentuate your sensual feelings and reactions. If something feels good, say it out loud! If you’re into it, go ahead call yourself a sexy name. Using your voice is a great way to liven up your solo sex life. 

Use the other parts of your hand.

When we’re not using toys to get the job done, the tips of our fingers usually do the heavy lifting when it comes to self-induced orgasms. But there is so much real estate on your hand that doesn’t have to sit idly by during masturbation. Using the smooth surface of the back of your hand on the shaft of your penis or a gentle knuckle above the clitoris is an easy way to mix things up. And of course, you can always use your non-dominant hand for a bit of a challenge. 

Don’t look.

Sensory deprivation is a fun way to bring a hint of mystery into the bedroom whether you’re having sex with or without a partner. You’d be surprised how much a blindfold can change the way you feel things, even if you’re the one doing all the touching. This technique is great for slow, sensual masturbation sessions. With a blindfold on, trace your hands over your nipples, down your sides, and across the insides of your thighs. It also helps to eliminate possible distractions and focus your concentration on your sense of touch. 

As you embark on this new year, remember not to put self-love on the backburner. Self-improvement isn’t about punishing or changing yourself. It’s about enhancing your experiences, and masturbation is no exception. 

Laurie Magers is a comedy writer and actor living in Los Angeles. Her favorite color is red and her favorite food is crab legs. Check out more from her at www.lauriemagers.com.

Let’s take off the metaphorical clothes and reveal our authentic selves, people. Today, we’re putting the spotlight on our deepest insecurities so we fully participate in loving ourselves. Whether you’re worried about your weight or your penis, the more we try to hide our fears, the bigger they get. To make it easier for you to share YOUR fears, my team gets real and lays it all out in the open. Turns out, a lot of us are fighting the same demons. 
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2020 might not have been our sexiest year, but today’s episode will set you up for 12 months of sex-cess.  Let’s say goodbye to the year of breakups and endless “doomsterbating” and hello to courtship, communication, and more orgasms.  Hear my sex and love predictions for 2021 and a step-by-step guide to plan a happy new year and a healthier year ahead. I break down how to create intentions that will work all year long. I love answering as many of your questions as possible, so let me know what you think about our new Rapid Fire segment. Let’s ring in this new year with a bang. 
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