Picture this: it’s Friday night. You and your partner are both off work. Time for a date…except, neither of you have made any plans. “Usual spot?” your partner suggests. You climb in the car, head down to the reliable dinner spot you’ve been to a hundred times before, settle in with your usual dish…
Stop. We all know how boring this is.
Variety is the spice of life – and, the variety of your sex life. We all know this, but when date night gets rote, your sex often pays the price. Why? Because you’re not stimulated. Aroused. Excited by new things. Great sex is precipitated by an erotic vibe you and your partner have conjured before anyone steps foot in the bedroom – but when dates are ho-hum, so is the sex.
So let’s help you have a creative date, one that’s perfect for chillier temps. These ideas are as unique as they are arousing, guaranteed to get your heart pumping, to enhance your intimacy, and of course…to build sexual tension.
Building arousing properties into the date experience
You might be wondering: “how exactly do fun dates create better sex?” The key is novelty. Research has found that the long-term couples who report having the most intense feelings for each other are those who engage in the most new and exciting activities together. What specifically creates that excitement?
- Physicality. When you’re active, your body sends more blood everywhere…including your genitals. This sends a signal to your brain that you’re aroused, but over time, exercise also plays a significant role in you sexual health and enjoyment.
- Sensory stimulation. Smell, taste, touch and so on engage our nervous system, inducing both presence and excitement.
- Learning. Some of us are attracted to intelligence (hello sapiosexuals!) but also, learning something together helps foster collaboration and new discoveries.
- Play. Games and playfulness allow you to express your creativity. They also build trust and bonding, and the playful energy you experience on the date itself can directly translate into sex later on.
Let’s parse those arousing properties one by one, and help you build date experiences around them.
Heart-pumping dates
Who they appeal to:
- This is the person who gets turned on by doing something heart-pounding with you: working out, hiking, getting super into their body and watching you get into yours.
Why they turn you on:
- Exercise releases feel-good chemicals into your body, because endorphins are a natural mood-booster.
- More blood flowing through your system = more blood going everywhere, including (as mentioned above) to your genitals.
Date ideas:
- Go hiking together
- Go trail biking together
- Partake in indoor rock climbing
- Do a hot yoga class
- Visit the farmer’s market
- Get brave, and go axe throwing
- Get retro, and go roller skating
- Get into winter mode, and go snowboarding, skiing, snow tubing or ice skating
Sensory dates
Who they appeal to:
- This is the person who loves art, loves culinary experiences, loves live music, loves touch…this is the person who feels it all.
Why they turn you on:
- Positive sensory experiences (delicious food, good music, etc.) give you little dopamine hits.
- The risk/reward system in your brain is closely linked, and dopamine reinforces the “rewards.” After you have a delicious piece of chocolate, dopamine is responsible for registering your delight.
Date ideas:
- Go see an immersive art installation
- Go to a wine-tasting together
- Make fondue at home with melted cheese + chocolate
- Draw a candlelit bubble bath, then reach for a waterproof sex toy to tease each other while you bathe: Je Joue’s Juno is ideal (or I love the Je Joue Hera – an iconic waterproof rabbit vibe with deep rumbly vibrations. *Pro Tip: Use code EMILY30 for 30% off.)
- Go see live music out on the town
- Book side-by-side couples massage
- Alternatively…give each other erotic massage, at home
- Get cultured, and go to a museum together
- Go to a fancy hotel w/ a fireplace and read each other erotica
Learning dates
Who they appeal to:
- This is the person who enjoys absorbing information, learning a new skill, or “figuring something out” together, like the way out of an escape room.
Why they turn you on:
- You might be sapiosexual, for one. A 2017 study found that for some people, the perception of high levels of intelligence in another person is so substantial that it may induce sexual arousal, more so than any other attribute.
- Learning together is also slightly vulnerable (in a good way). You’re engaging with a new activity, you’re doing your best, and you’re cheering each other on. Intimacy-building at its finest.
Date ideas:
- Go see an arthouse movie together
- Go to a cooking class, and make each other a gourmet dish
- Take a pottery class together
- Go to a tea ceremony and learn about the ritual and history of tea
- Take a partner dance class together
- Take a shibari class together
- Hire a dominatrix, and let them teach you BDSM skills
Fun-loving dates
Who they appeal to:
- This is the person who’s down to laugh, down for adventure, and maybe even a little friendly competition.
Why they turn you on:
- As people become more willing to try new things out of bed, they often become more open to sexual experimentation.
- Additionally, playful dates allow you to shake off your day-to-day roles (spouse, professional, parent, etc.), and inhabit a new energy…creating the conditions for imaginative sex later on.
Date ideas:
- Go to a trivia night
- See a show at a comedy club
- Go to an old skool arcade and play all the games
- Throw a costume party with a group of friends
- Shop for lingerie and/or sex toys together
- Play truth or dare
- Play “sexy stranger” (meet each other in public as different characters)
- Reenact your first date
Planning a date requires, well…planning. But don’t let routine, or winter itself, stifle your creativity. With foresight, an open mind, and a little inspo, you’ll enjoy your post-date sex all the more.
