Let’s talk honeymoon sex. That hot, feverish connection after months of buildup. 

Typically, honeymoon sex happens while the relationship is still relatively new – or at least the marriage is. When you have honeymoon sex, you’re probably coasting on NRE, aka new relationship energy. As a result, the sex still feels fresh, fun and super exciting. 

But fast-forward a few years, and sex feels…different. Less exciting. Less fresh. Maybe less fun. Dare I say, stale? 

Honeymoon sex fades for completely normal reasons. As we habituate to one another, the novelty factor goes down. We fall into routines in bed, we go through the motions, and you might think to yourself, “Where did those wild lovers go? Why don’t we rip our clothes off anymore? Why am I bored?”

If you’ve ever had those thoughts, there’s nothing wrong with you or your relationship. It’s just a sign that you’re ready to liven things up. And whether you’ve been married 25 years or aren’t married at all, you can dial in the honeymoon spirit. It just takes some intention.

Honeymoon Sex in 5 Steps

You can simulate honeymoon sex right at home, with the right prep and mindset. Here’s how.

1. Leading up to sex, don’t hang out for a little while. 

You may have heard of LAT or “living apart together,” a trend that’s been growing for about a decade. Couples do LAT for all kinds of reasons, including increased autonomy and flexibility, but there’s another perk: when you meet up, you’re excited.

Think about it…a little bit of space allows you to miss each other. And that’s part of the thrill of honeymoon sex: a hot coming-together. If you already cohabitate, you can experiment with this one simply by sleeping in separate rooms for a night. You’re building sexual tension! And btw, while you’re not hanging out, you can sext. 

2. Turn your bedroom into a literal paradise. 

I’m talking unrecognizably clean. Yes I know – it’s work – but think of the upshot. Fresh sheets? Zero clutter? Chocolate square on the pillow? (Ok, that one’s just for fun.)

Over the years, several studies have proven what you likely already know: having a clean room is an enormous boost to your mental health. When your room is tidy, you’re less anxious, more relaxed, and less prone to intrusive thoughts during sex. No wonder people love doing it in hotels! When you don’t have a bunch of random stuff lying around, it’s easier to chill out.  

You could also take things a step further, and turn your bedroom into a legit sex room. I spoke with Melanie Rose, host of “How to Build a Sex Room” on Netflix. Here’s our conversation for sexy decor inspo. 

3. Stimulate the senses.

Once your bedroom is clear, give it a light makeover for sex.

Think about a spa, and all the subtle tricks they use to soothe you. Essential oil diffusers. Music. Candles. When you make sex more sensory, you help turn off your busy brain…and turn on your body.

I’ve talked a little bit about your parasympathetic nervous system, but in a nutshell, it helps you get into a “rest and digest” state. That’s the one you want to activate for sex, so your brain and body can do the oh-so-important work of sending blood down to your genitals, making them erect and/or more sensitive to the touch.

4. Embrace erotic massage.

Speaking of spas, why not imitate one? IMO erotic massage is top-shelf foreplay. Massage releases serotonin and dopamine, your happy hormone and reward hormone, getting you into a good headspace for sex. But you can also evolve the massage to include breast and nipple stimulation, finger penetration, oral sex…

Don’t wait until you’re in a hotel to do erotic massage. Light some candles, cue up your sexy playlist, and take turns administering the massage itself. Bonus points if you choose one that’s lickable. 

5. Get a little adventurous. 

Honeymoon sex gets great PR because it’s one big novelty. You’re in a new setting and you’re a newly-wedded couple, after all. But for long-term couples, novelty is probably the single most important factor in sustaining sexual excitement. Why not claim some for yourself?

Now is a great time to wear something new that makes you feel hot, or to try something different in bed. No need to go wild! But you could test-drive a wearable vibrator that stimulates everyone, taste a flavored lube for oral, or enact a light fantasy. Sexy masseuse? Sexy masseuse with an accent? It’s playtime! Time to explore. 

There are so many tricks you can steal from actual honeymoons (rose petal baths, fluffy robes, room service…). But I recommend these five first, to give you a taste of at-home erotic luxury. Try them! And in the morning, don’t forget to sleep in. 

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