For those with a penis, having an orgasm during missionary usually isn’t too difficult. But if you’ve got a vulva? Different story. 

Missionary alone doesn’t provide a ton of clitoral stimulation – and a person with a vulva typically needs that for orgasm. But let’s be honest…this isn’t the kind of info they teach us in sex ed. So if you haven’t experienced one yet, don’t get discouraged. I’ve got some ideas to help make it happen. 

Whether it’s adding a toy, editing the position, or applying an arousal gel, there are a few boosts that make missionary much more orgasmic. Here are 3 tweaks to try. 

Bring in reinforcements. 

If you haven’t yet incorporated a toy into missionary, I highly encourage you to do it. It’ll light up the nerve endings in your external clitoris, making orgasm sooo much easier. Try: 

• Having your partner wear a vibrating penis ring. The motor will grind against your clitoris, while the ring itself keeps them hard.
• Wearing a hands-free vibrator. This one fits inside your vagina with a vibrating arm (don’t worry, there’s still room for the penis), while a smaller vibrating arm rests on top of your clitoris. 
• Slipping a small bullet vibe between your bodies during sex. This toy is also great for facing-away positions, like spooning or doggy style/rear entry. 

Ask anyone with a vulva who’s worked toys into sex: it’s a whole new world! But you can also try adjusting the position itself. 

Experiment with CAT position. 

Lots of couples find that CAT sex position can lead to orgasms for both. An acronym for “coital-alignment technique,” CAT position is a spin-off of missionary for penis and vulva-owning couples. It involves the partner on top using their body to help stimulate the vulva owner’s clitoris while penetrating. To do it:

• Have the top partner enter, just like normal missionary. Slide the penis in. If you’ve got a vulva, you can wrap your legs around your partner for a tighter fit. 
• Align the pelvis to the clitoris. This is where the magic happens. The top partner will align the lower part of their body (just above the base of the penis and below the belly button) to the bottom partner’s clitoris. You should both feel an added amount of pressure, which can feel particularly amazing.
• Move up and down. While penetrating, the top partner moves their body in an up-and-down motion to stimulate the clitoris. They do this while moving in and out, to really build up sensation for everyone. 
• Grind your way to orgasm. Keeping pressure on the clitoris, continue the “grind” but don’t be afraid to give/receive feedback (“a little to the left, please”). 

If mutual orgasms occur, fantastic. But if it doesn’t happen your first time around, don’t give up! It might take a few times for your body to learn this new stimulation technique, and be able to sink into the pleasure. 

Apply an arousal gel. 

Whether you’re adding in a toy or playing with new sex positions, I cannot stress the importance of incorporating lube. It increases sensitivity and decreases friction…but you know what really gives it some oomph? Arousal ingredients. 

This arousal gel feels particularly tingly when applied: it’s got CBD to open up blood vessels and pump up flow to your genitals. You’ll definitely feel more sensitive, have more responsive genitals, and if you do orgasm, it should feel hardier – more intense. That’s because you’ve got more blood engorging your genitals, resulting in a more satisfying finish. Cue the applause!

If you love missionary for the eye contact and intimacy, but don’t love it for the zero-orgasm vibes, you’re certainly not alone. But fortunately, there are fixes for that. Try one of these tips, and feel missionary become a lot more thrilling. 

Want more? Sign up for my newsletter and get sex secrets on the regular.