You’ve been bad, haven’t you?  

Maybe you need to be punished.

Maybe you’ve even got a sexy Dom, who can dole out the consequences. 

Listen: kink talk aside, Dom/sub dynamics (or D/s dynamics) are exploding in popularity right now. Short for Dominant/submissive, it’s a sexual vibe that can be incredibly fun…but there’s a catch.

If you’re the sub, what the hell do you actually say?

Being a good sub is about relinquishing control, in a container of trust. 

In my recent article (“How to Talk Like a Dom”), I discussed Dom/sub dynamics as a light form of roleplay. Think of it this way: the dominant partner (Dom) sets the rules. They exert control. They’re wielding power because they’ve got it, and you, little sub, have given it to them. 

The submissive partner (sub) obeys the rules. They relinquish control. They give up their power, willingly. Because it’s consensual, Dom/sub dynamics are an erotic way to play with power – and I would argue, a lovely way to deepen trust between two individuals. 

But know this: being a sub does not mean being passive in bed. It’s not pillow princess/prince vibes. You’ve got a job too, sub! And I think one of the most fun parts about being a sub is pushing against the rules your dom has set, so they can get you back in line. That’s the erotic tension here: one person pushing the boundary, the other enforcing it. A power struggle in the hottest way possible. 

Watching other subs helps you be a better one. 

Ethical porn can do you a real solid here. To see sub/dom dynamics in action, go to Bellesa, my ethical porn platform of choice, click the search bar, and type in “sub dom.” You’ll find a TON of videos, which are a) super, super hot and b) helpful in showing the vibe of this whole set-up. 

(Pro tip: Bellesa Plus, their premium subscription option, has even more sub/dom-style videos, and even explicitly educational videos on things like kink, bondage, and much more.)

Now that you know what a naughty sub acts like, here are some phrases you can try on for size.

1.) “Please?”

Ooh, a sub that begs for it. “It” could mean…a spanking, penetration, permission to come. Anything, really! But the hot part is that you’re being denied, until the dom says yes. Keep pleading, sub. You’ll get your reward.

(And PS: if you’re the sub and a penis owner, worried you won’t be able to control your orgasm in this situation, I get it! Don’t chance it, get a delay spray. Promescent Delay Spray is top-shelf: it’ll calm down your nerve endings until you’re ready to release. You’re welcome.) 

2.) “Yes Daddy.”

You knew this was coming! And no, it’s not played out: “yes daddy” never gets old, and that is a hill I’m willing to die on. 

Here’s why it’s hot: first, it suggests a command – one you are obeying. Second, it suggests, perhaps, a little DDLG-tinged roleplay. But let’s not get too technical about it! It’s sexy because it confers power, and just so we’re all clear, anyone can be a daddy. You’re a daddy! YOU’RE a daddy! 

(But not you, sub. You’re not a daddy. Maybe a brat. But not a daddy.) 

3.) “I need to be punished.”

This is a phrase you can reserve for special occasions, when you’re TRULY into it, TRULY in the sub headspace, and have TRULY dissolved into your rebellious sub character. Otherwise, it’s just cliche. 

But if the vibe is right, try this one for foreplay, sub. Sexting is perfect. It’s a tension-building phrase that gets you both thinking about said punishment: getting tied up? Getting a ball gag? Also, what did you do?? 

This phrase exists in the larger universe of “rules” the dom sets for you, so an actual infraction is key here. And remember: rules usually aren’t just about gratifying the dom. They’re about creating structure, which helps a sub relax! They can even be nurturing: wear silk underwear every day, for example. That’s a great sub rule. And, a fun one to break: “I need to be punished…I didn’t wear ~any~ underwear today.”

4.) “Harder.” 

Back to pleading for a moment. The ideal situation is when you’re so worked up you need more intensity, whatever that looks like. Thrusting? Squeezing? Flogging? You do you, sub. If you’re into impact play, “harder” might come naturally.

5.) “I can’t wait.”

Oh, but you have to wait. To feel their tongue between your legs. To touch them. To come. Whatever it is you’re being denied, this is a nice phrase to lean into the brattiness of it all. Whining encouraged.

6.) Their name. 

It implies: you don’t know what you do to me. It implies: you’re in charge. It implies: my brain and body are exploding right now, and your name is literally all I’m capable of saying. 

When you’ve been made to feel sooo helpless, so deliciously helpless, saying your dom’s name can be super sexy. The subtext is kind of sweet, actually: like you’re in awe of them, or maybe that you’re dependent on them. You can’t get this one wrong, so go for it. 

Whether you’re a bratty sub, a power bottom, or simply enjoy taking commands, there are all kinds of ways you can do this. But take these phrases for a test run, and see how your sub personality blossoms. 

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