While sexting is an ever-evolving art form (see: taco emoji), there’s one thing we can say for sure. When done well, it’s one of the hottest forms of foreplay, period. 

But sexting can also be intimidating. There’s the opening salvo. There’s build-up. There’s sustained banter (that you hope won’t go off the rails), and there’s possibly nudes (that you hope will get them off, rails not withstanding). What’s a smartphone user with a crush to do? 

You read this article, that’s what. Even if you’re a seasoned sexter, I’m giving you ideas to make your next sesh even hotter. 

1. Keep the opener cute

Listen – I love sexts, but it can be nerve wracking to get things started. I recommend holding  off on sending anything too NSFW, too early. You want their consent, but you also want to gauge if now is a good time to get the sexting started. One option? The capsule collection I just dropped with HiNOTE, the visual texting app. It’s a full menu of stylish, personalized text templates you can use to send an “invite” if you will to the sexting party. They’re sexy, chic and even fun…which is perfect, because let’s not take ourselves too seriously here. We’re sexting! The person on the other end will either be delighted, smile, or both when they receive it, and that’s ideal for breaking the ice. 

2. Go slow

With sexts, as in sex itself, a general rule of thumb is: go five times slower than you probably want. 

You’re building sexual tension, which is a key component of the whole experience. The “point” of sexting isn’t to be efficient: it’s to imagine a world together, and create a collaborative vibe. So bring up a hot memory that you shared with them. “Remember when we…?” is always promising. Recount it together, unpacking your favorite details. 

3. Get a privacy screen 

If you’re sexting in public – say, at work – and worried about someone looking over your shoulder, it’s not a bad idea to get a privacy screen. Not only are they affordable (and will protect your phone from cracks), but you’ll feel that much more uninhibited when the pics do start flowing. Speaking of which…

4. Know your nudes

Many people think “nudes” are synonymous with “in the moment,” and I’m here to tell you that they’re absolutely not. Your perfect lighting, your rules, people. 

Take some selfies when you’re feeling sexy, and keep them in your phone’s Hidden / Private folders for the appropriate occasion. What to send? You’ve got options: 

• Teasers (lifting the shirt up to show torso, cleavage, hands in suggestive places, etc.)
• Spotlights (booty, breasts, ye olde dick pic, etc.) 
• Full-frontal (or, full back!)

…and about a hundred different combinations thereof. But just like the taking-it-slow advice, what I recommend is starting off “softer,” then gradually showing more skin as the conversation progresses. You can also gamify this exchange by making them “earn” more pics, by asking them to tell you what they’d do to you.

5. Remember that this is two-way pretend

As such, it’s your job to be curious and ask leading questions, to play a role, and to go with the flow. Nothing kills the sext vibe like: “but anyway to get back to what **I** was saying about YOUR PENIS…”

So think of a few hot, leading questions in advance, to slot inside the convo and get their juices flowing. Questions like, “where do you want to touch me right now?” You may even experiment with words you wouldn’t normally use IRL, because again – you’re playing pretend. A well-placed “cock” can heighten the moment precisely because it’s overtly sexual and a little crude, even if it’s the kind of word you’d never say out loud. That’s ok! You’re having fun, you’re giving each other a little thrill, and most importantly – you’re taking turns.

What are your best sexting tips? I’d love to hear them. Talk to me @sexwithemily on Instagram.