Once upon a time I had a boyfriend who told me I had a loose vagina. I knew the minute he told me that it was bullshit. His opinion was wrong. I had learned enough about the female anatomy to know, logically, that my vagina was totally normal… right?

After all, no previous partner had ever made mention of my pussy being anything but a wonderful and satisfying place to be. I took care of it, I loved it, I even named her Tallulah Belle! Still, despite my better judgment, his uninformed opinion about the narrowness of my vaginal canal affected me profoundly.

This person planted a kernel of insecurity in a spot of my psyche that had previously been perfect and unsullied. Up until this point, my sexual selfhood had always been intact and thriving. I thought it to be one of my best attributes. But blinded by love, and thirsting for approval, my self-perception was quickly reduced to a sloppy shriveled shell of a loose vagina.

I know I’m not the first woman to feel this way. For the past few hundred years, the post-Rubenesque media (and society at large) has had a persistent obsession with women being young, virginal, and small in every sense of the word. For many, feminine beauty, and therefore value has somehow become directly proportional to the size of our breasts, waists, butts, lips, thighs, hips, and of course, our nether regions.

If you ask me, it’s all just a bunch of baloney.

Myths about loose vaginas are nothing new, and have been longstanding catalysts for insecurity and lowered self-esteem in people with vaginas all around the world. These myths come from misconceptions about the effects of losing your virginity, your number of sexual partners, your frequency of sexual intercourse, and yes, even childbirth. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to support that frequent sex results in a roomy or loose vagina. None of these things permanently affect the size and shape of your vagina, and they certainly do not make you “looser” down there.

As evidenced by evolution, our bodies have adapted to facilitate reproduction and the survival of our species. So, when we are sexually aroused, our vaginas expand to make room for the penis and increase chances of impregnation. It does NOT, however, remain in its expanded form. The vagina is made up of folds upon folds of elastic muscle tissue. Much like the elastic on your sweatpants, your socks or the rubber band holding your hair up, the vagina stretches temporarily during sex (or childbirth), and then snaps back to its original state.

Of course, no rule exists without exception.

There are a couple factors that can lead to your vagina gradually losing its original resiliency, or what some people might call a “loose vagina.” The first of these is age. Over time, your vaginal muscles can fatigue and atrophy, thereby resulting in difficulty contracting and returning to their former state. The second is multiple, or later in life, childbirths. Although your vagina can bounce back after stretching to the size of a human baby, if you stretch it to its absolute limit over and over, it’s bound to lose some strength.

But fear not, there are things you can do to stay tighter longer—not for the benefit of your idiot boyfriend, but for your own health, happiness and pleasure.

Your pelvic floor or pubococcygeus muscles are the groups of muscles that surround your vaginal canal. Strengthening them not only makes your vagina feel tighter, but it also leads to stronger and more intense orgasms. Sounds like a win, win to me! To work out your pelvic floor, it’s a good idea to regularly do Kegel exercises. If you need a little help, there are products that can exercise your pelvic muscle for you, like Kegel balls or the Yarlap. I personally have made a priority of doing my Kegels with all these amazing tools. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t need to be any tighter. Tallulah Belle was always exactly the size and shape she needed to be. But driven by insecurity and uncertainty, I wanted to take action for myself and my own peace of mind. I dropped that guy and all his body-criticizing antics, and now, I come harder, longer, and more often. Plus, my new, much better boyfriend has no complaints. 

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Laurie Magers is a comedy writer and actor living in Los Angeles. Her favorite color is red and her favorite food is crab legs. Check out more from her at www.lauriemagers.com.