What I’ve Learned About My Sexuality In The Past 15 Years

sex with Emily host sitting on a bed wearing jeans and a casual shirt facing the camera with long brown hair down

The year 2020 marks 15 years since I created the Sex With Emily podcast. I created it because I wanted people to feel safe hearing about, talking about, and learning about sex. In my time working in the sexual wellness industry, the entire world has grown so much in inclusion, acceptance, and openness about sexuality. I’d like to think I played a small part in that.

But as my company has grown, so have I. I’ve learned so much about myself since starting Sex With Emily. So in celebration of my crystal anniversary, I’d like to share with you all what I have learned about my own sexuality.

You’re never done learning.

I know that I’m not alone when I say that the sex education I had before starting Sex With Emily was lacking. A lot of us didn’t receive a comprehensive understanding of what sex and sexuality can be. Even now, as a doctor of human sexuality, I learn from my listeners, from my partners, from my colleagues, every day. And every relationship and sexual experience I have teaches me something new.

Our bodies have an endless capacity for pleasure. I have discovered so much about my fantasies, what pleases me, what I’m attracted to and even how to create and nurture that attraction. There is always room for personal growth, and when it comes to sex and relationships, you never stop learning.

Communication truly is a lubrication.

I’ve always known that communication is important. But I have become so grounded in its importance and, more than ever, I truly practice what I preach. Using communication tools effectively, I found that I can turn any sexual experience into one that is mutually beneficial for all parties involved with proper communication (and of course, consent).

I’ve honed the ability to communicate my own desires while also listening to the desires of my partner. When it comes to ensuring that everyone is having a fun and sexy time, communication is always the best lubrication.

It’s okay if you’re not always in the mood for sex.

Being in the sexual wellness industry, and doing what I do, people sometimes expect you to always want sex. I used to expect it of myself, too! But over the past 15 years, I’ve learned to be patient with myself. It’s okay not to want it. Dips in sexual activity and desire are a valid part of sexuality. Sex is about pleasing myself, not just about pleasing a partner. This is something I want all of my listeners to remember. If you’re not in the mood, it’s okay! If you want to work on your libido, there are ways to do that, but your happiness is of prime importance and you should never engage in sex when you don’t want to.

Mindfulness is key.

This is a big one. Being present and mindful in my body took practice, learning, and intention. Meditation, breathing, mindful masturbation – they’ve all helped me reach a new level of understanding and pleasure. Being able to sit quietly and take inventory of body and my mind and the way every sensation feels is the best kind of pleasurable. Our minds are so powerful. If we can harness that power and put it in our bodies, trust me, the pleasure you can achieve is out of this world!

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Now that I’ve told you a little bit about me and what I have learned since starting Sex With Emily, I’d love to hear about you! If you have any questions or feel like sharing anything with me, shoot me a message to feedback@sexwithemily.com.