When I talk about anal play to people with penises, they are (for the most part) enthusiastic. But for people with a vulva, it’s a different story.

If you were born with a penis, you’ve also got a prostate, and when pleasured with a toy…amazing orgasms occur. No matter your sexuality, prostate stimulation feels incredible – end of story. Tips on that below. 

But for all my vulva owners, you might understandably have questions. Why stimulate my anus, when I already get pleasure just fine from my clitoris and vagina? 

Here’s why. 

Anal Orgasms: Anyone Can Have One

As the great equalizer of sex, anal play is becoming more popular across all genders, all sexualities. But what you may not realize is that all orgasms are essentially the same physiological occurrence: rhythmic contractions of your pelvic floor.

So, how do anal orgasms differ from, say, a G-spot orgasm or a penile orgasms? The nerve pathway you take to get there. 

This is the big reason to try anal play: you might be missing out on a huge pleasure opportunity. It all has to do with your nerve pathway to orgasm, and a new route for you to try. 

LELO has a new anal bead toy called the SORAYA Beads*, and in my opinion, it’s the most user-friendly way to try this “route.” Let’s talk about your body, and why this particular nerve pathway feels so good. 

If You’ve Got a Vulva…

The easiest nerve pathway for you to reach orgasm is your external clitoris, the little nub you can see. But your vagina and anus are both very nerve-dense. So when you do anal play, the nerve pathway you take to orgasm feels more internal, more complex, and more interesting. 

Some say that anal orgasms feel hardier and more intense, probably because the nerves themselves reach deeper pleasure points inside your body. There are shared nerves from the wall of your rectum that connect to your vagina, after all, so when you stimulate your anus, you feel it in your vagina too. 

On top of that, your clitoral legs extend all the way back into your anus. When you do anal play properly, it’s simply another way to stimulate your vagina and your clitoral network – but the resulting orgasm is all the more satisfying, because it feels so deep. 

If You’ve Got a Penis…

The easiest nerve pathway for you to reach orgasm is your penis. But the prostate, a small gland that helps produce semen, can also be stimulated for orgasm, largely because it’s so sensitive.

Like someone with a vulva, your entire anus is very nerve-dense. So when you’re being penetrated, all the nerve endings in your sphincter and rectal walls light up. But the real treat is your prostate, located about two inches inside your rectum.

Among the many reasons people love prostate orgasm, consider this. Whereas a penile orgasm typically results in 4-8 pelvic contractions, prostatic massage can give you about 12. You don’t have to be erect to have one, and check this out: prostate orgasms have a shorter refractory time than penile orgasms, meaning you recover faster. That means multiple orgasms! 

How to Bring Your A-Game

I’ll be honest: I don’t think partner play is the best way to try having an anal orgasm, if you’re brand new to the anal game. You need time, lube, and a beginner-friendly toy that isn’t too intimidating. 

The SORAYA Beads from LELO have been going around the Internet…largely because it’s a super pretty toy. But there’s also some technology here that makes it particularly effective at unlocking anal orgasms:

• Each bead of the SORAYA vibrates, which relaxes your sphincter muscles. 
• You can insert the beads up to your comfort level, and still get a ton of sensation. Yes…even if you only insert the smallest one. 
• The toy was designed to reach the prostate in those with a penis, and to stimulate the “A-spot” (anterior fornix) in those with a vulva. It’s a super sensitive, deep erogenous zone with shared clitoral network nerves, similar to your G-spot. 

I’ve come across a lot of anal beads before, but what makes this toy so innovative is that it’s made for beginners. Its firm body and curvature also take the guesswork out of finding the hot spots that trigger orgasm, when you’re stimulating your anus.  

Pro Tips

Whether you’re experimenting with an anal toy or a penis, keep these tips in mind to facilitate orgasm and maximize pleasure.

• Use oh-so-much lube. The anus does not self-lubricate, so prevent tears in your rectum and apply lube to yourself and the toy/penis. 
• Have a bowel movement before playtime. Thirty minutes to an hour is a safe bet. You don’t want to be distracted when going in through the out door. 
• Feel free to stimulate your genitals first, to increase blood flow. If you’ve got a vulva, you have my permission to have a clitoral orgasm before you play with an anal toy, to increase engorgement and thus, pleasure. 
• Try it in a variety of settings. Laying in bed is great, but provided your toy is waterproof, so is the shower and the bath. The water’s warm and soothing, which will help you relax into the sensation.
• Don’t go too fast. Your sphincter muscles need time to acclimate. So take it slow! One bead at a time, one anal play sesh at a time. 

Remember: it’s all about the nerve pathway you take to orgasm. If you’re craving deeper sensation, anal could be a great option for you. Lots of people say that clitoral and penile orgasms feel more genital-specific, while anal orgasms feel more full-bodied and immersive. If that sounds good to you, don’t fear anal. In time, it could become exactly the orgasmic experience you’re looking for.

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*Use code “SEXWITHEMILY” for 25% off at LELO.