Whether you’re looking to amp up your oral game, discover new positions, or simply lose yourself in a good read, you might consider increasing your library of sex books. We’re not talking about erotica (though that’s fun too), but rather books that challenge and awaken new areas of your sexual self.
Yes, practical experience is one of our favorite ways to learn about sex, but there are myriad benefits to exploring some outside sources. By reading sex books, you’re exposing yourself to new techniques, attitudes, and perspectives from professional sex educators, therapists, and sexologists. Combine that with some hands-on learning, and you’ll soon go from sex student to master.
Ready to get started? Well, slip into your cozy clothes and pour yourself a cup of tea (or glass of wine), because we’ve collected twelve of the most foundational sex books to enhance your erotic library. Peruse the list below and find the perfect fit for your nightstand—right beside the lingerie.
Three Women
By Lisa Taddeo
Want something you can’t put down at the end of every night? Try Lisa Taddeo’s Three Women. This nonfiction read introduces us to three women and their personal (and real-life) experiences with passion and desire. The book stems from almost a decade of “groundwork”; Taddeo spent eight years researching and writing her book to dive deep into the sex lives of Maggie, Lina, and Sloane. It’s also currently being developed into a television show starring Shailene Woodley, which puts this book at the top of our radar.
Shameless
By Pamela Madsen
This memoir isn’t your typical sexual awakening story. In this book, Madsen explores how her marriage and love life felt like it was lacking the passion she needed and how she sought it out in different ways, all while keeping and deepening the love in her marriage. Madsen also details how she mended her relationship with her body and achieved sexual, personal, and spiritual wholeness. Written with vulnerability, heat, and honesty, Shameless is perfect for those looking to reclaim their bodies and step into their most powerful, sexual selves.
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “Retreating to the Bedroom w/ Pamela Madsen”
The Love Game: 36 Questions for Falling in Love
By Anthony David Adams
Got an hour? According to studies on rapid love and research by Dr. Arthur Aron, discussing these 36 questions will deepen the love in your relationship. The questions go deep into who you and your partner are and prompt you to be open and vulnerable with your answers. Designed for couples’ reading, The Love Game is practically guaranteed to bring you and your partner closer together.
Coming Together
By Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman
In this enlightening discussion of desire and intimacy, sex and relationship coaches Danielle Harel, Ph.D. and Celeste Hirschman, M.A help break down some of the most common sexual issues, as well as what we can do to solve them. Addictive and filled with real-life examples, Coming Together helps you identify your unique needs and enhance the intimacy between you and your partner. You’ll finish the book with both the inspiration and the motivation necessary to take your sex life to the next level.
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “Coming Together w/ Celeste & Danielle”
The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris
By Dr. Sadie Allison
If you’re dating a vulva-owner (or you have one and simply want to learn more), then grab this book and get ready to take notes. This fun guide will teach you everything about the clitoris, from where to find it to how to touch it. It also explains the different types of orgasms, shares ideas for sex positions, and even offers 23 clitoris illustrations to help you develop a better lay of the land. Whether you’re in a relationship or single as a pringle, it’s a great read to fine-tune your touch and get clit-erate.
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “How to Be a Penis Genius w/ Sadie Allison”
Why We Love Love
By Helen Fisher
Have you ever wondered about the scientific reasons behind love and desire? Like, why are we attracted to one person versus another? Is it something we have control over? Well, get ready, because anthropologist Helen Fisher has answers. Using research into the psychology of love and how it affects the brain, Fisher centers on how romantic love is an innate part of our human nature. (And how we can work with our own internal biology to find and keep love.)
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “Sex Drive, Love, and Attachment / Helen Fisher”
Living An Orgasmic Life
By Xanet Pailet
Dealing with sexual roadblocks? Whether it’s emotional or physical hurdles preventing you from having good sex, overcoming these obstacles is 100% possible—especially when you have Xanet Pailet’s book. With several years of experience as an intimacy coach, Pailet provides insightful and practical steps to help you remove any sexual “blocks” to re-connect with your sexuality. The book also comes with hands-on exercises to help you feel more comfortable talking about sex, working through any past abuse or trauma, bringing better sex into your marriage, and even boosting your libido.
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “Your Orgasmic Potential w/ Xanet Pailet”
Come As You Are
By Emily Nagoski
We all know about Viagara—but why is it that vulva owners don’t have a magic pill to boost their libido? This book has the answer. Using a combination of scholarly research and cutting-edge studies, Dr. Emily Nagoski breaks down some of the complex nuances of female sexuality, including a discussion of why it hasn’t been at the forefront of our health and wellness conversations. The biggest lesson in Dr. Nagoski’s book is that every woman has her own “sexual fingerprint,” and that women typically vary more in terms of anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to a sexual world. Read on to learn yours!
She Comes First
By Ian Kerner
She Comes First is a must-read for any person looking to amp up their cunnilingus game. Approachable and humorous yet wildly informative, this essential guidebook helps readers learn the ins and outs of performing oral on a vulva owner. Unlike other oral books, Kerner develops a new philosophy regarding female pleasure and focuses on using a more “holistic” approach to deliver maximum pleasure.
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “Text Me About the Last Time You Had Sex w/ Ian Kerner.”
Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art
By James Nestor
Most of us view the breath as a subconscious or a thoughtless act—but it’s really the foundation to living a healthier life and having better sex. In this breath-focused breakdown, journalist James Nestor traipses across the globe to find out why the practice of breath is seemingly lost, as well as what age-old principles should be integrated to improve the quality of our lives. After all, when we experience anxiety during sex, one of the first things we can do is return to the present moment (and that starts with breathing!).
Hot Sex
By Emily Morse and Jamye Waxman
Written by our very own Emily Morse and Jamye Waxman, this is a comprehensive guide on all things sex. Using their expertise and gorgeous (and sexy) illustrations, Morse and Waxman share a plethora of positions and step-by-step instructions to have the best sex of your life. The best part? You don’t need much to get started, so you can start having “Hot Sex” whenever you’re ready.
Want more? Check out our podcast episode, “Sex Reflection & Resurrection with Jamye Waxman”
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María Lysandra Hernández is a writer and book lover from Guaynabo, Puerto Rico. She received her BA degree in Writing, Literature and Publishing with a minor in Global and Post-Colonial Studies at Emerson College. She now lives in Los Angeles, and her work has been published in Anomaly, Raíz Magazine and Are We Okay? A Memoir. Follow her on Instagram for more.
Amanda Kohr is the Content Manager at Sex With Emily. She also writes for VICE, Refinery29, Betches, and Hello Giggles. You can visit her via her website and Instagram.
