Menopause is official when it’s been 12 months since your last period. The average age is 52, but there’s a range: 45 to 58 years old. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t suddenly wake up one day engulfed by hot flashes – there’s a gradual build of symptoms in your late 40s, called perimenopause. 

But because there hasn’t been a ton of serious discourse around menopause until recently, people aren’t always aware they’ve got classic symptoms. Things like low libido, aching joints and a bad memory are written off as “getting older” when in actuality there is a specific process happening: your hormone levels are changing. 

The key hormone that falls during this time is estrogen, and it’s critically involved in sexual health, collagen production, sleep, bone density, brain function, genital tissue moisture and elasticity, heart health and blood vessel protection. So when you go through perimenopause and menopause, you might have symptoms like:

• Lower sex drive
• Brain fog
• Night sweats and hot flashes 
• Disrupted sleep and insomnia
• Vulvovaginal dryness and itching
• Painful sex
• Moodiness 
• Anxiety or depression
• Bone brittleness
• More frequent UTI’s
• Incontinence

Yet, women often aren’t sure if their symptoms are legitimate enough to warrant talking to their doctor. Check out this list though: no one wants to grit their teeth through it. So a new menopause wellness industry has stepped in. 

Today’s menopause solutions cater to problems in a targeted way, filling in the gaps that estrogen used to provide. Speaking of which, many women opt for hormone therapy during perimenopause and menopause. If that’s you, know that the solutions I discuss here can be used independently or alongside HRT. Nothing is contraindicated, all are tested and vetted for safety. 

Below, four of the most common problems I hear from women going through menopause, and my top recommendations for solving them. 

Problem: Painful sex

Solution: Sex wedge pillow

Rec: The Prim by Tabu

Hormonal changes during menopause cause the vagina to become shorter, narrower and less elastic – making sex feel more painful. You can solve this pain in a variety of ways, but one of the fastest is a high-quality sex wedge like The Prim.

The Prim changes the angle of intercourse, so that penetration feels deeper and easier. It also relieves pressure on the hip and knee joints: menopause increases joint inflammation, so your body will thank you for softening things. The Prim’s inner core is made out of high density foam (much firmer than a standard bed pillow) but the outside looks like a normal, linen throw pillow. You can leave this out on your bed without it screaming “sex-cessory.” 

*Get 10% off The Prim at heytabu.com

Problem: Hot flashes and night sweats

Solution: Supplement with black cohosh and saffron

Rec: Solaray her life Stages: Menopause

Because menopause often gets reduced to a comic trope, the hot flash stereotype we have in our mind is a woman frantically fanning herself while she waits for it to pass. But it’s more than getting sweaty and irritated: hot flashes are actually connected to cardiovascular health and cognitive changes. They’re a serious symptom and deserve serious treatment, so I’m glad there’s more research coming out about the efficacy of black cohosh and saffron on hot flashes. I’m also glad there’s a supplement that contains both.

Solaray has a new doctor-formulated supplement line called her life Stages which includes a Menopause formula with both ingredients (and no hormones or soy!). A recent meta-analysis of over 20 studies found that black cohosh is associated with significant improvement for hot flashes. Meanwhile, saffron is emerging as a safe and effective treatment for hot flashes along with stress reduction and managing anxiety.

*Use code “SEXWITHEMILY” for 15% off at Solaray

Problem: Vulvovaginal dryness + itchiness

Solution: Growth factor serum

Rec: V-Health Serum for Vaginal Regeneration

Decreased estrogen also leads to a thinning of your vaginal walls, making your genitals feel dry, itchy, and easily irritated. You’re losing your body’s growth factors that help regenerate the vaginal lining, but the good news is, you can replace them.

V-Health is a vaginal serum that you wear at night, like a face gel. It contains growth factors that are absorbed into the skin, resulting in more vaginal hydration, elasticity, and plumpness. Over time, it’s also been shown to reduce users’ risks of vaginal infections and vastly improve sexual pleasure and satisfaction. That’s because the skin is thicker and more pliable after consistent, regular application. 

*Use code “EMILY20” for 20% off at getvhealth.com

Problem: Saggy, crepey skin on face, neck and décolleté 

Solution: Hyaluronic acid, niacinamide, bakuchiol

Rec: Womaness skincare products

Because estrogen is so intimately involved with collagen production, our complexion changes during menopause. Less collagen means less springy skin, so fine lines and sagginess can set in on the face, neck, and the delicate area above your chest.

But these ⬆️ ingredients help skin retain a plump moisture barrier, increase skin cell turnover, and add brightness. They’re in several products by Womaness, including my faves–

• The Works: an all-over toning body cream
• Overnight Magic: a nighttime repair cream
• Let’s Neck: a neck and decollete serum

Womaness makes skin products with long-term benefits, but just as important – immediate satisfaction. These products all have “tightening” ingredients that instantly give skin a firmer appearance, so you don’t have to wait weeks and weeks for improvement. (Although that will happen too.)

Honorable Mentions

The Good Patch

$12

Turn down the heat with a cute, wearable “cooling patch” infused with hemp and black cohosh.  

Hot Flash Tea by Tea Botanics

$30

Hot tea for hot flashes? Yes: sip this in the morning for a dose of ingredients (black cohosh, echinacea, wild yam) that ward off hot flashes throughout the day. If you can’t take the heat, pour over ice. 

Collagen Gummies

$30

Boost hair thickness and facial glow by supercharging your body’s collagen production. As estrogen levels decrease, so does collagen output – these gummies to the rescue. 

Embr Wave Cooling Bracelet

$299

Wave goodbye to night sweats: wear this sleek bracelet on your wrist and press the button to activate cooling sensations that help regulate your body temperature, offering instant relief whenever you feel overheated.

Evercool Cooling Pillowcases

$79

Stay cool all night long: these pillowcases wick away heat and sweat, helping regulate your temperature so you can finally stop flipping your pillow for the cool side.

CBD Gummy Bundle – Focus, Sleep & Relief by VIIA

$105

Find your perfect balance with this THC-free CBD gummy bundle: boost focus with Flowstate, sleep soundly with Zen Sleep, and unwind with Revive—each crafted with natural ingredients for non-psychoactive relief.

*Use code “EMILY” for 15% off your order at VIIA

Refreshing Panty Spray by The Honey Pot

$10

Throw this in your purse whenever you need a refresh: jasmine and aloe vera keeps your underthings lovely. 

You don’t have to suffer through menopause. Just like you need certain products for other life chapters that affect your hormones, chapters like menstruation and pregnancy, you need products for perimenopause and menopause. I hope this list is helpful!

What are you using during perimenopause and menopause? Have you found any miracle products? Come find me on Instagram and let’s talk: @sexwithemily.