I’m too up in my head during sex. Sound familiar?
As a Somatic Sexologist, this is the number one complaint I hear from clients. “Somatic” literally means “relating to the body,” and for a culture that so heavily relies on cognition for decision-making, divorcing ourselves from our bodily wisdom – this complaint never surprises me.
You may have heard that the brain is the number one sex organ. But there’s a price we pay when we get addicted to our thoughts: we block our body from our full pleasure potential. What would happen if we actually quieted our mind, to give the body more room to speak?
We are a society that overrides gut instincts and feelings with over analysis, quick fixes, numbing out, and overdoing. Why take the scenic route when the expressway gets us there faster?
But when it comes to sex, faster is not better. Yet, it’s often the route we take when we just want to get it over with and check the box, when we’re shut down, when we’re inexperienced, or when we’re not feeling much. I call this “fast food sex,” and while it’s not inherently wrong, there comes a point when we crave sex that’s actually nourishing. How do we experience it?
One word: embodiment.
Think of embodiment as a decadent, mouthwatering feast that enlivens every cell in your body. It’s the new sexy, and I’m here to tell you all its transformative benefits. Here are five I think you might enjoy.
1. Embodiment Helps You Feel More
Embodiment is a practice that combines five elements:
- Breath
- Touch
- Sound
- Movement
- Placement of awareness
And while these ingredients seem simple, it’s the implementation into your daily life that turns them from a practice into a way of being.
This shift alone can turn the ordinary into the gourmet, in any arena of your life. That’s because embodiment gives you full access to your physical sensations and emotions as you tune into your full capacity to feel. That’s helpful everywhere, but especially in sex and intimacy, because you develop a deeper understanding of what’s going on in your physical being, so you can feel more and express your authentic needs, desires and boundaries to others.
Not only is this empowering as fuck, but it’s super provocative to claim uninhibited embodied expression as a superpower. Why? Because you know exactly what you want, how to access it, and how to expand your pleasure infinitely.
2. Embodiment Helps You Have More Authentic Sex
No one wants to have sex with a dead fish. In other words, someone just laying there, someone who’s unresponsive except for the robotic thrusts or the performative ohhs and ahhs. And yet, so many people have sex this way, numbing out, not feeling anything, not connecting with their partner or their own body. Cue fake orgasms, built-up resent, and reduced sexual interest over time.
Embodiment, however, is not performative. It’s a sincere, deep connection with your sensations, your rhythm. Letting your body guide what feels good creates trust to express itself even more. This isn’t only very satisfying for you, but is also a huge turn-on for your partner.
3. Embodiment Is Perfected When You Masturbate
The place to practice embodiment skills, and organically weave them into the fabric of your being, is solo sex.
It’s here that you can express full-body orgasmicity, learn to regulate and listen to your nervous system by releasing any restrictions that inhibit pleasure, and allow space for greater growth, choice and sexual play.
But therein lies the rub: people are so attached to partnered interactions with an expectation that someone else is going to “give” them an orgasm, that they undervalue their own personal exploration. And yet, it’s precisely this exploration that builds the foundational skills to feel more during sex.
Embodied self-touch is a practice expanding pleasure beyond the gentitals to create full body orgasmicity, slowly building to a full-spectrum climax that feels explosive and nurturing. My Sexy Embodiment video series bundles 4 classes (Body Anchor Meditation, Vulva Hug Meditation, Embodiment 101, & Vulva Hug 2.0: A Sexual Awakening) to give you the foundational tools you need to bust any shame associated with self-touch as you learn to fuel up your own arousal authentically.
While masturbation is your practice space, I know that for some, this work feels too goal-oriented. Why not take the pressure off yourself, and follow the steps of my various meditations and embodiment techniques that build a gorgeous, nurturing embodiment practice that focuses on the journey? When climax does show up, it will be well worth it.
One client who followed these steps said, “I finally felt my full eroticism after much practice. When it all came together, I was in awe. I loved her. I loved being with her. People started commenting that I looked different. Seemed more confident. And I hadn’t changed one thing except for doing my embodiment homework. I felt so sensual, so sexy.”
Yes! She got it! She got turned on by herself, with herself! And, it was dripping over to her day-to-day life.
4. Embodiment Eases Our Dopamine Addiction
In this age of quick access to everything, we’re in a dopamine-driven frenzy. We expect everything (including orgasms) to be as easy as flipping on a light switch. Now, dopamine is incredibly powerful, even beneficial, but it’s also incredibly addicting. And if you don’t release other “happy hormones” alongside it, like oxytocin, nitric oxide and serotonin, you limit your pleasure capacity, because the dopamine by itself is only interested in getting a quick hit – not helping you linger in the delicious after-effects of your pleasure.
This, then, is the problem with the “Quickie,” sexually speaking. Quantity, in this case, is not quality.
As a society plagued by a collective pleasure deficit — one that’s masked by dopamine addiction – we need something to remedy this sad state of affairs. That’s why embodiment is the tonic.
Sipping in your pleasure bit by bit, with a cup of nice tea or through the rich flavors of melting chocolate that you can taste all the way down your spine, simply by letting it slowly melt as you absorb its flavor and texture with your ejaculating salivary glands instead of quickly chewing it…this is how embodiment teaches you to live more slowly. More aware. More fully alive.
Embodiment activates all happy hormones when an orgasmic climax is triggered, lingering for hours and even days. This pleasure cocktail makes us feel tipsy on life itself. The result? We’re less needy and feel more fulfilled, nourished, and even more sexy!
5. Embodiment Is An Enduring Skill Set
Like the foundations of Karate Kid’s wax-on,wax-off ritual, once you practice embodiment skills regularly, they become part of your essence, part of your toolbox and a foundation that won’t waver.
But I won’t lie: learning to be in pleasure is a process.
The secret? Your body wants your undivided attention. It wants to tell you what it loves, what it likes, and what it wants less of. To understand and listen to your body, you must speak its language. This language is called embodiment, and with your breath, touch, movement, sound and placement of awareness, it’s yearning for you to map every inch of it, looking for pleasure treasures or pain points that need your tender loving care. Your body wants to be comforted, nurtured and reassured that it is enough. It wants to release blocks and fascial memories that no longer serve it.
My Touch.Feel.Connect course is your user’s manual to Vulva and Vaginal Mapping that uplevels your foundational embodiment skills.
Whether you choose a deep dive course like Touch.Feel.Connect or the entry level Sexy Embodiment, your body will feel the shift of your intention.
When your body knows that you’re showing up for it without expectation or judgment, pain neutralizes. Pleasure intensifies. And you begin to live a more orgasmic life.
Once you get intentional about building an intimate, embodied relationship with yourself, the benefits are countless. These are just five, but I hope it inspires you to start getting to know your body in a deep way – possibly for the first time.
For a limited time, use code SEXWITHEMILY to receive 10% off my online courses.
Dolly Josette, is a Somatic Sex Educator, Sexological Bodyworker and founder of PleasureMuse.com. Dolly coaches women and couples on intimacy enhancement, sexual satisfaction, healing shame, and expanding pleasure potential. She holds a Masters degree in Education, a Bachelor’s degree in Broadcast Journalism, and Certifications from the Institute of Somatic Sexology, among countless others. She’s appeared on numerous podcasts, including Sex with Emily, and has been featured in Cosmopolitan and Hustler Magazine, which called Dolly “a leading practitioner in hands-on sexual therapy.”
