Craving a little spice on holiday morning? I got you, babe.
By now you’ve peeped my holiday gift guide, for pleasure ideas that fit under the tree. (And if you haven’t yet, what are you waiting for?) But to stuff their stocking properly, I’m bringing you some cute, teensy gifties too.
These hand-held items will go quite nicely with your other stocking stuffers (chocolate, candy canes, silk underwear), and will go even better under the covers. So check these out – and see which ones have them saying, “it really is the most wonderful time of the year.”
For Sexy Visuals
A stocking stuffer that’s cheap – but super hot? Sign me up. Find a friend with a Polaroid, search “sexy Polaroids” on Pinterest for inspo, and set up a naughty photo shoot. It’s an analogue keepsake, it’s vintage realness, it’s for their eyes only: what’s not to love?
For Penis Pleasure
Sex tech isn’t always directed at penis owners – but this stocking-sized innovation most definitely is. As a smart penis ring, this one is functional in the moment (as in, penis owners can put it on during sex to stay hard), but also provides users a deeper understanding of their body. The result? Better erectile fitness, insights into vascular health, and more control over lifestyle habits that affect their erections.
For Special Rewards
Sex act coupon
What’s the one sex act you know they absolutely love? Long-lasting oral? Penis or vulva worship? Enthusiastic 69? Get crafty and create a sex act coupon that they can redeem anytime…anywhere.
For Vulva Vibes
Who doesn’t love opening their stocking, to find a shiny new sex toy? Vush makes abundant options for vulva owners (psst: enter SEXWITHEMILY at checkout for 40% off), and they’re so beloved, one of them – the Majesty 2 – makes a cameo in a Cardi B music video. But really, any option from Vush’s Next Gen collection will have the vulva owner in your life singing the hallelujah chorus.
For Music Lovers
Sexy times playlist via QR code
Design your own sexual soundtrack, for their auditory enjoyment. When you’re done, simply copy the link, paste it into a QR code generator tool (like this one), and print it out. One scan with their smartphone will reveal the tracks you wanna get down to…later.
For An Inside Job
Juno G-spot Vibrator by JeJoue
For vulva owners who want to squirt – or simply experience the magic of a G-spot orgasm – this is a best-in-class tool that’ll help them get there. And? It’s incredibly pretty: so sophisticated-looking they could leave it out on their bedside table, without panicking it’ll end up in the background of a Zoom call.
For Old School Romance
Love letters tied w/ string
Get nostalgic, and write about your favorite memories together. (Sex memories welcome, of course). Write it on card stock, tie it with twine, and boom: a super thoughtful gift that costs next to nothing.
For Those Who Want It All
Hera Rabbit Vibrator by JeJoue
Sexually speaking, blended orgasms happen when two explosions go off at once: for vulva owners, that’s often a clitoral orgasm, plus a G-spot orgasm. If that sounds complicated (but highly desirable), this toy is an absolute must for them: it simplifies the process, with high-penetration rumbles that stimulate nerve endings they didn’t even know they had.
For the Lube Lover
You know my dream: to have a bottle of lube on every nightstand. Seeing as how lube increases everyone’s potential for orgasm, I think this one’s a no-brainer. Playground makes some of the most quality lubes out there, spiked with adaptogens and good-for-you ingredients, like vitamin E and ashwagandha. Pro tip: use HOLIDAY at checkout to get a third bottle free ($24 value) when you purchase two full-sized bottles.
For An Oral Upgrade
Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss by Bijoux Indiscrets
Oral sex is a treat for everyone, but you know what elevates the experience? Swiping a stimulating lip gloss, kissing, then going down on each other. That’s exactly what this lip gloss is designed for, and at just $15, it’s a fun sex accessory that won’t break the bank.
For the Kinkster
Bondage Tape by Good Vibrations
This one slips right into a stocking, right over their wrists, and right into your BDSM bedroom play. Skip the DIY bed restraints (please – no duct tape), and use what the pros use. This tape is firm, but has easy removal, so you can power play to your heart’s content (while not ripping off their skin in the process).
Enjoy making their stocking nice and naughty this year. What ideas do you have? Talk to me over on Instagram, @sexwithemily.