To say that masturbation feels great is a little like saying the sun is bright. Sure is! 

But whenever someone shrugs off masturbation like it’s another item on their to-do list, I want to tell them: you could be getting so much more out of it.

Typically, I find masturbators fall into one of two camps: the hit-it-and-quit-it types who masturbate regularly but do it fast, and the when-I-get-around-to-it types, who don’t masturbate regularly and do it only when the mood strikes.

Neither camp is better than the other, but I’m here to tell you there’s a better way. For deeper, more impactful orgasms, it’s all about optimizing arousal and blood flow. So here’s my 8-step process to having a truly wow orgasm (or two, or three…) next time you masturbate. 

1. Make your space a vibe 

Calm mind = calm body. To peak your arousal, you first want to start in a relaxed state. That begins with your environment. So take some time to make your space neat and eliminate distractions:

• turn down harsh lighting
• tidy clutter 
• light candles (pro tip: for a kink vibe, light a bodysafe candle: you can drip the warm wax of this one right on your body)
• put on relaxing / sexy music
• set your phone on mute / do not disturb

You can engage your other senses too: a bite of chocolate, a glass of wine. The goal here is to slow your mind down, so you can drop into your body. 

2. Touch yourself everywhere (except your genitals) 

Lay down, and start to awaken your arousal by teasing yourself. This could look like…

• closing your eyes 
• rubbing your neck
• drawing fingertips or nails lightly down your sides
• caressing your chest
• applying pressure to your thighs

By resisting the urge to go right for your genitals, you’re actually helping more blood circulate their way. 

3. Breathe deeply

When you breathe slowly, you soothe your nervous system and drop into the “rest and digest” state (opposite of fight or flight). Box breathing is an easy way to do it, and gets more oxygenated blood circulating throughout your body:

• inhale for four counts
• hold for four counts
• exhale for four counts
• hold for four counts 

Aim for three to four rounds, and notice your headspace afterwards. 

4. Apply a lube or warming gel

Every time you masturbate, lube is a must. Not only does it heighten your chance of orgasm and make the whole thing feel better, it prevents microtears in the delicate skin on and around your genitals. If you don’t have one already, a great basic is a water-based lube, like this one from Playground. Smells amazing, moisturizes your skin, and provides just the right amount of sexual slip. 

If you’ve got a vulva, a warming gel is a fun option. Just like lube but with heating properties, warming gels can be fantastic for encouraging blood flow to the genitals, engorging them in the process. Look for one that’s pH balanced and relatively fast-acting, so you can enjoy the sensations as you masturbate. I can’t recommend Promescent’s Warming Gel highly enough: it’s a subtle, ultra-pleasurable sensation, similar to the feeling of someone giving you oral sex. 

5. Reach for a toy 

The beauty of sex toys (for any genitals) is that they reach nerve endings deep in your body more effectively than your hand. That means more of your pelvic floor will be involved in the arousal process, for bigger, more powerful orgasms.

If you’ve got a vulva, Je Joue’s Mimi Soft is the gold standard of deep vibrations. This is my “can’t go wrong” toy, whether you like gentle vibes or power vibes. 

If you’ve got a penis, have you tried a stroker yet? Trust me: your hand is great, but strokers take what you’re already doing and give it a serious pleasure boost. This one is designed to feel like oral sex, activating nerve endings you didn’t know you had. 

 6. Edge for a more powerful O

As you build up to an orgasm, fight the urge to finish right away. Instead, try edging: where you work your way up to the cliff’s edge of orgasm, then deliberately bring yourself back down…as many times as you like. The resulting orgasm is super intense, and I’ve got a whole edging guide for you right here.

7. Add a pillow

One more fun trick? A sex pillow. It lifts your hips for varied sensations in your pelvic floor, and the dense foam core gives you more support than a regular pillow. This is the surprise detail that – without fail – makes people go, “whoa, seriously didn’t realize that made such a huge difference in sensation.” 

8. Meditate, masturbate, manifest

Finally, wind down your masturbation by setting some intentions. How would you like to utilize this positive energy? What dreams, hopes and goals can you infuse with all this pleasure potential? 

By now, the health benefits of masturbation and orgasm are well-documented. Better sleep, lowered stress, boosted mood…even improved immunity and skin. So try out these masturbation tricks, knowing you’re being oh-so healthy. 

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