Let’s hop in the wayback machine, shall we?
Picture this: the year is 1994. We have an open-minded, very cool Surgeon General: Jocelyn Elders. And at a United Nations conference, when asked about teens and masturbation, she replied: “I think that is something that is a part of human sexuality and it’s a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”
Jocelyn was asked to resign a few months later.
Decades later, we’re finally shaking off the stigma around masturbation – due in large part to visionaries like Jocelyn, a crew of sex educators, and sex toy retailers past and present. (Iconic sex toy store Good Vibrations even declared “Masturbation May” in 1995, in support of Jocelyn and her advocacy.)
These days, we know that masturbation is not only fun – it’s legitimately good for you. How good? Check this out:
- If you’re a penis owner, masturbation may lower your prostate cancer risk.
- Masturbation tones your pelvic floor muscles, which helps penis-owners with erectile dysfunction, and…
- Vulva owners with incontinence (super common after having a baby).
- Masturbation boosts your immunity.
- It can help you fall asleep faster.
- It can even boost your mood, due to the chemical cocktail of endorphins/oxytocin/serotonin.
As you can see: tons of upside, with very little downside. Still, here’s what YOU – the Sex With Emily community – had to say about your masturbation practice, in a flash poll we took on Instagram this month:
- 38% of you masturbate every day (gold star)
- 49% once or twice a week (healthy balance)
- 11% said once a month (just once?)
- 18% said rarely/never (gasp!)
May I help you out, 11% crowd? And especially you, the 18% “never” crowd?
If you’d like to masturbate more, but need a little encouragement, I got you – keep reading for 6 solo sex hacks that will help you masturbate really, really well.
Mix It Up
If your current masturbation is a little rote (“watch porn, hand down pants, stroke/vibe, orgasm”), here are several ways you can tweak the formula for bigger, better orgasms:
Try a Toy that Moves with Your Body
Vulva owners: do you want to explore yourself with different vibrations that match your movements? The Dame Pom is a soft vibrator that conforms to the palm of your hand (get it? Pom!) and is designed to move with you without losing any intensity.
Try Anal Toys
Penis owners: first of all, have you tried sex toys at all? Because it’s 2022 baby. The sex toy industry is ready for you! And between vibrating cock rings, strokers, sleeves etc., there are a zillion ways to stimulate your penis, with vibes that access deeper, more internal nerve endings – the ones your hand can’t stimulate on its own.
But more to the point, now is a great time to check out prostate massagers: just like the G-Spot in vulva-owners, the prostate is a deep, internal gland for penis-owners that can be accessed through the anus. And if you’ve never had an anal orgasm before…truly, you haven’t lived.
Here’s a free masturbation hack: edging! You work up your stimulation, and right when you get to the point you’re about to orgasm, back off…then build it back up again. The result? More blood engorging your genitals, more intense orgasms.
Try Your Non-Dominant Hand
Even something as simple as using your non-dominant hand can be enough to tickle your neural pathways, and make your masturbation routine more fresh. Give it a shot – and see if it doesn’t make solo sex a little more novel, a little more surprising.
Create a Juicy Fantasy
Sometimes, taking our masturbation from “meh” to “OMG” is as easy as having the right story inside our heads. And thanks to that masturbation poll, the Sex With Emily community provided a ton of ideas.
Take a look at the menu below, and choose 2-3 to experiment with during your next solo sex sesh:
- Being slightly submissive
- Passionate oral sex, full attention
- The last hot experience I had
- Group sex
- Varies, but often shower sex
- My crush who barely knows I exist
- My boyfriend having sex with someone else
- Giving head
- Girl on girl
- Being with an enthusiastic partner
- Getting it from behind while looking in a big mirror
Inspiring, right? But if none of these do it for you, no worries – allow me to direct you to the amazing ethical porn site Bellesa, whose whole mission is emphasizing female pleasure. IMO, that’s hot no matter what genitals you have.
Try Mindful Masturbation
On the flip side of fantasy, we’ve got mindful masturbation: an embodiment practice where the whole goal is tuning into your physical sensations, and exploring your body without chasing an orgasm. To try it…
- Get yourself into a meditative state with a few minutes of deep breathing: big, belly breaths, where you exhale longer than you inhale. What we’re going here is toning the vagus nerve, which effectively turns off your fight or flight response.
- You can also engage your senses with external touches: lighting a candle, experimenting with ice or body-safe candle wax, listening to your favorite sexy music.
- As you touch yourself, resist going right for the genitals, and tease other erogenous zones instead. Ask questions along the way: “how does it feel when I stroke my labia?” “How does it feel when I stimulate my testes?” By taking the scenic route in solo sex, you’re waking up more neural pathways to pleasure.
- As you wrap up the experience, you can try one more thing: #MEDITATEMASTURBATEMANIFEST. Envision your larger goals, and align the peak of your pleasure with those intentions.
I challenge you to try at least one of these masturbation moves this month, whether it’s edging, test-driving a new fantasy, mindful masturbation or anything else you’ve seen on this list. Seize the day (and possibly a sex toy), and enjoy getting to know yourself in a super hot way.