As you start your 2025, want to know all about a fast-growing sex trend? Celibacy.
That’s right: researchers asked New Yorkers about their interest in celibacy (which shot up 433% over the last year), Angelenos (up 350%), and Londoners (up 235%)*. Suffice it to say – it’s a thing.
Why celibacy? Maybe more of us are re-evaluating our relationship to sex. Maybe we’re in a sex rut with our partners, and want to build up lusty tension. Maybe we want sex worth having, and the time off gives us space to think about what that looks and feels like.
We hash out this topic on my membership SmartSX, and it’s super interesting to hear everyone’s feelings and success stories around a sex detox. So by popular demand: here’s the full overview on what it is and what the benefits are.
And! If you want a cool, smart sex community you can ask about a sex detox or any other sex topic (and not be judged) – you know what to do.
What is a sex detox?
A period of time (typically ~30 days) when you abstain from sexual activity.
People make up their own parameters, but here are some behaviors people choose to not engage in during their sex detox.
- Partnered intercourse
- Solo sex/masturbation
- Watching porn
- Listening to audio erotica
- Sexting
Keep in mind these are not required for a successful detox – you can pick and choose to your liking – but they’re common for those who try it.
Sex Detox Benefits
Whether you’re partnered or not, there are lots of benefits to a sex detox. Here are a few to consider.
For people in a relationship –
Break out of a sex rut with your partner
A sex detox isn’t about punishment or avoidance. The point is to refresh the sexual connection between you and your partner.
Even if your sex life is fine, a little time off can restore the preciousness of your sexual connection. You might be deeply in love with your partner and very attracted to them, but it’s still easy to fall into cruise control sex. A detox can make sex feel special again, and get you both out of habitual patterns.
Experiment with other forms of touch
When most touch is charged with sexual expectation, it can make the receiver feel funny. A sex detox can reset touch itself and how it’s received – which could honestly be healing for all parties.
For example. You’re not having sex, but you could give each other loving, soothing massages that are explicitly non-sexual. We all need stress relief, and massage helps release our body’s feel-good chemicals. Why not share pleasure in this way?
With no sexual obligation, you can learn what actually turns you on
This might be gray area for a sex detox, so – you do you.
But when you know you’re not going to have sex for a month, you have an awesome opportunity to study your fantasies. This can give each of you valuable information about your consistent erotic themes, and how you want to feel during the sexual act.
To go deeper on this and start exploring your core erotic desires, go here. It will give you lots of guidance! We recommend writing down your discoveries as you explore your fantasies and turn ons.
For people who are single, dating, or solo poly –
Disrupt negative dating patterns
We all have habits on the dating scene. Flaking out? Ghosting? Having sex before you actually want to?
When you declare an intentional sex detox, you can reflect back on your recent dating experiences with more perspective. If you’re more interested in sex than a relationship – totally fine. (We just recommend stating that up-front.) But if you’re more interested in a relationship, and view sex as a vehicle to said relationship, a detox could help you slow down.
Getting to know someone gradually, allowing sexual tension (and trust and intimacy) to build, can feel amazing. A sex detox can give you a renewed mindset about your overall goal, and a clearer picture of what you’re looking for in a partner.
Stretch out the getting-to-know-you phase
Related to the above point – delayed gratification is hot.
When we can’t have sex (with someone we like) right away, our minds fill in the blanks. We imagine what they’ll look like naked, anticipate what everything will feel like…it’s lovely.
Which is all to say: can you have a sex detox and still date? Yep! Again, we recommend stating your intentions up-front so everyone is clear. But taking your time getting familiar with someone is its own reward, sexually.
Devote time to other things that fulfill you
A lot of us conflate our self-worth with sexual desirability. And while that’s very human, it can also slowly spiral us, because placing our value in others’ hands is dicey.
So take a sex detox and build up other parts of yourself, by connecting with things you enjoy – and things that nourish you on a deep level. Time with friends. Making art. Working out. By the end of the detox, you’ll be ready to date again with even more joyful energy.
How to do a sex detox
Here are some loose guidelines to help you design your personal sex detox.
Step 1: Decide a period of time. 30 days? 60 days? A week?
Step 2: Decide which sexual behaviors are off the menu (see above). Just partnered intercourse? Or more?
Step 3: Write down what you’re learning. Don’t skip this step! You’ll walk away with good intel. The goal of a sex detox is to create a fresh, new relationship with sex itself, so this step is just as important as the first two.
How do you feel about a sex detox? Do you love or hate this idea? Come find us on Instagram @sexwithemily and let’s talk.
Want to learn more about a sex detox, and how to get the most out of it? Ask me anytime inside my membership platform, SmartSX, submit your Qs to Ask Emily, or sign up for my newsletter and get sex secrets on the regular.
Sources:
*https://feeld.co/news/feeld-raw-reveals-a-year-of-exploration-fluidity-and-connection
