Maybe it’s not totally justified, but I think we can all agree that the modern New Year’s resolution gets a bad rap.
We pump ourselves up for a couple of days, listing out all the new things we’re going to accomplish, only to be made fun of by our peers / The Internet / circumstances (lol, 2020 AND 2021) for being so ambitious. Want to get in shape? Haha, diets don’t always work! Want to learn a new language? Haha, it’s actually really hard! It’s like this defeatist mindset right out of the gate.
That’s why it’s time to dust off the old New Year’s resolution and point it in a different direction: pleasure.
Why? Simply put: pleasure is more sustainable than obligation. You can make pleasure its own virtue, because when you feel good, it’s much easier to help others around you feel good, too. “You’re welcome, humanity,” you might murmur to yourself, unwrapping your next sex toy.
So here now, 10 sex resolutions you’ll actually want to keep – pick a handful that speaks to you, or shoot for all 10, you overachiever! (And don’t forget to tag me on social to tell me what you selected…)
1. I will masturbate.
Hello, this is your doctor speaking, reminding you that there are SO many health benefits to masturbation. Stress reduction. Better sleep. Fewer headaches! Go acoustic (using just your hands) or use a toy: as long as it’s hitting your feel-good spots, you’re doing it right. Don’t have one? 2022 is the perfect time to shop.
2. I will have a sex talk.
The grand majority of us were never trained to talk about sexual pleasure, which is why you, my bold, beautiful friend, are going to try it. Are you experiencing a dry spell with your long-term SO? Here are some ideas for communicating your way out of it. Do you need to have a talk with yourself to be reminded of how hot you are? Here’s an episode where we discuss confidence. The bottom line: having a sex talk is a form of liberation, for yourself and for the culture at large. AND the more you talk about sex, the more likely you are to have great sex.
3. I will appreciate my body.
Reprogramming our brains to not only accept but to actually appreciate our bodies – maybe even adore them – is a long process. But it’s not an impossible one, especially and specifically with Harry Styles “Adore You” playing in the background.
But in all seriousness, body love often starts with movement. Not to get thinner, but to come home to our luscious, erotic skin. Sheila Kelley has a ton of refreshing thoughts on this topic, as do the guys of Mind Pump. Have a listen.They reveal their own body struggles…and how they overcame them, to feel healthy and sexy.
4. I will learn about a kink.
You don’t even have to try it! (Unless you want to…wink.) But this year, I give you permission to open that Pandora’s Box and let all the kink out, for, you know, research purposes. And listen, after learning what the hell BDSM stands for, you may decide some of it sounds kind of appealing.
5. I will try a new sex position.
I mean…nothing against Missionary. But there’s a whole wide world of sex acrobatics out there, just calling your name! Who’s up for a challenge? You are.
6. I will bring something sensory into sex.
Aka, flavored lube (taste), sexy music (sound), ice cubes in the mouth (touch) – you can do this! Really, you can. Do you want to go your whole life not knowing what it’s like for your partner’s genitals to taste like creme brulee? Me neither.
7. I will watch a sex-positive show.
The world of sex edu-tainment is at an all-time high right now: Sex Lives of College Girls, Sex Education, Sex/Life – just put “sex” into the Netflix search bar! You’re going to find lots of quality options, and what’s more, you’re going to normalize sex talks (see resolution #2) for yourself, and maybe for a partner too.
8. I will educate myself on different relationship models.
Same with kink: you don’t have to try any. But if we’re being completely, no-holds-barred honest, monogamy is compulsory. This doesn’t mean it’s bad – it’s simply what we’ve been taught. And if it works for you, fantastic. (In fact, learning about other relationship models and still choosing monogamy is so great, it’s earned its own moniker: “conscious monogamy.”)
But by taking the time to explore all the various relationship models out there, you’re going to learn a lot about yourself – the contours of your desire, what makes you feel sexual, what conditions bring up jealousy for you, and possibly how to manage uncomfortable feelings. Like I said, even if you make zero changes to your relationship(s), you’ll learn vocabulary for this world, which is quickly becoming more mainstream.
9. I will buy myself a new sex toy.
I probably don’t have to talk you into this one. But do know that whether you have a vulva or a penis, there’s a sex toy out there for you. Let your fingers do the shopping and go for something that excites you. It’s also the perfect time to try something new—like the We-Vibe Chorus for couples or one of B-Vibe’s many booty play toys for some anal exploration.
10. I will accept my sexual fantasies.
Naughty schoolgirl? Threesomes? Furries? It’s all good! When we say “yes” to our fantasies, whether or not we act on them, a special kind of alchemy happens. Pleasure becomes our teacher, revealing who we are, what excites us, and how colorful our imagination can be.
Fantasies don’t have to be shadowy, taboo secrets that we swat away at their insistent emergence – rather, we can allow them to mentally unspool, partaking in all the pleasure they can provide us. Fantasy = pretend, something we were encouraged to do as kids. Now that you’re all grown up, repeat after me: It’s OK for me to pretend.
Reminder: there are SO many healthy ways to explore fantasies. Not sure where to get started? We’re all obsessed with Bellesa Plus, the Netflix of ethical porn. With so many erotic channels, it’s easy to find something that tickles your fancy. (Or should we say, fantasy?)
Feeling excited? Yeah you are. Say helloooo to the new year, and have the time of your life checking each one off the list.