Life is short: it’s time to get a sex toy. 

Whether or not you have a penis, or simply have a penis owner in your life, toys confer all sorts of benefits. They build intimacy between partners, reduce prostate inflammation, and stimulate nerve endings so internal, a hand alone can’t reach them. (And, PS: those nerve endings feel really good.)

So, what’s the deal? Why don’t more penis owners use sex toys? 

Probably because the world of sex is rife with misconceptions. So let’s do some sex toy myth-busting, help you find the right toy for the job, and teach you how to use them.

Myth #1: Penis owners don’t need sex toys. They orgasm just fine with a hand or partner penetration.

To me, this argument is a little like saying: “I don’t need TV. I entertain myself just fine on books and movies.” Which is all to say: penis owners don’t need a toy, of course. But they might want one for the following reasons: 

• They diversify pleasure. The vibrations of a toy reach further into the body, accessing more internal nerve endings. By contrast, a hand stimulates the nerve endings that sit closest to the skin. 
• They break penis owners out of a masturbation rut (same hand, same rhythm, etc.) 
• They legit boost prostate health. Massaging the prostate helps release excess seminal fluid: the fluid that mixes with sperm to create semen. But seminal fluid can get backed up in the prostatic duct, and massaging helps secrete that fluid – clears the duct of excess. Benefits include easier urination, less painful ejaculation, and help with erectile dysfunction. 

Myth #2: Sex toys are “just” for vulva owners. 

I think we can blame this one on marketing (though it’s still untrue). Over the pandemic, half of vulva owners reported using a sex toy, while only 23.6% of penis owners did. But the reality is: every gender can use sex toys. About 41% of Americans across the gender spectrum own one now, and that number is only growing. 

It’s great that sex toy companies are prioritizing the pleasure of vulva owners, but these days, there are lots of toys exclusively designed for a penis. I’ve got a substantial list below. 

Myth #3: I have a partner, I don’t need a sex toy.

Why? Because your partner is responsible for your orgasm?

You know that’s not true. As I said on the episode covering this topic, each person is responsible for their own orgasm, and toys only help that process. Also: toys and partners aren’t diametrically opposed. According to a 2020 study, 61% of respondents said they buy sex toys for themselves and their partners. Why not invite toys and partners to the orgasm party?

Now that we’ve gotten those myths out of the way, let’s talk sex toy types. I’ll give you my top recs when you’re going shopping, and offer you a few pleasure hacks, too.   

Masturbation sleeves  

Also known as strokers, these are textured tubes made of stretchy, porous elastomer that wraps around the penis to simulate penetrative sex. Some have a built-in vibrator, some don’t. Sleeves can resemble an anus or a vulva (think the Fleshlight) or not at all. You do you…literally. 

My pick: Tenga Flip Zero Masturbator

The soft ridges and angles inside this toy enhance sensation, which feels oh-so lovely. It 

also creates a strong “vacuum” feeling, delivering stronger suction.

Pro tip: With a sleeve or stroker, a user can experience blood engorgement in their penis and pelvic floor very quickly. This makes it an ideal tool for edging, where a penis owner can train themselves to have more control over their orgasm, and to have it be more intense (both in sensation and ejaculation) when it happens. 

Penis rings 

These fit snugly around the base of the penis, and were initially invented to help maintain erections, by keeping blood “sealed” in the penis. They are available both with and without vibration; vibes provide hands-free stimulation of a partner’s clitoris during penetration, if said partner has a vulva. 

My pick: JeJoue’s MIO Cock Ring

The rumbles of this penis ring are ultra low-frequency, so that they travel deeper into the body. Penis owners can feel rumbles all along the shaft and even the perineum: a particularly nerve ending-rich area. Also! They’re currently offering a 30% discount to Sex With Emily listeners: just use code Emily30 at checkout at jejoue.com.

Pro tip: Before erection, stretch the ring around the penis and the testicles during solo play. The perineum and testicle stimulation is a super pleasurable addition during masturbation. 

Wand vibrators  

These are toys with a long “shaft” attached to a bulbous, vibrating head. Just like a regular vibrator, they can be rubbed externally on the shaft, the perineum, around the anus opening – truly, wherever you like.  

My pick: Magic Wand Plus

It’s an iconic sex toy, folks. But the latest model has four power levels going up to 6,300 RPM: that’s a loooot of power. 

I like this product because you can use it for a good old fashioned massage, given its strength. It WILL get your knots out – and then, you can lay down, and masturbate to your heart’s content. 

Pro tip: Start with lower settings first, and gradually build up. Your nerve endings might need to adjust to the sensation: going too hard too soon could be too much stimulation (ouchie) all at once. 

Prostate massagers

These toys almost look like wand massagers, but feature a curved shape designed to stimulate the prostate (also known as the “p-spot”). They are inserted into the anus, where they can access the prostate – about two inches inside the anal cavity. As with many of these toys, prostate massagers are available vibrating or non: some people prefer a gentle, less aggressive prostate massage, particularly if their gland is slightly inflamed. 

My pick: Aneros Helix Trident 

This product was intentionally designed to be more comfortable when inserted, so yay for that. Also, the head is more angled than the average prostate massager, for more direct prostate stimulation: major, major plus. 

Pro tip: Use lube! The anus is not self-lubricating. This will better help the toy reach the prostate itself, for a deep, more internal orgasm, similar to a G-spot orgasm for vulva owners. 

Convinced? I hope so. Use this guide to help you shop for a penis toy, then come talk to me to me tell me how you liked it. Enjoy!