You heard it here first. cuffing season is officially over. Now what?

Well, for the uninitiated, let’s define our terms. What even is cuffing szn?

It’s that stretch of time during the cold winter months, roughly October to now, when folks want a short-term relationship during chillier temps. Someone to snuggle with. Get cozy in front of the fireplace. I get it!

But now that it’s “over,” let’s talk sexy self-care. Because the truth is, you don’t need a partner to explore your sexuality – you can do a lot independently. So let’s focus on three ways to keep your pilot light lit and stoke your internal flames: 

• Solo sex
• Breath work
• Dressing hot (just for you)

IMO, singledom is an ideal time to align your sexual intentions, and blossom into the lover you always wanted to be. But first and foremost, that includes being a good lover to yourself. Starting with…

SEXIER SOLO SEX 

Now is the time to explore your body, and wake up more nerve endings in your erogenous zones. Both your primary zones, like your genitals, and your secondary zones, like your chest and nipples, neck, and inner thighs. 

 One great way to do that is with mindful masturbation. To try it:

• Prepare your space: clean your bed, your room, light candles and/or incense, put on sensual music. Anything that helps your mind clear, and your body relax.
• Start by slowly touching yourself, but avoid the temptation to go straight for the goods (your genitals). Tease your neck, your chest, your torso, your thighs…wait as long as you possibly can, before reaching down your underwear. 
• When you do start touching your genitals, go five times slower than you probably want. 
• Take note: what areas of your vulva or penis feel more sensitive? Which areas do not? There’s no right or wrong, you’re simply allowing arousal to build, and gaining useful data for your sexual owner’s manual. 

This is a nice time to add a powerful sex toy to the mix, now that your genitals are engorged and sensitive. For vulva owners, I love Lelo’s Sila Cruise: a luxe, petite clitoral vibe that uses gentle sonic waves to mimic the best oral sex of your life. The brand also makes a lovely toy for penis owners, one that’ll make solo sex a lot more interesting: the LOKI Wave 2. A prostate massager that unlocks internal orgasms, it mimics finger-like prostate play with two powerful motors, and if you’ve never had a prostate orgasm before…let’s just say, you’re in for a treat.

ESSENTIAL BREATH WORK

I spoke about breath work and sexual satisfaction in a recent episode, because I’m so passionate about this tool, and how healing it can be. 

When we take deep belly breaths, we stimulate the vagus nerve: a nerve that runs from the base of our head all the way to our stomach. And the vagus nerve is in charge of our parasympathetic nervous system, which tells our fight-or-flight mode to turn off, and our rest-and-digest mode to turn on. Can you guess what the better mode is, to feel sexy and sensual?

An easy way to adopt a daily breath work routine is box breathing. To try it: 

• Inhale for 4 counts, then hold for 4 counts at the top. 
• Exhale for 4 counts, then hold for 4 counts when you’re through. 

Cake, right? Set a timer for one minute, and do your box breathing throughout. The more you get used to it, the more time you can add – and the more zen you will feel. Zen vibes = ready for sex vibes. 

DRESS HOT (JUST FOR YOU)

Fact: you don’t need a partner to wear sexy stuff. Sometimes, getting dressed up in a hot outfit is just about you, feeling good about yourself.

So if you’ve ever wanted to buy pretty lingerie, take sexy selfies, and generally feel hot – why wait? I recently teamed up with Fleur Du Mal to create a gorgeous, kink-friendly bundle. It has pieces you can layer into outfits (like a babydoll top in a color that’s flattering on everyone), a thong and a blindfold for light bondage play…and again I say, you have my full and total permission to bust out the good lingerie, just for you. 

Speaking of smoking, fetish wear is evolving – to the point where you can incorporate it into actual outfits, just like my bundle. This all-gender body harness from Good Vibes is versatile and so freaking sexy: wear it over your top, or, wear it over your plain skin for an eye-popping selfie sesh. 

The single life can be such a rich, exploratory time of figuring out your turn ons, making yourself feel good, and getting to know who you are as a sexual being. So let’s keep the convo going: I’d love to hear your sexy self-care ideas. Talk to me over at my Instagram, @sexwithemily.