In this episode of the Sex with Emily podcast, Dr. Emily teams up with Dr. Scott Lyons, a licensed holistic psychologist and body-based trauma expert, to explore how vocalizing pleasure can transform your intimate experiences. From childhood conditioning to nervous system science, we uncover why most people stay silent during sex and how this silence may be limiting your pleasure and connection.
We dive deep into the psychology behind sexual silence, examining how shame and societal expectations keep us quiet when authentic expression could enhance our experiences. Dr. Scott explains the science of vocalization, including how making sounds stimulates the vagus nerve and helps regulate our bodies during intimate moments. We also tackle the crucial difference between authentic pleasure sounds and performative moaning influenced by porn culture.
This episode addresses practical concerns like being considerate with roommates or children in the house, offers graduated exercises for increasing vocal expression, and explores how sound creates essential feedback loops between partners. Dr. Emily and Dr. Scott share personal insights from massage experiences to bedroom dynamics, providing both professional expertise and relatable stories.
Whether you’re naturally quiet, overly performative, or somewhere in between, this episode offers science-backed insights and compassionate guidance for finding your authentic voice of pleasure. You’ll learn practical techniques like the “10% Challenge” and touch-for-pleasure exercises that can immediately improve your intimate communication and connection.
Show Notes:
00:00 – The Vegas Massage Story: Learning from Authentic Sound
03:00 – Why We Stay Silent During Pleasure
06:41 – Men, Masturbation & the Culture of Quiet Sex
08:26 – Sound as Nervous System Regulation
11:07 – Authentic vs. Performative Vocalization
15:38 – The Sixth Limb: Your Voice as Extension of Your Body
18:06 – Shame, Control & Sexual Expression
23:10 – Practical Exercises: Touch for Pleasure Practice
28:14 – Sensory Play & Exploration
30:04 – Parents, Kids & Sexual Noise Concerns
33:08 – The 10% Challenge: Starting Small
This episode emphasizes that authentic vocalization is about genuine expression and nervous system regulation—not performing for your partner, but truly connecting with your own pleasure and creating deeper intimacy through honest communication.
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