Your January Sex Challenge

Out of focus woman hanging off bed, upside down with legs crossed, with one hand on crotch and one in mouth

Welcome to 2024! Kick the year off right, with the month-long Sex With Emily Sex Challenge.

This year, we’re focusing week-by-week on foundational themes to spice up your sex life. You’ve got an adventure every day to help you explore sexy newness with your partner…and, you’ll get a ton of hot ideas for the year to come. 

Some of the days require supplies. So can the list now for anything you don’t have and gather as needed. Shop With Emily is your one stop-shop for sex toys, sexual wellness products and sextras, so you can find most of what you need right there. Alternatively, feel free to repeat your favorite supply-free days. 

Are you following @sexwithemily on Instagram and TikTok yet? We’ll be sharing our community progress! We’ll also talk about how it’s going, share our faves, our blahs, and everything in between. Start your engine, lovers…let’s get this challenge started. 

Track your progress with our downloadable January Sex Challenge calendar

WEEK 1: Communication

The goal for this week is getting more comfortable talking about sex. The adventures this week are a mix of solo and partnered. 

1. Listen to a Sex Podcast

I’ve got a recommendation (wink). Whether it’s my show or another sex podcast, your challenge for today is to listen to one sex podcast episode, start to finish. When we hear other people talking about sex, it gets us more comfortable doing it ourselves. 

2. Do the Yes / No / Maybe List

Download mine right here. Do it with your partner, then compare notes to see where you both got “yes’s.” 

3. Play Your Greatest Hits

Talk about your 3 favorite sexual memories together. Where were you? Why was it so memorable? Take note of any emotional themes that stick out: these are clues to your turn-ons. Did the sex feel risky? Romantic? Kinky? 

4. Take Your Desire Inventory

This comes from my book Smart Sex. Here’s a short preview of the Desire Inventory, for the full questionnaire see Chapter 1: Boost Your Sex IQ or get your copy now.

Answer each question below on a scale of 1-10, and note your highest rated answers. Don’t rank them, simply give each a score. For any answer 5 or above, try applying these conditions to your next sexual encounters.

How important is the following for you to get excited for sex with your partner? 

  • To connect with my partner emotionally, through  spending time together and sharing conversation, before I can get excited for sex with them. 
  • To share something stimulating with someone, like a delicious meal, an interesting movie, or a physical activity, before I can get excited for sex with them. 
  • To have my partner flirt with me before I can get excited for sex with them. 
  • That my partner has dressed up and taken the time to look nice for me before I can get excited for sex  with them. 
  • That I’ve dressed up for my partner and feel confident in my appearance before I can get excited for sex with them. 
5. Have a Sexual State of the Union

This is a general sex talk you’ll aim to start having once a month. For this first one, try it in an inviting, comfortable environment, like a date or on a walk. 

As you have more Sexual State of the Union talks, you can tailor these questions to your relationship, but here are a small handful to get you started. For full list, see Smart Sex. And remember…both of you will answer these questions. 

  • What are you enjoying about our sex life right now?
  • What would you like to see more of in our sex life?
  • When you think about the hottest sex we could ever have,
  • What does it look like?
  • Where are we when that fantasy happens?
  • What can I do more of to make sex satisfying for you?
6. Review Your Sex IQ

Do you know the 5 pillars of Sex IQ? They are:

  • Embodiment
  • Health
  • Collaboration
  • Self-Knowledge
  • Self-Acceptance

We take a deep dive into each pillar in Smart Sex. Get to know each of the pillars, and write down which areas where you’re currently doing well. Next, write down the areas where you could improve. 

7. Play 69 Questions

Let’s end the week in a fun way! It’s time to play 69 Questions.

These are sexy, provocative questions that get at our fantasies, kinks, and sexual preferences. I’ve got the full 69 question list in Smart Sex, so use that on your next date…or, bring a sexy question card deck to the table, and have at it. Here are a few to get you started.

  • What part of your body do you find sexiest?
  • What part of your body do you want sexual compliments for?
  • Which celebrities turn you on?
  • What do you value most in a sexual relationship?
  • What are your top sexual turn-ons?
  • When do you feel most sexually confident?
  • What are some of your sexual insecurities?
  • What do you find most beautiful or attractive about people?
  • What things or experiences are most sensual to you?

What was your favorite sex adventure this week? Write it down so you can try it again soon!

WEEK 2: Arousal and Foreplay

The goal for this week is to be more intentional about building sexual tension, and get more blood flowing for the sexual act. 

1. Wear Something That Makes You Feel Hot

Whether it’s lingerie under your clothes, silk boxers, or an asset-enhancing outfit, today’s the day. Feel the power of self-arousal. 

2. Send a Sext

Unleash the suggestive emojis, and feel excitement build together. Need some pointers? I’ve got a guide for you right here.

3. Make a Sex Playlist

Whether it’s for solo sex or your partner play, curate some sensual beats today. As a bonus, share it with your partner when you’re finishing, for their listening pleasure. 

4. Meditate, Masturbate, Manifest

A huge part of great sex is establishing an erotic relationship with yourself, so this practice mixes mindfulness with personal eroticism. Get your step-by-step here

5. Try An Arousal Gel 

Here’s my absolute favorite. Apply, feel the tingly blood-rush to your genitals, and more sensitivity with every touch. 

6. Do Erotic Massage

Heat up your foreplay…literally. Light a body-safe massage candle, then take turns dripping warmed oil on each other for a sexy thrill. 

7. Try Nipple Clamps

Nipples contain nerve endings that activate the same part of your brain as orgasm, which might be one reason people love nipple clamps so much. Take turns wearing them during foreplay, or take turns squeezing each other’s nipples while you kiss and make out. 


What was your favorite sex adventure this week? Write it down so you can try it again soon!

WEEK 3: Oral

The goal for this week is to give and receive oral with more deep, authentic pleasure.  

1. Try Light Temperature Play

The genitals are super sensitive to temperature variation, so take full advantage. Here are some easy temperature play tricks for oral sex. 

2. Talk Dirty

While giving or receiving oral sex today, add in some dirty talk. You can start with something as simple as “more” or “you taste amazing.” Peruse this article for more ideas. 

3. Tie Each Other Up

Nothing like getting oral with your wrists tied. No need for fancy equipment, a necktie or scarf works fine. 

4. Switch Up 69

Enjoy 69ing with each other today, but get inventive. Here are 6 ideas for upgrading your 69. 

5. Give Oral On Your Knees

…instantly gives oral sex a slight BDSM flavor. Try it on each other today. A pillow under the knees makes it more comfy. 

6. Try the Kivin Method

Aka, sideways oral. Many people with vulvas love receiving like this, because it offers more intense stimulation than the usual way. Find pointers here.

7. Edge Each Other

Today , they can’t come until you say so. Take turns going down on each other, and when your partner’s getting close, back off…then build stimulation back up again, for a left-the-planet orgasm. Download my Edging Guide here. 


What was your favorite sex adventure this week? Write it down so you can try it again soon!

WEEK 4: Positions

The goal for this week is to bust out of our sex scripts, and turn penetrative sex into a new adventure. 

1. Mix Up Missionary

It’s a go-to sex position for most hetero couples, and even queer couples doing anal or strap-on sex. But today, you’re going to to have missionary sex with a twist. Read my tips here, or listen to this episode for ideas to make it kinky. 

2. Take Turns “Driving” the Sex

Is there usually a partner who leads the sex? Today, switch roles. Observe what it’s like to try on a new sexual energy.

3. Learn Lotus Position

Super intimate, deeply penetrative, available on beds and in cars. Do Lotus position today, with this as your guide. 

4. Do Mutual Masturbation

Be voyeurs and exhibitionists, at the same time. Try mutual masturbation with each other, for guaranteed orgasms…and a kinky good time. Download my guide here

5. Add a Toy To Sex

It’s 2024 and when it comes to sex toys, the world is your oyster. I’ve got something for everyone at Shop With Emily, including couples toys. I’m a huge fan of penis rings myself (which PS, you can also wear on your fingers). Need inspo on using toys during sex? I’ve got you covered

6. Play with Pretzel Position

Intimidating name, easy execution. This was one of my most popular and most-searched sex positions of last year. Do it today

7. Do Doggy In Front of a Mirror

One advantage of doggy style is that you’re both facing the same direction. Why not check yourselves out? Prop a mirror in front of the bed, and enjoy the view. 


What was your favorite sex adventure this week? Write it down so you can try it again soon!

You did it! You enjoyed 31 days of deepening your sexual bond. Having better sex doesn’t just mean doing it a lot…it means taking time to assess the quality of the sex you’re currently having, communicating openly with each other, and experimenting with new techniques. 

How’d you do? Share your experiences using the hashtag #sexchallenge. Enjoy the lasting benefits for all of 2024. 

Download the January Sex Challenge Calendar


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