6 Sex Issues A Lot of Couples Face
In the dynamic pool of dating and more, it goes without saying no two couples are exactly alike.
Between different interests, goals, temperaments and zodiac signs – it’s a wonder how we’re ever able to wade through the crowds to find a companion who suits our fancy. But for as unique as each of us are, somehow couples often manage to find themselves up against the same relationship ruts.
Some with easier fixes than others:
Perhaps the oldest hitch in the book, mismatched libidos have waged war between couples for ages.
When one person has a higher sex drive than the other, it’s easy to see how a dynamic can pivot to some pretty shaky ground. Especially when it comes to long-term relationships, the fallout can range all over the map! From mild annoyance and feelings of rejection to deep resentment and bruised self confidence, uncoordinated libidos can escalate to a live action game of Minesweeper in very little time.
When it comes to one’s cravings for pleasure, there are countless elements that can potentially play a part.Whether it’s age, lifestyle, performance abilities – even just personality – candid discussions become greatly needed for partners to neutrally hash things out and get back on the same page.
Not Enough Foreplay
While we all know a lot of men can go from zero to 60 faster than a Tesla (well, close), it’s a proven fact that most women need a little more lead-time before opening doors for business.
Which herein lies the notorious orgasm gap — because barely any couple – no matter the combination – climaxes at the exact same rate. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to rely on a makeout session that feels like it’ll never end.
The art of the tease is always sure to please, so making the most of it along with other titillating, pre-game tools can help get everyone warmed up in no time. Just like the breadsticks at Olive Garden, foreplay is essential. It’s too critical (and enjoyable) of a step to omit from the whole experience. Hey, you might even find appetizers can be just as filling as the usual entree – especially if you have a Magic Wand.
Lack of Communication
Despite sex being one of the most pivotal parts to a romantic relationship, it tends to be one of the last things ever brought to the table for discussion.
When consulting any couple, of course the first thing everyone wants to have is better sex. Sadly, many fail to see the flawed logic in expecting improvement without conversing the other half of the equation. As Emily always says, “communication is a lubrication,” so it should be a no brainer that in order to see a worthwhile effect you must invest some constructive cause.
It’s not about playing the blame game or pointing fingers, but sharing in one another’s curiosity, proclivities, and feedback. The world of sex and relationships are made of nothing but two-way streets, so never write off the world of difference being emotionally in sync can make.
In an age where time is one of our most precious commodities, it’s easy to see how finding breaks for intimacy can get pretty difficult. Between family, friends, careers and the ever-growing list of other “where did that come from” obligations, anyone can vouch for how bustling (and exhausting) day-to-day life can get.
While a busy schedule can be both the most legit and cop out of excuses (sometimes simultaneously), having a partner in the mix means not only having to manage your own schedule — but that of another person, too. Of course, like many things in life, it all boils down to priorities. So if you care about your relationship, you should probably put first the most important things that come along with it.
Which can lead to the viable notion of scheduling sex. Sure, it may not initially sound the most glam, but it keeps sex top of mind. Plus, it gives everyone something to look forward to – you can make it the sexiest yet when you know for sure at the end of the day, some love is going down.
Dryness is no one’s friend — and to be fair, there’s absolutely no reason for it. In today’s day and age, there’s a lube out there for everyone, so who could say no to what only makes every sensation feel all the better?
Whether it’s a lack of natural lubrication, larger than life penis (or toy) or any other type of downtown discomfort, there’s likely a way to combat it. The first step, though, is to bring it up with your partner.
No one should think they have to suffer in silence. As we just discussed, communication is everything; so for something that’s supposed to be a blissfully paired pursuit, neither party should have to wince their way through.
With more foreplay comes more arousal; and with more arousal comes a lessened likelihood of pain from not being fully ready for action. If the pain you’re experiencing happens to be more than just not enough warming up, definitely talk with your partner about it, and see a pelvic floor specialist or a doctor.
Neither Is Masturbating
Whether in a relationship or not, masturbation is a must — for everyone, all the time.
Sexual pleasure begins with yourself. So if you’re not comfortable in your own skin, or even know what makes yourself feel good, how can you honestly expect a partner to? Exploring each other’s bodies is one of the most fascinating parts of a romance, but at the end of the day, you still have to know how to do you. And can’t forever expect to leave it all in the hands of another person.
Prioritizing a little “me time” becomes all the more important if you happen to live with your partner, as well. No matter how much you love each other, everyone still needs some time alone. Since masturbation is such a great way to relax, you can take a minute to relieve some stress while getting to focus on you, and only you.
When returning to bed with bae, mutual masturbation is another great tool. By touching yourself how you know you like to be touched and you’re able to give a first-hand guide to your partner. Not to mention, a picture that’s worth a thousand oooh’s. So take your Womanizer or Pulse III out of your carefully placed UVee by the bed, and get ready for a night full of fun.
Perhaps all of this just goes to show that we really do have more in common than not.
Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her website (www.alexjanderson.com) and on Instagram (@AJAndMore)!