In the dynamic pool of dating, no two couples are exactly alike. Between different interests, goals, temperaments and zodiac signs, it’s a wonder how anyone ever finds a companion who suits their fancy. But for as unique as each of us are, somehow couples manage to find themselves stuck in the same relationship ruts, time after time. Here are 6 sex issues that many couples face, and how to navigate through them.
Mismatched libidos have waged war between couples for ages. It might be the oldest hitch in the sex issue book. When one person has a higher sex drive than the other, it’s easy to see how the dynamic can pivot into some pretty shaky ground. When it comes to long-term relationships, the effects can vary. From mild annoyance and feelings of rejection to deep resentment and bruised self-confidence, uncoordinated libidos can escalate in a very short amount of time.
When it comes to one’s sexual appetite, there are countless elements in play. Whether it’s age, lifestyle, or even just personality, communication is essential for partners to get back on the same page.
Not Enough Foreplay
Foreplay is an essential element of any sexual relationship. Some partners need more and some need less. The orgasm gap exists; vulva-owners statistically. orgasm more slowly or less frequently compared to penis-owners.
But whatever the makeup of your relationship, it’s rare that a couple climaxes at the exact same rate and moment. Foreplay ensures that pleasure takes primary importance over orgasms and that everyone involved has a good time in the bedroom. Take your time, tease each other, and hold your horses before completing the race to the sexual finish line. It’s a step that shouldn’t be skipped.
Lack of Communication
Sex is one of the most pivotal parts of a romantic relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t get talked about as much as it should. One thing everyone wants to have is better sex. Sadly, many fail to see the flawed logic in expecting improvement without conversation. Don’t be one of these people and invest some time in having potentially uncomfortable conversations about sex.
And this is important: When you talk about sex, don’t play the blame game or point fingers. Focus more on sharing one another’s curiosity, proclivities, and feedback. Sex isn’t a one-way street. Try your best to see your partner’s point of view and show them your own.
Time is one of our most precious commodities. It’s easy to see how finding breaks for intimacy can get difficult. Between family, friends, careers, and other obligations, life gets exhausting. Being in a relationship means not only having to manage your own schedule, but you also have to coordinate with someone else’s. But if you care about your relationship, you should probably put first the most important things that come along with it.
If you’re having trouble finding time to get it on, try scheduling sex. Sure, it may not initially sound the most glam, but it keeps you accountable and thinking about your partner. Plus, it gives everyone something to look forward to.
Dryness or Pain
Dryness is no one’s friend. If you struggle with a lack of lubrication during sex, there are plenty of products that can help. There’s a lube out there for everyone, and getting a good one makes sex so much better. Whether it’s a lack of natural lubrication or another type of downtown discomfort, there’s a way to combat this sex issue. The first step is to bring it up with your partner.
Another thing: sex should feel good. If you have pain during sex, you should not have to wince your way through. There are many different factors that can contribute to dryness or pain during sex. If the pain you’re experiencing happens to be more than just not enough warming up, definitely talk with your partner about it, and see a pelvic floor specialist or a doctor.
Lack of Masturbating
Whether in a relationship or not, masturbation is a good idea. Sexual pleasure starts with yourself. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin or if you don’t know what makes yourself feel good, how can you honestly expect a partner to know that? Exploring each other’s bodies is one of the most fascinating parts of a romance, but you still have to know how to do you. And can’t forever expect to leave it all in the hands of another person.
Prioritizing a little “me time” becomes all the more important if you happen to live with your partner, too. No matter how much you love each other, everyone still needs some time alone. Since masturbation is such a great way to relax, you can take a minute to relieve some stress while getting to focus on yourself, and only yourself. Mutual masturbation is also great in a relationship. By touching yourself how you know you like to be touched and you’re able to give a first-hand guide to your partner.
Sex issues occur in almost all of our relationships, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be figured out. Keep the lines of communication open, keep exploring, and keep trying.
Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her website (www.alexjanderson.com) and on Instagram (@AJAndMore)!