There are some sex myths so pervasive, so ingrained into the culture, they require a decisive fact-check. Because once you know the truth, guess what? You have better sex! (And more self-compassion, more understanding for your partners, and a vaster array of sexual skills.)

Please don’t be confused or scared by the following seven sex myths. They aren’t true anyway! With our permission and blessing, you can leave these behind in 2024. 

Myth: Men are more sexual than women

Fact: Lol, nope. 

Now that more women are entering the fields of sexology and sexual health, we’re getting FAR more accurate metrics and studies of female sexuality. Turns out, women are just as sexual as men with the right conditions… and some of those conditions may surprise you. Recommended reading: Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Adultery is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free by Sex With Emily frequent guest, Wednesday Martin.

Myth: If you’ve got a vagina, sex is just going to hurt as you get older 

Fact: Nope! But the concern is understandable, given the lack of meaningful research on perimenopause and menopause. That’s finally starting to change, but if you’re concerned, this is what you can do.

One of the leading causes of painful sex is the thinning of vaginal tissues, which corresponds with the drop of estrogen that naturally takes place during menopause. (For most people this is around their early 50s, although it can happen before or after that window.) But you can apply growth factor serum to the tissues themselves, to restore elasticity and thicken the vaginal lining. V-Health makes a serum* you can apply at night, so your body absorbs it while you sleep. Over time, sex becomes much more comfortable because your tissues are thicker. 

We also recommend THC-free CBD for pain relief, like the Revive gummy from VIIA**. Relief effects last 2 to 4 hours, and kick in about 30 minutes after you take one. As your body acclimates to the serum, this is a great short-term solution for pain relief to make sex more comfortable. 

Myth: Men are emotionless sex machines who don’t need cuddles or aftercare

Fact: Men also crave authentic connection before, during, and after sex – just like women.

One of the coolest conversations we ever had was with men on Twitter, asking them what sexual stereotypes they’re sick of. They said things like: “Why does it matter if I just want a hug and kiss, sometimes that’s all I want,” and “just because men are traditionally dominant & women are traditionally submissive, doesn’t mean that I don’t want my girl to make me feel wanted. I want to feel wanted too!” 

This upcoming year (especially!), let’s ditch the gendered stereotypes around sex and move on. 

Myth: Enjoying or wanting anal sex means something about your sexuality

Fact: It sure doesn’t! 

The truth is, your anus is filled with sensitive nerve endings that wake up during sexual arousal. If you’ve got a penis, you’ve also got a prostate gland, which is accessible by the rectum and leads to deep, intense orgasms. No matter your sexuality, it’s completely reasonable for you to want that. 

If you’ve got a vagina, your internal clitoral network is incredibly close to your anus, and penetration indirectly stimulates this sensitive, pleasure-giving organ. So again, regardless of sexuality, your body could just really enjoy stimulation in this area. 

Here are prostate stimulation toys that work incredibly well for those with a penis. If you’ve got a vagina, we recommend trying a small, vibrating anal plug next time you masturbate. Have fun, and enjoy the exploration! 

Myth: If you’ve got a penis, you get hard whenever you’re aroused

Fact: Sexual arousal often leads to an erection, but not always. 

Erections are dependent on blood flow, and lots of things can interfere with healthy circulation:

• Nervousness: if your anxiety spikes while hooking up, your erection might go away 
• Alcohol: this is a depressant, which can disrupt blood flow to the penis
• Smoking: this degrades the health of your veins and arteries, which play a huge role in erection 

Additionally, lack of exercise, diabetes and obesity can all prevent erection – even if you’re turned on. To make erections more reliable, don’t think solely about the penis, think about the whole body and how you can support circulation and blood flow. You know what to do here: exercise most days of the week, stay hydrated, cut back (or quit) smoking and alcohol. 

Myth: The pull-out method works to prevent pregnancy

Fact: Pregnancy is definitely possible with the pull-out. 

Pre-ejaculate is a natural lubricant released during arousal, prior to ejaculation. You’ll usually notice it during erection. And while pre-ejaculate doesn’t contain sperm on its own, sperm can and does leak into it periodically. The best way to prevent pregnancy is through a tried-and-true contraception method, such as a condom, IUD or birth control pills. 

Myth: If you’re aroused, you shouldn’t need lube

Fact: Sexual arousal doesn’t always correspond with vaginal wetness. Factors like illness, where a person is in their cycle, pregnancy, medicines like antihistamines and decongestants, and menopause all affect the body’s natural lubrication. 

This is a loud reminder that if your partner is not wet, that DOES NOT mean you have failed to turn them on. Besides, lube makes sex more orgasmic anyway, so keep a bottle on your nightstand. Studies show that you are 50% more likely to orgasm with the presence of lube, no matter your gender or genitals. Great lovers use lube. 

What sex myths would you add to this list? Do you have any questions about sex “facts” that feel…shaky?? No judgement! Come find us on Instagram @sexwithemily and let’s talk.

Want to learn more about sex myths and elevating your pleasure? Ask me anytime inside my membership platform, SmartSX, submit your Qs to Ask Emily, or sign up for my newsletter and get sex secrets on the regular.

*Use code “EMILY25” for 25% off at V-Health

** Use code “EMILY” for 15% off at VIIA