Ask Emily: How Do I Have Better Shower Sex?

person showering

Dear Emily, 

My partner and I both really want to have shower sex, but every time we do it feels so physically awkward! Our shower is big enough so it could feasibly work… but it’s always so difficult to finagle ourselves into new positions that I’m never able to focus on the pleasure. Any ideas on how to make it work? 



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Dear Claire,

In theory, shower sex is the best. It’s steamy, wet and you’re being environmentally friendly by saving water. I also love that the noise from the shower drowns any moans or grunts—making it perfect if you’ve got roomies or kids. 

That said, shower sex can be difficult to execute. And sometimes when we come upon a sexual challenge, we give up entirely. Here’s how you can master shower sex in 4 easy steps. 

Play with your positioning.

It’s no secret that one of the most common issues that come along with shower sex is finding proper positioning. You’re most likely standing in a slippery area, which makes finding the “right spot” more of a challenge—and it can even feel a bit dangerous. 

To make things more comfortable (and safe!) try the ol’ bend-over position. This is where one partner stands in front of the other, bends over and puts their hands on their shins for support. The other partner stands behind the one bending over, and either uses their penis or a strap-on to enter doggy-style. Depending on the size of the shower, the person in front might also be able to put their hands on the wall, which can help with balance.

You can also experiment with oral and hand play. If you’re using your hands, stand and enjoy some super hot mutual masturbation. Opting for oral? Simply take turns getting on your knees and give your partner an unforgettable trip to pleasure town. 

Use what you’re working with.

Different folks, different strokes, different showers. Much of your positioning will depend on what sort of shower you have. If you’re in a shower with a bathtub (and the tub is big enough), consider laying down with one partner on top of the other while letting the warm water cascade down your bodies. If you’ve got a shower with a bench, you can experiment with sitting positions. This is where the fantasy of a full-on shower straddle becomes a reality. 

Have a removable showerhead? Let’s not forget how ah-mazing some water pressure feels on the clitoris. You can take turns getting wet and turned on with the showerhead and best of all, clean-up is built into your environment. 

Use a toy.

Waterproofing is one of the best things in the world we’ve done to sex toys. And because many shower sex positions make it difficult for us to reach certain pleasure points, consider bringing a toy into your playtime. Some toys even have suction cups that you can adhere to the wall for easy play and accessibility. 

The Mimi by Je Joue works great in the shower, as does the Ditto Anal Plug! 

Don’t forget your silicone lube.

Silicone lubes are waterproof, meaning they need both soap and water to be removed and won’t wash off until you want them to. Silicone lube in the shower is great for two reasons: one, lube is the best at increasing wetness and almost always amplifies pleasure, and two, clean-up is super easy! Water-based lube can work in a pinch, but silicone lube has staying power.

Just remember to be careful about spilling lube on the floor. Shower sex is slippery enough and you don’t want to fall. Water and oil-based lubes are easily washed away, so you’ll also want to make sure you steer clear of those! (At least while you’re in the shower.)

Most importantly—stay safe! The point is for you to work with your environment, and not against it. The least sexy and most painful thing can be slipping in the shower, so be sure to communicate and check in with your partner about not only what feels good but what feels stable. If it feels too unsteady you can always use the shower as a sexual pre-game before taking things into the bedroom. Either way, you now have a set of shower sex tools that are sure to turn the experience from intimidating to hot and wet and oh-so-fun.