Dear Emily,
I met a man while traveling, we have been talking for a while since, and now he’s coming to visit. We haven’t been intimate yet, but I have a feeling that it will happen while he’s here. Which leads me to my question…
When I have sex, I produce a lot of female ejaculate, and if previous measures are not taken, the bed really isn’t suitable to sleep in after. I want to give this guy a heads-up, but I don’t really know how to approach this. Also I don’t want him to be disappointed if, for some reason, I don’t squirt the first time with him.
Should I tell him beforehand? If so, how? Or should I just let it be a surprise?
With love,
Sage
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Dear Sage,
First and foremost, congratulations on your sexual superpower! I know the subject of squirting may feel a bit taboo, but it’s not an uncommon part of orgasm. You are not alone. My inbox is flooded with questions from people who would like to be able to master the skill to squirt.
Still, I can see where your concerns are coming from. On the one hand, you want to alert your future partner so he isn’t completely caught off guard if/when it goes down. But then again, is this a conversation you really want to have over the phone, weeks before any sex actually occurs? How does one go about breaking that news ahead of time? “Hey Ben, you might wanna pack your poncho….”
The fact is, any conversation about sexual response can feel a bit awkward, no matter how long you’ve been with your partner. There’s just something about any form of sex talk that can make us feel vulnerable and, therefore, a bit shy. And that’s before bringing an often-fetishized topic like female ejaculation into the mix.
The Conversation
The good news is you have the ability to take control of the conversation and steer it toward what you want it to be. Don’t want it to be a big deal? Don’t make it one! By being casual and open in your dialogue, you set the tone for a candid convo. Keep it light, honest, and playful.
As far as sharing the fact that you often squirt during orgasm, don’t feel pressure to bring it up too far in advance. I do think you should give him a casual heads-up that things might get a little extra wet. You can do it in the heat of the moment, somewhere in between passionate kisses, but before you get so into it. This way you’re preparing him for what’s to come but still leaving it ambiguous enough that, if you don’t squirt, there’s no expectation for it. Most likely he will be totally into it, regardless of the outcome. And since you never know when you’re in for a wild time, I suggest keeping a towel by the bed (again, if your partner asks, you can flirtatiously mention things might get a little wet).
Remember that squirting is not a big deal. This is all just a part of who you are and how you get turned on. If he’s able to get you to climax, whether you squirt or not, he’s going to be stoked. Now go have fun!
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Originally posted Glamour’s Sex Tips Column “Ask Emily: Should I Tell My Partner I Squirt During Sex?”
