Ask Emily: I Can’t Always Get Hard For Sex, Help

Blurred silhouette of a young naked man in a shower room with two women behind wet frosted glass

Hey Emily,

I’ve hit that age where getting an erection isn’t a sure thing. Even when I want to have sex. My wife is hot as hell, she turns me on, I definitely desire her. But whereas 15 years ago I’d get hard in an instant (usually when we’d start kissing or touching each other), now, it really feels like a gamble. Will I get an erection? Will I not?

She tells me it’s ok and that we can do other things, but I want more control over this. I’m not ready to go the medication route yet. I’ve also heard you say that erections are a blood flow issue so I’ve been working out more and that does seem to help. But is there anything else you’d recommend in the moment that I could use to help? 

–Steve, 63, Michigan

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Hi Steve! Thank you so much for writing in. You’re not alone in this one at all!

You are absolutely right that most of the time, this problem comes from a blood flow issue. I’ve written about it in-depth here. If helpful, you could also send your wife this article on what to do when your partner loses their erection. 

So, good for you on working out, that will definitely help increase your level of free testosterone which helps with arousal more generally, and of course boosts blood flow. As for what you can do in the moment:

Steve, I’m going to recommend an arousal gel. Specifically, Morgasm CBD Arousal Gel. Let me explain why this is going to help you.

CBD is a vasodilator, meaning it opens up your blood vessels for more blood flow. That is exactly what you need. Remember, desire and arousal are not the same thing. What this formula specifically does is amplify your body’s arousal response to a localized area (your penis) when you apply it. This means you will get harder, faster.

But it’s not just the CBD that’s going to help you, this product also contains L-Arginine: an amino acid that plays a key role in synthesizing nitrous oxide. This molecule is critical for strong erections, because guess what? Nitrous oxide is also a vasodilator. The end result is the blood vessels in your penis are going to widen, resulting in a more immediate, firmer erection. 

When you put it on, you’ll likely start to feel more blood going to your penis and that your penis hardens more than without it. But Morgasm also designed this product to give you more intense orgasms, with more excretion, and more sensation – all fun bonuses.  

Getting back to your wife for a moment, she can use this product too, especially if she has a harder time orgasming during sex. When each of you orgasm, you should feel it more intensely. There’s a lot of blood flow happening, meaning stronger contractions in your pelvic floor muscles – the muscle group responsible for orgasm. 

That was a lot of science Steve, but I hope it provides you some reassurance. Morgasm is an excellent tool to use in the moment and I think it’s really going to help you. (It smells and tastes nice, too.)