Recently, I penned an article about vulva owners and the sexual stereotypes they hate. And then…I invited penis owners to weigh in. About themselves.

This conversation went down on Twitter (you can read the whole thread here), and I have to say – it was a truly moving moment in the Sex With Emily community. Penis owners really opened up, on everything from body insecurities to how long they last, from uncircumcised penis myths to oral sex (“that we only care about getting our d*ck sucked,” as one user put it.)

Sooo many men told me they were tired of being thought of as horny cavemen who don’t need emotional intimacy. On that note, let’s applaud their vulnerability and hear the stereotypes they’d like you to retire. These are the three top. 

Stereotype #1:

If they lose their erection or can’t get one, they’re not attracted to you.

Unpredictable erections can be chalked up to so many things. Vascular health, anxiety, sleep deprivation…and you know what? None of those things have to do with you, as the good people of Twitter said loud and clear. 

@sexwithemily: Talk to me, penis owners. What’s a sexual stereotype about you that you want to challenge?

@FastlaneHughley: Sometimes we just can’t get it up. No matter what.We’re tired, anxious, or simply not in the mood. Has nothing to do with you. So please don’t take it personally

@Starkid65650946: That we can get hard on a whim.

Erections are complex, and don’t always correspond with sexual attraction. The penis owner partner could be taking certain medications, while still being super attracted to you. They could be suffering sleep apnea, while still being super attracted to you. They could be – well, you get the idea. Even if you genuinely turn them on, their body’s response might not match.

When new school penis owners and old fashioned guys open up and tell me that they have an ED problem, I recommend the only smart cock ring that can improve their performance and give them insights into their erectile health. This one from FirmTech is not only useful in the moment (e.g. you can wear it during intercourse, which helps keep the penis engorged and firm), but you can also wear it at night, to track your nocturnal erections that inform you about your vascular health and the impact of your meds and your lifestyle habits.

Stereotype #2:

Only good lovers last a long time.

Another common theme I heard was around finishing too fast, and what it presumably said about the penis owner.  

@flawedgenius777: That guys can get hard on command or are hard all the time and can keep going non stop. 

For so many penis owners, having sensitive genitalia is a real worry. Whether it’s an overgrowth of nerve endings or super active nerve cells, their orgasms always feel like they’re right there – and then, sometimes without warning, they are. 

Here’s the truth though: there’s so much more to the sexual experience than orgasm, and so many erogenous zones to explore, other than the penis. Even then, there are ways to calm down a penis’s orgasmic response, and have more control during sex. A reliable delay spray (like this one from Promescent) temporarily restricts the flow of ions through nerve cells in the penis, slowing down their rate of signaling. Cool, huh?

So please, if you or your penis owning partner finishes quickly, it’s not because they’re sexually inexperienced (a common one we heard), or too up in their head. It might just mean they have a lot of nerve endings in their penis, and if that’s the case, good news: there’s an accessible tool, just a couple clicks away. 

Stereotype #3: 

That they don’t have body image issues. 

I also heard penis owners open up about their bodies. Because the whole idea of ‘body image’ feels feminine, penis owners didn’t always know where to turn to share their own body insecurities. 

@ThatRandomMan83: I wish porn hadn’t messed up the way I view myself. I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder cause I feel so inadequate down there and wish I had a bigger cock.

@bodypositivedad: That our flaccid dicks are all huge and show through our underwear.

In our culture, we put so much pressure on penis owners and their size. What’s interesting though, is when it comes to a vulva owner’s pleasure, orgasm is much more likely via clitoral stimulation – not penetration. But if penis size is messing with your confidence, check out Smart Sex. I focus on self-acceptance when it comes to owning your pleasure, with specific exercises to get there. 

What sexual stereotypes are YOU ready to kiss goodbye? Come find me on Twitter @sexwithemily, and let’s keep the conversation going.