“How do I give mind-blowing oral sex to a vulva?”

Great question. Even if you generally know what’s what down there, we should really be talking about oral sex more often. Especially since the recipient is much more likely to orgasm from oral than intercourse. Less than 20% of people with a vulva orgasm from penetrative sex alone…creating quite the orgasm gap. 

So up your odds: oral sex generally provides lots of clitoral stimulation, and that is what’s needed for orgasm. 

Want some sexy techniques? Here are five fun things to try. 

1. The Tease

Resist the urge to dive in all at once. 

You heard me. Instead of targeting the clitoris like a bullseye, tease them over their underwear (or jeans / sundress / what have you) with your fingers. This helps direct more blood flow to the area for more sensitivity and arousal. But also…it’s real hot.   

Try: rubbing their inner thighs, then gradually working your way to their genitals. Press harder, and take immediate feedback (such as them putting their hand over yours).

You can also playfully steal one of their toys, and run it along their underthings. Je Joue makes a cute line of bullet vibrators* like the Vita that are small and quiet, with some pretty amazing texture options (more on that in a moment). Turn it on at a low setting, and rub the toy along their inner thighs, labia, and clitoris (Amour bullet’s heart shaped tip is perfect for mastering the art of the tease). 

2. Add a Finger

Keep the tease going. 

Start by inserting one finger, and pulsing up and down. You can slowly add another finger, possibly a third…even a fourth. Listen for feedback and the telltale signs of pleasure: moaning, heavy breathing, “more,” etc.

Try: using this opportunity to tease the G-spot. It’s located about two inches inside the vaginal canal, on the front wall. Pulse your fingers against this general area, but don’t get too caught up being anatomically exact. Ride the vibe, and don’t be afraid to back off a bit before you start over again. Maybe you should make them ask for it. 

3. Tongue + Toys

Now is the moment you (/they) have been waiting for. 

Whether they’re lying down or standing up, remove your fingers, and kiss their inner thighs and labia. When the moment is right (aka sexual frustration threshold), slowly and lightly lick their clitoris. Work up to sucking, tongue circles, adding your finger back…anything that gets them uttering a light expletive, your name, or a combination of the two. Speaking of which.

Try: alternating tongue action with toy action. I can’t tell you how much I love the Je Joue Duet Bullet for this purpose: one side is smooth, one side is covered in raised bumps that feel like little pops of intense pleasure. Run it between their legs, on their genitals, even on their perineum – the nerve ending-rich stretch of skin between their vaginal opening and their anus – while you go down on them. It’s a tiny but powerful toy: the rumbly vibrations on this one (and all Je Joue bullets) travel much deeper into the body, for a more intense experience. If you want to be a real oral legend, this is your secret weapon. 

4. The Kivin Method 

Twist up traditional oral. 

Literally: it’s oral sex at a perpendicular angle. You’re licking horizontally rather than vertically, hitting more nerve endings and lessening the chances you’ll numb their clitoris out. 

Try: having them lay down, while you approach their vulva from the side (rather than in between their legs). Once you’re in position, use your index finger and thumb to raise the clitoris and keep it in place while you lick. In some instances, this positioning might reveal two small bumps on either side of the clitoral hood, known as “K points.” If you can feel them, use your tongue to gently sweep across these areas. Don’t stress though if you can’t find them—not all bodies have detectable K points. 

Try a few different licking techniques (circles, up-and-down, sucking) but if they tell you not to stop…they’re probably close to coming. Keep doing exactly what you’re doing, repetitive movements help facilitate orgasm.

5. Face Sitting

Kink it up. 

Face-sitting oral allows you to lie down, while they get exciting stimulation from kneeling on top of you. And don’t worry – it’s on a full-on sit. We still want you to breathe.

Try: Laying flat on your back, with your head near a wall or headboard. Meanwhile, your receiver will kneel on their knees, straddling your face, using their hands on the wall/headboard for support. Your hands are totally free, so use them any way you like — grabbing their hips, rubbing their breasts / chest, squeezing their nipples. This wouldn’t be a bad time to Dom from the bottom, if the moment calls for it. 

Feeling confident? Ready to help your next partner have oh-so-many orgasms? There are tons of ways to pleasure a vulva, but these five techniques are some of my absolute favorites. Get up close and personal with their clitoris…and enjoy the hot collab. 

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*Use code “SEXWITHEMILY” for 25% off at Je Joue and get a free massage candle with any purchase of the Amour, Duet, or Vita.